My heart was in my throat as I thought about him leaning down, me rising up, and our lips meeting in the middle. God, I want that. I really want that, and by the way he keeps looking at my lips, I feel like he wants that too.
“I guess this is goodnight,” I said softly, my voice having this sensualness to it. Even I heard it, but I couldn’t care enough to worry about it. I didn’t care how desperate it sounded.
His gaze went from my eyes back to my lips. His body was so big that it was impossible not to take notice I was tiny in comparison. I was soft where he was muscular. I was curvy where he was rock-hard.
“I’d really like to see you again,” he said, lifting his eyes to mine. “How would you feel about that?”
I nodded, because yeah, that was exactly what I wanted.
“You would like that?” he murmured, eyes right back on my mouth. I felt his gaze and licked my lips as they tingled from the weight of his stare.
I nodded again, unable to find my voice.
He took a step closer, sliding the hand that held mine over my wrist, along my forearm, and let go of me for only a second to curl those big fingers along my hip. “Is this okay?”
I swallowed and nodded. It’s more than okay.
He groaned softly, his fingers tightening for just a second before they relaxed again. “Then tell me you want to see me again, Amelia.” His voice was deceptively soft, but I heard the roughness in it. “I need to hear you say it.” He took another step closer, our chests brushing together.
I sucked in a breath. Could he feel my heart beating hard against my ribs? Our chests were pressed right together, so how couldn’t he?
Could he feel how hard my nipples were as they stabbed through the material of my shirt? They ached and were so sensitive. Too sensitive.
“I want to see you again.” My voice was so breathy, but I didn’t care. Let him know how he affected me. I wanted him to see it and feel it, just like I knew how much I affected him.
His chest was moving harder and faster after I said those words, his jaw clenched as if he ground his teeth.
The silence stretched between us, but I liked it. It was heated and thick, our combined desire mixing together to create this massive black hole that threatened to suck us both in.
“I want to kiss you so fucking badly,” Braxton murmured, and I watched as his eyes widened for a second before he snapped his gaze up to mine. “I didn’t mean to curse. I’m sorry. Shit.” He shook his head. “Fuck.” I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. “I’m sorry. I’m screwing this up.”
I felt something rise up in me before snapping. It was courage, the kind that had me feeling powerful enough to do something I’d never done before—to take control of a situation and go after what I wanted.
I braced my hands on his chest, felt his pectoral muscles through his T-shirt, and inhaled deeply. His lips partly slightly. I watched his pupils dilate as he focused on my mouth, and I knew there was no going back. I didn't want to. I only wanted to move forward fast and hard and never worry about anything I did with Braxton.
He smelled fresh and clean, the cologne he wore making me feel dizzy. My body tingled, made me even needier in my desire for Braxton. I couldn’t breathe for how intoxicated I felt.
Our mouths were so close together, only a small inch separating us from the kiss I wanted so badly. I’ve wanted you to kiss me for so long, I thought, too afraid to say the words, even though I knew he’d welcome them.
And then I rose on my toes that last inch and kissed him, taking that control and surprising both of us. I heard his gasp then groan against my mouth, and for a millisecond, he was solid and tense against me. But just as I was about to pull away, he wound his hand behind my head, tangling it in my hair, and tilted his head to deepen the kiss.
It was my turn to gasp now, the dominance slowly coming from him with each passing second. I felt it in the way his mouth moved against mine, in the way he gently stroked his tongue along the seam of my lips before adding more pressure, telling me without words he wanted me to let him in.
I want him in me so bad.
“That’s it,” he groaned and dragged his tongue along the swell of my bottom lip. I opened for him then, a little bit voluntarily, a little bit because I was shocked by how hot I was burning up for him, from this.
Braxton plunged his tongue inside my mouth, making me take all of it, showing me that he was a passionate, powerful lover. I wanted to give all of myself to him.
He held me so tightly, and I felt the cold, hard, and unforgiving wood of my front door greet my back before I realized he’d been moving us. A soft sound left me at the almost brutal nature of his actions. God, did I love this hardness, love that Braxton took what he wanted.
He broke away, panting against my mouth, refusing to give me an inch to breathe.
I only want to breathe him in.
“I'm sorry,” he whispered and kissed me gently, as if he was trying to make it up to me, trying to show me he had this soft side.
I liked it. I want it all. Hard. Soft. Frantic. Easy. I just want you.
But I was tongue-tied, unable to say those words, to reassure him that I liked it any way he gave it to me.
He rested his forehead against mine, his eyes closed as he breathed. I knew he was trying to gather his control. And I was thankful, because even if I wouldn’t have stopped this, I was glad he’d been with it enough to make the call. I wanted time to process these feelings he’d opened up in me.
I wanted Braxton without a doubt, wanted him to be my first… everything.
He pulled back enough to look at me, this pained expression on his face. He leaned in and slowly kissed me, and I melted against him all over again, moaning, my hands curled around his biceps, keeping him close. Needing him closer.
“This is where I say goodnight and that you’re all I’ll be thinking about.” He pulled back, and his expression was so serious. He slid his hand that wasn’t tangled in my hair up to cup my cheek. I shamelessly leaned into his hold. “But I don’t want to say goodnight, even though I’m going to.” He kissed me gently, sweetly on the lips. “I don't even want to pull away from you, but it’s the right thing to do, and I want to be a gentleman.” He gave me one more lingering kiss, and I almost said screw being a gentleman. “But I can say with 100 percent accuracy that you’re all I’ll be thinking about until I see you again, and even then, you’ll still be on my mind.”
I knew that whenever I did give myself to this man, my entire life would change. I knew Braxton would ruin every other man for me, that he was my end-all. I’d only ever crave him, and after his touch, his kiss, I only wanted him.
And it was very clear that he felt the same way too. Now it was only a matter of time before that passion between us exploded, and there was no stopping it.
And I looked forward to that part of my life being irrevocably out of control.
9
Braxton
Two weeks later
Being a firefighter meant my schedule wasn’t typical, not in the nine-to-five, Monday through Friday sense. I worked twenty-four hours on, then had forty-eight hours off. That first day off, I tried to get house shit done, home improvements, daily things for the week so I didn't have to worry about it. But for the last couple of weeks, I was finding that stuff taking a backseat. Because when I was off, all I did was spend time with Amelia, and I didn't give two shits what other aspects of my life were being neglected because of it.