…returning ash to earth and restore the spirit…
I swallow hard, forcing the knot into my esophagus. It sits against my chest, carving a hole where my heart once was. I replay the words over and over again, rewinding the reel even when I feel I cannot continue.
…eliminating darkness and restoring light.
“You were right, Mamá,” I whisper, speaking so softly I’m not sure I even spoke at all.
Black onyx is capable of more than simply containing an evil entity summoned by misguided witches. This crystal has the power to cure vampirism.
Chapter Three
The moon above is full and bright, cascading streams of light to illuminate my way. I stare at her, engrossed in her beauty, in her power. So often, witches use the moon’s strength to fuel their spells, to force a change summoned by their will alone. If she could speak, would she tell them she is ashamed by their use of her magic? Would she be disappointed in me, in my past reckless behavior?
I sigh, glancing away, no longer able to face her. I kick at the ground, frustrated by all that I have learned. The book, thick and long, is weighty in my arms. I hold on to it tightly, thinking about the power of knowledge passed down through generations of families. I wonder who wrote this book and how long ago that was. More importantly, how did it end up at an occult shop in Darkhaven? It arrived the same day I needed it, and that alone is alarming.
Even though I reread the passages about black onyx until it was clear Luna wanted to close the store, I still can’t believe the witches were right about vampirism being treatable. Clearly, this book was the final puzzle piece they needed—the very one they didn’t consult when they completed their spell. If they had read this book and used its knowledge while performing the dark spell, they would have cured us.
But what does that mean? That means they wouldn’t have shown up at dawn. There wouldn’t have been that final battle. Will would be alive. Amicia would be alive. My mother would be alive. Instead, we all fell at the hands of the ill-informed. Rash in their decisions, the witches rushed to harness magic they knew nothing about. And it cost them their lives.
Part of me wants to hold on to my anger, to hold a grudge against the people who wronged me, even if they did pay the ultimate price. I am ashamed of this desire, but simply being aware of shameful behavior isn’t enough to extinguish the spark fueling that fire. I need to find a way to forgive them—to really, truly forgive them for what they did.
The subtle snap of twigs breaking under weight catches my attention. I peer into the distance. The forest seems to go on for miles and miles. It ends in darkness, blurring together, too murky for even my heightened senses to see what lies beyond.
I hold the book tighter, knowing I must keep it safe. I was supposed to be patrolling these woods tonight. Earlier, I was eager for a fight, but now, the thought of endangering what may be our sole chance at finding a cure leaves me on edge. I can’t risk damaging the contents inside. Already ripe with age, the book is on the brink of decay, pages yellowed and crisp like autumn leaves. It would never survive being tossed around by a careless rogue vampire.
Just as I am about to make a run for the manor, Jasik steps out from the shadows, eyeing me curiously. I imagine myself from his point of view: clinging hopelessly to a book, gaze darting around in sheer panic, foot burrowing into the soil as I intend to push off and run away. I feel sweat beading at my forehead, hear my heartbeat thumping within my mind. I definitely don’t look like a hunter patrolling the forest for rogue vampires. I look more like prey than predator.
“Ava,” Jasik says cautiously. He glances around, assessing the situation like a true hunter. “What’s wrong?”
He is looking for a would-be attacker. Everything about my demeanor worries him. If the situation were reversed, he would be worrying me too. I consider being clever, trying to wit my way out of this, but I resort to honesty.
“Nothing,” I say. I offer a weak chuckle, hoping to ease his tension. I doubt it works. “I wasn’t expecting you. You startled me.” I shrug nonchalantly.
“You left so quickly,” he says. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m sorry about that. I just…” I swallow hard. “I needed space.”
Jasik nods, breaking eye contact. “Because of the memorial. I’m sorry if I overstepped. I thought—”
“No,” I say. My voice is squeaky as I speak too loudly, too quickly. “That meant so much to me.”
He smiles softly, his crimson irises sparkling in the moonlight. I know he believes me from the glint of happiness in his eyes.
“You have to have an outlet, a way to speak to her, to mourn her,” he says. “And it’s important that you know it’s okay to miss them, even after everything they did.”
I nod and stare at the ground. I focus on the dirt, on the dry granules that have softened with the emergence of a warmer season. Early spring flowers are beginning to bloom, and with their growth, the scent of the dead will dissipate. I will finally be able to take a full, deep breath without being reminded of all I lost. Even now, the lingering stench of death is all around me. It fills my chest, making it almost too heavy to breathe.
“I feel alone,” I confess, voice soft.
Tears are only a blink away, but I force down that emptiness, choking on my words as my heart nearly implodes in my chest. As a vampire, I am gifted with enhancement in every way, including emotional duress.
Jasik closes the space between us. I lean against him, still clutching the book to my chest, as he wraps his arms around me. I bury my face in his shirt, nuzzling between the zipper of his jacket. I inhale his familiar scent—blood and mint. The steady beat of his heart comforts my own, even as it breaks.
We stand like this for a long time, both unwilling to speak, both unsure of what to say even if we wanted to crack the silence. There is nothing quite like facing an eternity all alone. Jasik has Malik, his biological brother, but I have no one. Nothing but friends who constantly threaten to oust me. Nothing but nestmates who believe a suspicious newcomer over me.
“I promise you will never be alone,” Jasik whispers, breath fluttering the hair atop my head. “I will be here, Ava. Always.”
I shake my head, pushing myself even harder against his muscular frame. He holds me firmly, a solid slab of impenetrable steel. I feel safe in his arms, like he alone could keep me from the world and all its problems.
“You can’t promise that,” I mumble against his chest.
“I have been alive a long time,” he says. “I am pretty good at surviving.”
I want to believe him, but the world is cruel. There will come a time when Jasik will be forced to choose: his brother or me. The only happiness I find in that is knowing I won’t be the one making him choose. Malik will. I make a lot of mistakes, and even though I always have the best intentions, Malik will believe he has no other choice but to cast me away. Maybe leaving is best. Maybe I am better off on my own, risking no other neck but my own.
I push away from Jasik, letting the space between us strengthen my wobbly legs, my jelly spine, my weakening desire to return to the manor. I risk a glance at my sire, but he isn’t looking at me. He is staring at the book in my arms. When he catches me looking at him, he finally speaks.