“So go back into the military, or work for another contractor. There has to be a way to do what you want. I know you can still run. I’ve seen you running in the evenings sometimes with that funky leg with the curled end, and you’re strong as an ox.”
“That’s my running prosthesis. There’s a world of difference between going for a run around the island and being on a battlefield or in a jungle, navigating the roughest terrain, crouching for hours in rain or windstorms, dodging incoming bullets. Your every sense needs to be on high alert with no distractions. I might be strong, but I am nothing compared to the highly skilled soldier I used to be.”
“Okay, I get that. You’re out of practice. But once you go back into training, won’t you reach that level again?”
He should tell her about his hearing, but he didn’t want to chance it getting back to his sister and all over the island. “It would take a year just to get back in that kind of shape, and even if I could, that doesn’t mean I’d be in good enough shape to fight again.”
“How will you ever know if you don’t try? And if you’re worried about finding that sacred bond with a new group of guys at a new company, you’ve got a great personality; surely you can find another brotherhood. I bet there’s a team of guys out there somewhere that have no idea what they’re missing until you show them.”
He half scoffed, half laughed. Her confidence in him was unbelievable. “Don’t you think I’ve looked into it? It’s not an option, Jules. Besides, going from Darkbird to anywhere else would be a step backward.”
“Maybe, but it sure seems like a step forward from where you are now.”
That was for damn sure, but why was she pushing him in that direction? Was she being serious? Or was she dicking around with him? A gut-wrenching thought came to him. Nobody on the island wanted him to go back to a life of missions and danger, most of all Bellamy. He thought Jules was different, but maybe she was just trying a different tactic than his family had.
“Don’t screw with me, Jules. I know you want to make everything better for Bellamy, but this reverse psychology shit isn’t going to do anything but piss me off. We should get going.”
He lowered his arm from around her and moved to stand.
“No!” She threw her arms around him, keeping him in place. “I’m not screwing with you. I promise. I’m being serious. And yes, I want it to be easier for you and your family, and for everyone else who cares about you, including me.” She let go of him, frustration radiating between them. “But if you can’t be happy here, then you should go wherever you can be happy and do what you really want to do. If it’s fighting and going on missions, then it is. That’s your choice, Grant, not Bellamy’s or anyone else’s.”
Her vehemence caught him off guard.
“And just so you know, Bellamy said as much to me the other day.” She softened her tone. “But at the time, I thought she was wrong. I thought if you went away, your family—we’d all—lose you like we lost Jock for all those years. But it also scared me for you, because running away, back to Darkbird or anywhere else, without first filling up on the love everyone here has for you has got to take a toll. You’ve been through hell. You lost a part of your body you’ve had for your whole life. I don’t know anything about amputations, but if it were me, I’d mourn that loss and want to be around the people who loved me to…I don’t know, fill the emptiness it left behind.”
He sat in stunned silence, finally feeling heard and understood for the first time, and it was by the least likely person. This wasn’t a girl wearing rose-colored glasses. This was an intelligent, caring woman who heard secrets he wasn’t even admitting to himself and saw the bigger picture.
“I guess you’re right,” she said sadly. “We should go.” She stood up and reached for the bag.
“Jules—” He grabbed her wrist and pushed to his feet, gazing into her worried eyes and seeing so much more of her than he had even an hour ago.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” she said softly.
“You didn’t. I just…I don’t know what to say.”
That sweet smile appeared again. “Say you’ll think about it.”
“I think that’s a given.” If it referred to her. How could he think of anything else but this incredible woman who was surprising him at every turn? He let go of her wrist and grabbed the bag, fighting the urge to put his arm around her again. Floored by the urge, he shoved his empty hand in his pocket to keep from reaching for her.
“You said you want to do something meaningful,” she said as they walked back the way they’d come. “Have you thought about finding a way to help other amputees?”
“What could I possibly do to help others when I don’t even know my next step?”
“I don’t know, but your family has tons of connections, and you’re a smart guy. I’m sure you could come up with a way to use those connections to help others while you’re figuring out where to go from here. Your mom works with a lot of charities. Maybe there’s one for amputees, and you could get involved with it. I know you want to fight for our country, but maybe helping veterans, who in a sense are part of your brotherhood, would help fill that need to do something meaningful.”
There she went, zeroing in on what meant the most to him.
Her idea was a little Pollyanna, but it definitely had merit. “Helping others to help myself.”
“Exactly.”
She took his arm and leaned against his side as they walked back toward her shop. He was acutely aware of how different he felt. Not only toward Jules, but inside. He’d never considered himself a person who needed validation from others, but man, that sweet, sexy pixie just kicked an eight-hundred-pound gorilla off his back with nothing more than a few understanding and supportive sentences.
They didn’t talk much the rest of the way back, and in that silence, the urge to hold her grew stronger. Grant curled his hand into a fist in his pocket and tried not to think about how good she’d felt holding his arm, tucked against his side, but it was like trying to block out the sun, too bright and hot to be ignored.
When they turned onto Main Street, Grant was surprised to see the shops were all closed. He hadn’t realized they’d sat down by the water for so long. They walked around her building to the side entrance that led up to her apartment, and he opened the door for her.
“Thanks,” she said as she passed through.
He followed her up the stairs, trying to figure out how to nip this situation in the bud when he no longer wanted to. He liked how he felt when he was with her, and he wanted to get to know her better, to discover all of the intricacies about her he’d overlooked while they were growing up. But without having so much as a direction, much less a plan for his future, that wouldn’t be fair to Jules, even if she was the first woman to make him feel anything at all since the amputation.
When they reached the landing, she said, “You know, you’re not just a soldier who belongs on a battlefield and out there doing scary missions. You belong here, too. You’ve lived on the island for more than half your life, and we may not be a brotherhood, but we all care about you. Maybe you should think of the island as a different type of battlefield. It might be difficult or scary at first to imagine a life here, or anywhere other than where you’d planned, but if you’re open to it, who knows what can happen. Besides, you’re a warrior and a Silver. There’s nothing you can’t handle.”