When I walked into our room, my camera around my neck and backpack slung over one shoulder, I found Joel halfway under our bed.
Or should I say, inside our bed.
The bottom of it was solid wood, but it had a few doors with knobs that opened up for additional storage. I’d assumed they were locked, since they hadn’t budged when I’d tried to store some of my belongings there. Which was why I was surprised to see Joel halfway inside the biggest storage compartment now.
“What are you doing?”
Joel jumped at my voice, knocking his head on the bed frame and cursing as he shuffled his way out. “Dammit, Aspen!”
I frowned, letting my bag drop on the dresser. “Sorry I startled you.”
He was still grumbling and rubbing his head, but he forced a breath and a smile. “No, no, I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect you so soon.” His eyes flicked to where he’d been under the bed, and he quickly shut the storage door and locked it, dropping the key into his pocket.
“What are you hiding under there?”
“It’s nothing,” he said curtly. “And don’t go looking, either.”
I arched a brow. “A surprise for me?”
He smirked, finally standing and sweeping me into his arms. “Maybe. So no peeking.”
I smiled against his first kiss, and then he stripped my camera strap over my head and set it on the dresser next to my bag. My arms were around his neck in the next instant, our kisses heated and intentional, hands roaming.
I missed him.
What a strange thing, to miss someone I slept next to each night. But though we’d been together the last couple of weeks, we hadn’t spent any quality time just the two of us. Even holding him now, I found myself inhaling his cinnamon scent like I hadn’t smelled it in years, tracing the muscles in his arms like I’d forgotten the shape of them. His brown eyes were warm as they watched me, his smile lazy and sweet.
“Are you done for the night?” I asked, running my fingers up his arm, over his neck, and along the line of his jaw.
“I am.”
“And you’re not on watch?”
He shook his head.
“Maybe we can lie in bed, watch a movie?” I asked, pressing onto my toes to kiss his neck. “Or not watch a movie.”
Joel chuckled, kissing me back long and hard before he grabbed my hands and pulled them from around his neck. He kissed my knuckles and then held my hands at his chest. “Actually, Theo gave us a night to go to shore.”
“You and me?!”
“The whole crew!” he said excitedly. “Well, except for Claude and Matthew. It’s their night on watch. But everyone else is going!” Joel sighed, shaking his head like he was the luckiest guy in the world. “I told you he was one of the best owners to work for. He said we’ve been working hard, and since he doesn’t have any guests on, we should take the night off and go see Italy. Ivy and Celeste already found a great area to bar hop.”
I frowned. “Oh…”
“What?” Joel asked warily.
I shook my head. “It’s nothing. I just… I feel like we haven’t spent any time together. I… I miss you.”
“You miss me?” Joel said on a laugh, kissing my fingertips. “I’m right here, silly. We’ve been together every day. And we’re going to have an amazing night in Italia.” He said the last two words in a phony Italian accent that almost offended me, given the fact that I’d fallen in love with the language over the last week.
“What if we ditched?” I asked, chewing my lip.
Joel pulled back a little. “Ditched? Aspen, do you know how rare this is, that the owner is letting us take a night off to go party? We don’t even have to report until ten tomorrow morning.”
“I know but—”
“I’m already getting so much shit for us being in this fancy room,” he said. “I mean, I’m supposed to be downstairs on a bunk bed with the other deck hands. And in case you forgot, you’re not a guest on this yacht, either.”
I frowned at his tone, at the insinuation. “I know that, Joel,” I said softly.
“Well, then, you understand what I’m saying. We need to be with the crew.”
“Could we come back early, maybe? Hang for an hour and then bail?”
Joel shook his head, brows furrowed at me like I was a stranger. “Do you hear yourself? What, are you too good to hang out with the help since you’ve been traipsing around all these exotic places?”
“What?” I shook my head, unsure of how this got turned on me all of a sudden, unsure of the way Joel was speaking to me. He didn’t seem himself. “Of course not.”
“Well, you’re acting kind of like a snob right now.”
“A snob?”
“Yes! You don’t have to work the way the rest of us do, you get to get off the boat whenever you want, you have seen a dozen different places while we’ve been stuck on this yacht slaving away, and on top of it, you never hang out with us. If anything, you come downstairs for like twenty minutes before you disappear. Everyone keeps asking me if you’re mad, if we’re fighting, or if you just always have this attitude. Here I’ve been talking you up to these people for years, and they finally meet you, and you act like the last thing you want to do is hang out with them.”
My jaw dropped. “The only reason I’m even here, Joel, is because you practically begged me and said we’d have more time together,” I reminded him. “And you know how I feel about partying and being around a bunch of people I don’t know.”
“You could get to know them.”
“I just want to be with you!” I yelled, my eyes welling with tears. I glanced at the door when I heard voices passing, pulling my hands from Joel and crossing my arms over my chest. I sniffed, shaking my head, yet again questioning why I ever took Theo’s offer. “This isn’t me,” I said, waving a hand toward the hall. “The partying. The gossip. The being with other people all the time.” I paused, heart tightening in my chest. “I should have just said no,” I whispered. “Maybe we would have been better off if I wasn’t here at all.”
We stood there quiet for a long while before Joel sighed, opening his arms. “Come here.”
I was hesitant at first, but when Joel watched me with understanding in his eyes, I stepped into him, returning his embrace when he wrapped me in his arms.
“I want you here, okay? I’m glad you’re here.” He kissed my hair. “And we will have more time together, just the two of us. I promise. Okay? But tonight is a special occasion. Please, come hang out. I know it’s not your favorite thing, to be with everyone, but we’re in Italy.” He paused, as if to let that sink in. “Just one night. Please.”
Another zing of tightness hit my chest, this time born of guilt. I knew in his mind it wasn’t asking me much, to just suck it up and go out for a night.
But I didn’t want to go.
And for the first time, I decided that if I didn’t want to, I didn’t have to.
“I’m tired, Joel” I said, pressing my hands to his chest as I met his eyes. “I know it’s a rare occasion, but I’m just not up for it.”