His eyes remain pinned on me. They are tender but also curiously troubled. “Why did you lie to me?”
His question is enough to make my gaze drop to my lap and my body freeze in utter embarrassment. I know exactly what lie he is talking about. “I… um…” Still dazzled by his question, I tuck some hair behind my ear, thinking how this evening is not going as expected, but apart from that, nothing else comes to mind. “I don’t know,” I tell him sincerely. “It just felt right.”
“Right?” he repeats in confusion.
“I mean, that we were doing it naturally.” Oh jeez, I must sound so pathetic right now. I decide to look up at him, and as I do so, my cheeks must've turned a thousand shades of red. Searching for a better answer, I say, “I… I didn’t want to use a condom.” But it turns out to be just as bad as my first one.
“That doesn’t explain the fact that you lied about taking the pill.” Despite his soft and caring tone, he can be so pushy sometimes. As Alex sees me completely wordless, he adds, “Did you want to get pregnant?”
That question is like a reality check. Pressing my lips tightly together, I look down for a few seconds before mumbling, “Maybe.”
He lets out an exasperated breath, the one you make when you can barely believe what you just heard. After glancing around the room, his gaze lands again on me. Yet he takes a blatant moment to ask, “And did you think about me? Don’t I get a say in it?”
Rolling my eyes, I can’t help but chide, “Oh, relax. Would it have been so bad to have a child?”
He blinks twice, his jaw dropping at my statement. “I’d have wanted to be informed first, yeah. See, unplanned pregnancies are not really my thing.” He pauses, observing me. I’m not sure if he expects me to say something more or not, but I’ve got nothing else to add. “I… I can’t believe how careless and selfish you were.” Another rush of air, and this time, he runs a hand through his wild hair as he keeps ruminating. “You didn’t even think about it, did you?” But I remain mute, devoid of any will to speak. “I’m talking to you, Petra.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth,” he answers just as fast. “I want to understand what was going through your mind to lie about something so damn important.” His expression is so serious that I shiver. “Having a child is a life-changing decision,” he scolds. “It’s not like buying a new dress that you can return if you don’t like it.”
“I don’t think Dad’s life changed that much after he had me,” I snap back. “You were just scared.”
“Scared?” he repeats, sounding offended. “Scared of what? I nearly raised you.” Since I’m not answering back, Alex keeps going. “I know how to give a bath to a toddler, how to put him to sleep, how to play—”
“So what’s your problem?” I cut him off, my tone higher than usual. After calming down, I add, “I knew you would’ve been a great dad. I just… I just didn’t mind if we’d have been parents that soon.” And for some unknown reason, everything just starts flowing out of my mind and then out of my mouth. “Yeah, I didn’t think much about it, but I was cool with the outcome anyway. That’s the truth for you. Good enough?”
As we glare at each other, our expressions cold and unsmiling, an uncomfortable tension rises between us. And it’s not pretty to witness. Alex breaks eye contact, his eyes lowering. “Wow,” he utters, his voice filled with disappointment. “Sometimes you have such an attitude.”
Creasing my brows, I ask, “What attitude?”
“You lied to me,” he reminds me before standing up from the bed. Then I hear nothing but silence as he lets the weight of his words sink into me. “And yet you make it seem like it’s okay if it’s to get what you want. Don’t you see it?” This time, I roll my eyes at his comment. I just can’t help it. “I never ever had sex without using a condom, and you knew it. And despite that, you lied. And instead of apologizing and being humble, you make it seem like it’s my fault.”
“And the fact that you’re making such a big fuss about it is even more concerning,” I reply back. And then, as I look him in the eye, I ask, “Or was it Dad who sent you to lecture me?”
“I’m tired of this discussion.” Avoiding answering my question, Alex walks back toward the door. “I will sleep in another room.”
My heart drops at his decision. And I can’t possibly fathom spending my first night alone without my fiancé. “Wait,” I plead. Alex does so and stands near the door. As I look at his expression, I realize my words were rude, and deep down, I know they truly hurt him. Blowing out a breath, I swallow my pride and say, “I’m sorry I lied.” I try to sound as sincere as I can, but I’m not used to having arguments and having to apologize. “I know I broke your trust, and I should’ve told you the truth. It was selfish and immature. I won’t do it again.” My lips twitch into a smile at his stiff expression loosening up. “And, um, I’m not on the pill.”
Alex lets a quick chuckle escape as we look at each other. “I kind of figured that out.”
Feeling more at ease, I then tell him, “It was selfish, I know.”
“You used me,” he adds.
Rolling my eyes, I quickly protest, “Don’t exaggerate. I’m already apologizing.”
“I never thought you were so proud,” he comments, and not in a good way. As I keep observing him, his hands in his pockets, I do a quick victory dance in my head once he returns to sit beside me. “Thanks for apologizing.” He then leans down, pressing his lips against my forehead. “Now it’s time for you to sleep.”
“Huh?” My eyes widen, and I gape instantly. “No…”
“Petra, Dr. Nel said—”
“I know…” Cutting him off, I take his right hand, and switching to a more sensual tone, I mumble, “But I’m not sleepy…” Then I guide his hand slowly down under my nightdress and between my thighs, pulling him closer. “Can’t you feel how wet I am?” His lips part in surprise, and after he blows out a breath, his fingers start gliding around my clit while his smoldering gaze travels down to my crotch, reveling in the view. I do the same, and as I look at his erection pressing against his pants, the naughtiest thoughts perk up in me, and I lick my lips.
But in a sudden move, his hand leaves me. “Petra, we should take it easy,” he utters in a low voice. “You just woke up. It’s better we have a medical—”
“Oh, stop it…” I pull his head toward mine to claim his lips. His mouth slams into mine, silencing everything but us. Intense and hot, his kiss causes a rush of heat to stream through me, and I’m left breathless at my growing desire. My hands move from his neck up to his wild hair, tugging on it and inviting him to lean over me. But his lips part from mine, and as I reopen my eyes, I find him taking his shirt off, revealing his muscular torso. Oh fuck… My eyes linger on his perfect pecs, his biceps, his wide shoulders, and my jaw drops at the view as I blow out a breath.