“You think I won?”
“Hell yeah, I do.”
A somber look passed over her pale face and sadness crept into her eyes and I wished I could’ve rewound the last ten minutes and never opened my mouth.
“Then you’re blind, Owen. I didn’t win anything. I didn’t fight a great war in my mind. I did the only thing I knew how to do, and that was push it away so I wouldn’t have to feel. I learned to go numb. That’s not winning, that’s surviving. And just so you know, I don’t have a death wish. I don’t want to live with your death on my conscience. I don’t want my uncle wreaking havoc on good people. He’s a maniac. He won’t care. I’m not worth this.”
I was done.
So done.
Over the top, deep in my gut, fucking done.
“Pack up, we’re leaving in ten.”
I turned and made it to the mouth of the hall when Natasha’s words stopped me.
“That’s it?”
I craned my neck and looked over my shoulder.
“Yeah, Nat. That’s it. There’s nothing I can say that will make you pull your head out of your ass. And if I have to listen to you tell me you’re not worth it one more time, I’m gonna lose my motherfucking mind.”
“But—”
“No buts. No more bullshit. If you were my woman, I’d show you a hundred different ways all the reasons why you’re wrong. I wouldn’t tell you with words, I’d show you and I’d do it in a way so you’d never fucking forget how precious your life is. You’d know your worth and you’d damn well know what you meant to me. So do me a favor, yeah? The next time you wanna put yourself down, don’t.”
I made it to my room, rooted through my closet, found a backpack, and tossed clothes in. Less than ten minutes later, I was back in the living room waiting for Natasha. I couldn’t remember a damn thing I’d packed. It was only minutes before and I couldn’t recall if I’d grabbed my toothbrush.
My good sense had fled, and at some point, Sarah had once again become Natasha.
A smart man would escort her to the office, tell Zane he had to back away from the case, and let Myles take responsibility for her. Myles wouldn’t forget she was Sarah. He wouldn’t have dreams about her under him. He wouldn’t itch to pull her close and taste her mouth. He would be perfectly professional.
Natasha came into the living room with a pack over her shoulder, her movements slow, her eyes deadened, and her presence cold.
I hated everything about the way she looked.
It would seem I was stupid. I wasn’t going to drop her off and let my team leader take over. I wasn’t going to back off. Not until the woman grew a backbone and told me to fuck off.
Yeah, that was what I was going to do. I was going to push her to the extreme, force her to acknowledge her anger, and keep pushing until she unleashed unholy hell. Then I’d walk away. Then I’d know she was ready to stand up for herself.
“Ready?” I asked.
“Um, yeah. I didn’t know if I was coming back here.”
I waited for her to say more but she didn’t, so I prompted, “And?”
“And, so, I didn’t know what to do. I only brought what fit in this.” She lifted the strap of the pack. “I left the rest.”
I was being a dick, which served no purpose except to be an asshole because my feelings were hurt.
“You’re coming back here,” I assured her. “And we’re going to Idaho, not a deserted island. If we need something we’ll go to the store and get it.”
“I thought we were hiding.”
“Okay, I’ll amend. You won’t go but someone will. We got everything covered.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
Natasha jerked her chin up in defiance. “You asked me to trust you. So I’ve decided to try to do that.”
“Just like that?” I didn’t bother to hide the skepticism.
“No, not just like that. I know you won’t believe me but I don’t want to die. But more, I don’t want anyone to get hurt either. I’ve warned you about my uncle. He’s crazy, Owen, really and truly crazy. Please believe me.”
Oh, I believed her.
“I’ve done my research on Wilco. I’m fully briefed on his level of depravity. We all are.”
Nat was quiet for a beat before her solemn gaze met mine.
“Promise me one thing.” It was a demand, not a question, so I remained silent and waited. “Don’t get dead.”
“None of us are going to die.”
“Promise me, Owen.”
“I promise.”
Relief washed over her features and her shoulders sagged.
“I’m ready.”
I looked Natasha over one more time and found it doubtful that was the truth. The only thing she looked ready for was more pain, more disappointment, more misery.
She didn’t realize it yet, but those days were over for her.
Chapter 4
Eight hours later, we were in Idaho. It felt like the hours had passed in the blink of an eye. Yet, somehow I felt like I’d been awake for a week.
Owen had driven us to Z Corps’ headquarters, the ride mostly silent. When we got there, Owen, Kevin, Gabe, and Myles met us in the parking garage and flanked me as we made our way through the various security checkpoints. It was not the first time I’d been to Owen’s work. However, the first time I’d been so overwhelmed with relief after Owen and the guys had saved me from boarding a plane in Alaska to Canada where I would’ve been lost forever, I had not paid attention to my surroundings.
And when I’d met Zane Lewis I hadn’t spoken a word. Owen and Eva had done all the talking. I hadn’t protested when Owen announced he was taking me back to his place. My plan had been to slip out that very first night after he’d gone to bed. But Owen being Owen, he probably sensed my plot and had not gone to sleep. Each time I’d walked out of the guest bedroom under the pretense of getting a drink he was awake on the couch. The next few days were a blur. Owen hadn’t pushed me to talk. He didn’t ask me uncomfortable questions. He just let me be. Then days turned into months and he remained the same—gentle, kind, steady.
That was, until he had to rescue me once again. Then he started asking questions, lots of them. But that day, Amie had given him everything he needed to know—my real name. Apparently, he didn’t need me to answer the questions he’d bombarded me with. Owen had investigated my family and knew too much.
Now he was fresh out of patience. Not that I blamed him.
The guys had a brief discussion with Zane, and even though the conversation took place in front of me, I was not part of it. No one had asked me a single question and I hadn’t offered my opinion. Then we were on a helicopter, and again I remained silent. After that, we were on a private jet to Idaho, and as soon as I could, I feigned sleep. We landed at a small airport south of the place called Sandpoint. During the hour-long drive, I stared out the window. Yes, in silence.
Now we were driving up a mountain road and I had my eyes closed tight.
Owen leaned closer and murmured, “Babe, it’s not that bad.”
“Um-hum.”