“I’m okay,” I tell them, holding up my hands. “I’m fine.” My fingers gently push aside the tears that start leaking out of the edges of my eyes.
“Kelly, I’m planning to bring Calvin to the mall this afternoon, are you able to join us?” my mom asks, now that I’ve settled back down.
“No.” I shake my head and point to the calendar. “It’s Jason’s birthday party. We’re all heading out to the lake,” I remind her. She looks over and nods. My eyes swing to Calvin, whose own gaze is locked on his plate. After remembering last night and my mission to introduce him around and keep him busy, I instantly feel bad. “After you’re done shopping, you should drop Calvin off at the lake. I can introduce him to everyone.” The sentence is out of my mouth before I can stop it, even while my brain is screaming it’s a bad idea. I have one goal in mind tonight and that can’t happen if I’m suddenly responsible for a new target. Just looking at the sad, lost look on Calvin’s face, though, is enough. I can’t leave the poor guy with my parents all day.
“Well, I suppose,” my mom answers, shifting in her chair.
“I’d be fine with that,” Calvin adds, all our eyes swinging to him. He’s watching me with a look of appreciation in his eyes, so I smile.
“Cool,” I respond and dig into my breakfast. Calvin’s eyes linger on me and I try not to read anything into it. My mind is already filled with everything I have to do today.
A honk from outside sets me in motion before I even finish my breakfast. “Gotta go! That’s Lo.” I stand and back away from the table. I nod at all my mom is saying and when my dad tells me to be safe, I lift a hand in the air. Once my boots and jacket are on, I fly out the door.
Lauren is bouncing in her car, hands flying around, while “The Real Slim Shady” blasts from her radio. I jump in and we drive the few miles into town until we get to the bakery. I ordered Jason’s favorite cake for him tonight, chocolate with fudge icing. Diane, the owner, went above and beyond and added Happy Birthday on top in white chocolate icing. My lips are in a permanent smile as we get back in the car and head to the local Walmart.
“What are you getting him for a gift?” Lauren asks, peeking at me sideways.
My cheeks flush a deep red just thinking about what I’d like to give him. More important than that, though, I want him to know how I feel. There have been many times in the last few months where I thought we were heading down that path until we were interrupted, usually by biz stuff or Jason’s family. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but I know his parents aren’t in a good place, and his dad’s health just continues to deteriorate.
Lauren giggles next to me, breaking me out of my internal meltdown. “Oh I see. You got him a cake but later you plan to give him some dessert!”
I smack her lightly in the shoulder. “Shut it.” My response only makes her laugh harder while my face continues to heat up. “Can we not talk about this?”
“We should,” Lauren stops laughing and her eyes grow serious, “are you sure?”
I chew on my bottom lip and think about what she’s saying. It’s not something I want to plan out; I want it to be spontaneous when it happens, but I also want to be safe. I know Jason has protection at his house. I saw it once on accident, but I definitely didn’t want details of when he got it. Yes, we’re prepared. Mentally and emotionally. I used to feel terrified. I’m not anymore. I love Jason with every piece of my heart and soul. When he said I was it for him, I believed it. It felt so final, more of a claiming than even a wedding ring. Everything in me screams that he’s the one. I’ve had eyes for only him since I was thirteen. But this is not something I want to talk about with anyone else, not even Lauren, even though I love her like a sister.
Huffing, I open my door. “Let’s just finish getting the party supplies.”
She follows my lead and doesn’t ask any more questions, thankfully. We pile bright orange crepe paper, plates, plastic utensils, and Solo cups into our cart, before heading to the food aisle. Matt said he could get the food. Knowing him, though, he most likely only got meat and buns. I throw bags of chips and a case of Gatorade into the cart as well. I know others will bring some of their own favorites too, so we don’t need much.
“How’s the new kid?” Lauren asks, arching her eyebrow. She’s fishing for information to see if he’d be her type.
I shrug my shoulders. “He’s kind of quiet. Polite. He’s in our grade.” I don’t mention his nightmares. It feels too personal to share.
She rolls her eyes. “Is he blonde, brunette, tall, short, what am I working with?”
I smirk. “Guess you’ll have to wait until later.”
She stops, her mouth dropping open. “You invited him?”
My shoulders lift. “I couldn’t leave him with my parents all night. My mom is already taking him shopping today. Besides, if you think he’s cute, you can volunteer to take him home tonight, then I can stay.” I bat my eyelashes at her, letting her in on my plan. A knowing smile plants itself on her mouth.
“Very sneaky, best friend,” she tells me, “I must be wearing off on you.”
We finish our shopping and easily load everything into the car. Lauren drives as if she’s channeling her inner Gone in 60 Seconds, and we arrive at the lake before everyone else. Matt gets here just after us and sets up the tents. As more people start to show up, I start stringing the crepe paper between the tents and in streams off the picnic table where we put all the snacks.
“Jason still with his family?” I ask, turning to Matt while he gets a fire lit.
“Grandma Bunny showed up,” he winces, “he’ll get here as soon as he can.”
We both hold in our laughter. Jason’s grandma insists on being called Bunny. There is nothing sweet and cuddly about her, though. The woman is sharp, boney, and has the attitude of the Grinch. Some years, she shows up for Jason’s birthday, and others, he just gets a card in the mail. This year is one she decided to surprise him.
Mid headshake, I notice Erika is sitting by herself on a picnic table near us. I make my way over to her and sit down.
“Hi.” I smile, and she relaxes slightly. Erika’s file was one of the scariest I’ve ever read. It’s circumstances like hers that I appreciate Matt’s family even more and respect them for everything they do. Erika is from Russia. She lost her parents when she was young and was living with distant relatives who sold her to human traffickers. She was abused and emotionally broken by the time she reached the U.S. If Matt’s family hadn’t intercepted her, she could very well be dead by now. Erika is beautiful and I can see why Matt likes her. When she’s having a good day, Erika is soft-hearted and cares about everyone. On her bad days, she avoids everyone because even the smallest noise or quick movement can make her panic.
“Hello.” She turns to me and gives me a small smile; she seems to be having a good day. I notice her accent is getting less noticeable in her words as well.
“I’m so happy the weather is nice. This would be a horrible party idea if the temps dropped. It’s what Jason wanted, though,” I joke and roll my eyes.
Erika studies my face, her wide blue eyes intense with emotion. “You really love him?”