Not for a minute did Mindy believe this. Mindy might be the older of the two, and maybe she was also the one who, on the surface, looked to be the most responsible and accountable, but it actually wasn’t true. Mindy was the perennial people-pleaser, and she cared what people thought.
Brooke wasn’t and didn’t. And she didn’t break promises. Ever. Nope. She just walked away without looking back . . .
“Still stalling,” Tommy said.
“This is stressful.”
“You’re stressing when you don’t even know if there’s stress to stress about.”
“It’s a way of life.” But she hit Linc’s number. He’d texted earlier, a quick “miss and love you,” and she hadn’t responded yet. She did miss and love him. She also missed not being lonely.
He picked up on the third ring, right before she got sent to voice mail, and immediately Mindy’s back went up. “Did I catch you in the middle of something?” she asked.
“Nothing as important as this. Good to hear your voice, babe.”
The old Mindy, the want-to-be-the-perfect-wife Mindy, melted at that. But she shoved it aside because she was a new-and-improved Mindy. A cool-as-cucumber Mindy. “How’s it going there at the beach?”
“I wish I knew. Haven’t been out of the hotel. I just finished up a panel on analyzing and early detection of nondifferential diseases,” he said. “It’s fascinating.”
“I’m so glad. How are the people?” she asked, trying to steer to one “people” in particular—Dr. Sam. “You enjoying them, too?”
“Been too busy. How’re the kids? How’re you?”
“Tired.”
“Me, too,” he said. “Exhausted, actually. But the takeaways are so amazing.” He began to tell her about some new stitching technique and material, something to do with bone grafting, and she realized that this phone call was everything that was wrong with her marriage. They lived entirely separate lives. They got up early, went their own ways, and weren’t alone together again until late at night. And then they had only about five minutes of catching up while they were brushing their teeth before crashing into bed, claimed by exhaustion.
And she got it. Linc was brilliant, and he worked so hard. But so did she, and guilt and fear of losing him had kept her from telling him how she really felt.
Talk to him, Tommy mouthed.
“Linc . . .” She closed her eyes. “When I say I’m tired, I mean I’m really tired. As in, need-a-break tired.”
“From the kids?” he asked sympathetically. “They’re going to grow up, Min. It’ll get better, I promise.”
The thought of the kids growing up and leaving her brought a sharp pang of regret. She didn’t want to just survive these years. She wanted to live them.
“In the meantime,” he said, “take whatever time you need. You’ve got Brittney.”
Do I? Or do you have Brittney? she thought. And maybe also Dr. Sam . . . “I guess you probably need to get back to things.”
“I’d like to get to things with you,” he said playfully, and her eyes drifted shut as they always did when he spoke to her in that voice, the one that said he knew her like no one else did, the one that made her lose track of the bones in her knees. But she opened her eyes and locked her legs, because she owed him the truth. “I’m in LA, Linc. The kids are in Wildstone with Brooke.”
Linc didn’t say anything. All she could hear was static.
“Linc?”
“Mindy? Dammit, I think I lost her,” he said to someone. “The connection’s bad.”
“I’m here!” Mindy yelled. “Can you hear me? Did you hear what I said? I’m in LA and the kids are—”
“Babe, it’s a really bad connection. I’ll call you back as soon as I can, okay? Screw the rule.”
She nodded like he could see her. “Yes, please,” she said, buoyed by Tommy’s insistent nod. “Because I think I’m burned out, Linc. Between keeping the smoothie shop going and the kids and the house . . . I mean, I know it was my idea to run the shop, and I’m the one who wanted to stay home and take care of our babies. I get it. I planned for all of it, carefully and purposefully, and maybe that’s why it’s so hard to admit that I’m sinking.” She drew in a deep breath. “But the truth is, it’s not at all what I thought it would be. I haven’t been all I wanted to be.” She shook her head. “And I’ve pushed people away. I lost track of you. And us. I mean, I don’t even know who I am anymore. It all feels like a facade, and I’m messing it up.” She hesitated. “I’m scared,” she admitted softly. “I’ve always played my role—daughter, sister, caretaker, mother. But the only thing I’ve never really done is be me.”
There.
She’d said it.
She’d laid it all out. She let out a breath and waited for a response.
Which didn’t come.
“Linc?” She looked at her phone.
Call failed.
Tommy took the phone from her limp fingers and pulled her up. “He’ll call you back. In the morning. Come on. We’ve got things to do.”
“Like jump off a cliff?”
“Are you kidding? You want to throw that fab body of yours away? What if reincarnation is real and in your next life you come back as a dog? Or a cat? Or worse, a man? You’ll have wasted it.”
She shrugged. “I’d be a good cat. I’m bitchy and I don’t like anyone.”
“Okay, there’s no pity parties on our agenda today,” he said firmly. “We’ve got too much to do for that.” He made a few phone calls and then drove her to some secret location that turned out to be a studio, where he had to flash a badge to the night watchman.
“Where are we?” she asked.
He glanced over at her as they walked inside a huge hangar where she could see everything from sets to set dressings to cameras, and more equipment than she had names for. “This is where your sister works,” he said.
Mindy stopped walking. “Brooke works outside—on adventure reality shows. On mountaintops and crazy raging rivers and hard-to-reach remote landscapes.”
Tommy stopped, too, and turned back to her, head cocked. “Baby doll, how long has it been since you asked your sister about her job?”
She blinked. “Uh . . . I don’t know? But I do know she’s a great photographer, and daring and adventurous as hell. I see her pics on Instagram sometimes.”
Tommy’s smile faded, and he looked like he felt sorry for her. “You shouldn’t rely on Instagram to get news on your sister. Social media’s nothing but smoke and mirrors. You see only what the people posting want you to see.”
She felt a ball of anxiety low in her gut, followed by a defensiveness she hated. “I know that. It’s just that I’ve been pretty busy, and—”
“I know.” He took her hand again, but he wasn’t smiling as easily as he had been before as he led her through a maze of hallways and sets and doors.
Mindy was chewing her lip, worrying. “But Brooke’s still an action photographer for your show, right?” she asked his back. God. What if Brooke had lost her job and had been too ashamed to tell anyone? What if Brooke’s life was in as much turmoil as her own? And what had she done? She’d let Brooke take on her crazy, chaotic life, without a single thought to what was going on with her sister.