Aubry sniffed and let me pull her through the growing crowd of people.
I took her down the hall and opened my door.
Aubry wiped her eyes. “I don’t know why I’m so emotional tonight. It’s cool if you aren’t into me. You don’t need to pity fuck me or anything.”
“I wasn’t planning on it,” I said, waving her inside.
She gave me a shuttered look and walked in. I followed her gaze as it bounced between my unmade bed, the band posters hanging on the walls, and the collection of trophies and medals on my dresser.
“Sorry, about the mess.” I kicked aside some magazines and the broken amp I’d been tinkering with. Guess I had no reason to fix it now.
After a moment, she wandered over to my open closet. Inside were a bunch of my shirts and a pegboard where I’d hung my old bats. “You’re really into flannel.”
I shrugged. “They’re comfortable.” And, more importantly, they had long sleeves.
She grabbed the cuff of one shirt and waved it at me. “You shouldn’t hide your scars. Some women find them sexy.”
It was as if she saw straight through me and I didn’t know how to respond.
Aubry turned her attention to the pegboard. “You play baseball?”
“Played,” I corrected, deciding to close my bedroom door. I didn’t want to give Aubry the wrong idea, but it was a relief to shut out the music and loud chatter of the partygoers.
Aubry’s pretty green eyes narrowed in challenge. “Were you any good?”
I shrugged, not wanting to brag. I’d been damn good if the full ride scholarship I’d gotten to Arizona State was any sign. But ASU was in Phoenix, and Lee was here in Saguaro Valley. So, I’d passed.
One day Lee was going to kick my ass when she found out.
Aubry plucked a bat off the board and inspected it. “I played softball throughout high school. I was really good.”
“What position?” I asked to be polite.
“Pitcher.”
“Cool. Why did you stop playing?”
“Damon,” she said softly. “I can’t believe I gave up my dream of playing in the nationals for that asshole.”
“Is that your ex?” I asked, putting two and two together.
She nodded, chewing her lower lip. “We broke up last week on our three-year anniversary.”
“That sucks he made you quit baseball.” Lee would have never asked me to quit. In fact, she’d worked her schedule around all of my in-town games. It’d both embarrassed and thrilled me to have her screaming my name in the stands.
Aubry’s eyes flashed. “Damon didn’t make me do anything. I quit to spend more time with him.” She put the bat back on the pegboard and sighed. “I should have listened to my mom. She always said, don’t sacrifice your future for a good lay.”
I laughed. “Your mom sounds like mine.” Mom had never minced words.
We shared a smile.
Some of her black lipstick had rubbed off on her front teeth, but I didn’t want to make her feel bad, so I didn’t mention it.
She sauntered over to my bed and sat down.
The mattress sloshed underneath her.
“Ah!” she cried, jumping back up.
“It’s a waterbed,” I warned too late.
She giggled. “That’s so retro.”
“Right? A guy down the street was just throwing it away. I had to save it.” Before she could judge me for taking someone’s trash, I quickly added, “I cleaned it really well. It’s fun to sleep on.”
Aubry looked at me through her thick black lashes. “I’ll bet it would be fun to do other things on, too.” She sat down slowly and motioned me to sit next to her. “Why don’t we try it out?”
I rubbed the back of my neck, wishing she wouldn’t keep circling her horse around that wagon. “Look, I think you’re cool as shit, but I’m into someone else.”
“I know,” she said, not even pretending she hadn’t heard it from Ronnie. “But your someone else can’t be very nice if she doesn’t reciprocate.”
“That’s where you are wrong,” I said, leaning against my dresser. “Lee’s the nicest person I’ve ever met. She’s always thinking about everyone else before herself. And she’s smart too. She rocked the SATs and I know she could have gone to a good college if she’d graduated.”
Aubry rolled her eyes. “I’ll bet she’s pretty too.”
“Well, they didn’t make her the headliner at Eros for nothing.”
Aubry’s jaw dropped. “She’s a stripper?”
A familiar wave of frustration and anger coiled in my chest. “Yeah, but Lee’s not like that…” I didn’t quite know how to express that Lee was nothing like the other dancers.
Aubry pursed her lips. “I see. And where is this paragon among women?”
As I tried to puzzle out what the word paragon meant, she added, “Where does she live?”
“Here.” I glanced at the digital clock on my nightstand. “She should be heading back with our uncle now.”
“You two are related? Man, this gets better and better.”
I felt my face heat. “It’s not like that. Her grandmother took me in after my mother died.”
Aubry inhaled sharply. “I’m sorry.”
I waved away her apology. “It happened a while ago, but Lee and I have been living together ever since. Her room is right there.” I pointed at the wall behind the bed.
“Wow. Okay.” Aubry looked stunned.
As she stared at the wall, it occurred to me that I’d just spilled my guts to a virtual stranger. What if she says something to Lee?
I cleared my throat. “She doesn’t exactly know how I feel, and I’d appreciate it if you kept this conversation on the down low.”
Aubry’s eyes widened. “Totally. I don’t even know her.”
“Thanks.” I don’t know why, but I trusted Aubry.
“I might not be a stripper, but I’ve got some killer moves if you want to see them.” She sloshed up and down on my bed. When I shook my head, she sighed. “Well, I had to try one last time, didn’t I?”
“Why?” I had to ask. “I mean, I’m not looking for compliments. I’m just trying to understand why you’d pick me over all the other guys out there that are dying to talk to you?”
“Let’s turn that around. Why do you chase after Lee instead of accepting the offer of a sexual goddess?” She gestured down at herself.
I opened my mouth to defend my love, but she held up her hand.
“Conventional psychology would say we both have deep-seated insecurities. Our low self-concept deludes us into chasing the unobtainable, because at our core we think we are unworthy of love.”
Well, fuck.
Aubry let out a gusty breath of air. “But I think the reason is even simpler. It’s easy to fall for what we can never have. It’s scary and hard to love what’s possible.”
“That’s some next level shit right there.” I rubbed my beard, thoughtfully. I’d never thought to question my feelings for Lee. Do I love her because I know she could never love me back?