As strong as I’ve been all these years, as much as I’ve fought, where has it gotten me? What has it gotten me?
People die around me.
People die because of me.
Women—girls—are violated, their lives destroyed because of me. Because of who I am. Because of my family.
My brothers may have started this, but it doesn’t exempt me from blame. It doesn’t exonerate me. I didn’t fight hard enough because if I had, I wouldn’t be standing here now. I wouldn’t be wrapped up in this man’s powerful arms if I’d fought hard enough. In no way do I deserve this comfort. Not when I know what’s already happened to the others and what they will still endure.
All these years I’ve thought of my freedom. I’ve thought of Noah’s freedom. How selfish am I? How selfish when I knew all along what they were doing, and I did nothing. Nothing apart from a ridiculous, pathetic hunger strike.
The woman who accused me of being one of them, she was right. I am.
And I am responsible.
I don’t deserve to have survived tonight.
7
Cristiano
I stand with my arms folded watching from across the room as the doctor finishes examining Scarlett. She’s sleeping. Didn’t even fight me when I told the doctor to give her something to relax her. Something strong enough to knock her out.
“What is it about her?” Dante asks, his eyes, too, on Scarlett.
I turn to him. He shifts his gaze to mine and takes a swallow of whiskey.
“Why would you give everything up for her?” he continues.
I take a deep breath and swallow my own drink. It’s not enough. “She’s innocent, Dante. And she can’t help her name.”
He snorts.
“Why did you go in after her then?” I ask him.
“I was going after you.”’
“No, you weren’t.”
He turns his attention to pouring himself another glass, taking his time to look at me. “I’m glad she wasn’t more badly hurt. Glad she didn’t die. But we can’t lose focus. That bastard—”
“Will be punished. I swear it on my life, Brother.”
“Don’t swear on your life. Don’t tempt fate.” He drinks.
“Fate’s fucked me over too many times. It’s not up to fate anymore.”
“I mean it.”
“I know.” Guilt gnaws at me. I look at him, my younger brother who has grown as tall as me, as big, as dark. He doesn’t deserve this life. “Thank you for wanting to save her.”
He can’t hold my gaze but nods in acknowledgement.
I smile. Because I know he’d gone in after her, not me.
“I’m going to bed,” Dante says and walks out of my room.
“She wasn’t violated,” the doctor says a few minutes after Dante’s gone. He adjusts the blanket over her shoulders and turns to me.
I exhale. Nod.
He goes into the bathroom to wash his hands then returns to the bedroom to lay out some ointments, bandages and plastic bottles of pills.
“These pain killers,” I say, reading the label of one of the containers. “These are strong enough?”
“It looks worse than it is, Cristiano. She will be sore, but he only broke skin in a few places. She’ll be fine in a few days.” He plucks the bottle from my hand and sets it back on the nightstand. “Besides, any more would knock her out.”
“I’d rather she sleeps if it’s painful.”
“I don’t think that’s up to you to decide.”
I give him a look.
He ignores it and closes his medical bag. “I can stay on property if you want.”
I brush a strand of hair back from her forehead. She doesn’t stir. She looks younger, somehow. Softer. Her face relaxed in a way I don’t often see it. I didn’t want her awake, not for the examination that would tell me if Rinaldi or anyone else touched her.
With a deep exhale, I turn to the doctor. “I appreciate that, but we’ll be all right.” We walk out of the bedroom, where her brother and Cerberus sit anxiously outside.
Noah stands as soon as he sees us and Cerberus does the same, poking his nose at the crack in the door. He’d try to slip in if I let him. I guide him back to the hallway.
“Besides,” I tell the doctor. “I’d prefer not to see you again for a good long time. No offense.”
“None taken. I feel the same,” he says with a wink. I like the man. Always have. “I’ll see myself out. One of your men will take me back?”
“Antonio will see to it.” The doctor nods as he descends the stairs and I turn to Noah.
“How is she?” he asks, eyes wide, face that of a boy. A scared boy. She’s the last of his family.
“She’ll be fine. He gave her a heavy dose of a sedative, so she’ll be out for a bit. Why don’t you go get something to eat?” He’s a bottomless pit when it comes to food.
He shakes his head, runs a hand through his hair.
“Or get some sleep. Have you slept?”
“I’m fine. It was Rinaldi?”
I nod. “And the cartel.”
“Are you sure about that? Why would the cartel hurt her?”
“We’ll talk to her when she wakes up and see what we can figure out.”
“Can I go in there?”
“As long as you let her sleep.”
“Thanks.”
He moves into the bedroom and I walk to the top of the stairs. I hear the front door close and footsteps into the living room. My uncle. I walk down the stairs, Cerberus on my heels. Sending him to the kitchen, I head into the living room to find my uncle standing in front of my mother’s portrait. He took a shower too, even though he didn’t take a dunk, and he looks as crisp as usual. He keeps several suits on the island.
“She was a beauty,” he says when I walk into the room.
“She was. I wonder if Elizabeth would have looked like her.” The thought comes out of nowhere and my uncle turns to me.
“Don’t go down that road. You’ve already lost focus.”
I know why he says it. I don’t like it, but I understand why. He’s right. I have already lost focus. Because tonight, I had Rinaldi in my sights. Tonight, I could have taken him. I could have gotten what I needed to understand and avenge my family.
Tonight, I could have been done with it.
But I chose Scarlett instead.
And I’m not sure if it’s even puzzling that I did.
I walk away, noticing the whiskey Lenore left on the coffee table and pour some into each of the tumblers. My uncle’s eyes burn into my back. He’s pissed.
Picking up both glasses, I turn and walk to him. I hand him one.
“You got to the old man who rented the boat?”
He nods. “He’s taken care of. Not that he’s any of our concern.”
“He’s a human being.” I didn’t want the cartel returning to punish the old man for the tracking device he’d had on the boat every time they’d taken it.
“Sometimes I don’t recognize you, Cristiano. You even put your own brother’s life at risk and for what?”