"Then let's..."
"If I do get shot in the back of the head and don’t survive," I interrupted, "I would like Queen's ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ to be played at my funeral."
"Good choice," said Fletcher.
Solomon started to rise. "Swap seats," he ordered.
I waved him down with the donut I just pried from Fletcher's paws. "I said I'm fine," I told him as I tossed my hair theatrically. "Unless I come back as a zombie."
"That would be rough," said Fletcher.
"Maybe I should choose ‘Staying Alive’ by the BeeGees to be played instead," I pondered.
"Not gonna happen," said Solomon, barely restraining an eye roll.
"What do we have?" I asked.
Solomon fixed me with a long look. When it became uncomfortable, I smiled and bit into my donut. "A few interesting cases," he started. "A possible cat theft ring in the Bedford Hills. Several expensive pedigree female cats are missing and the owners are considering asking us to look more deeply into it."
"No need for that," said Delgado. "I have an informant in the neighborhood who says all the female cats are in heat; they’re just escaping for a little fun, if you know what I mean."
"I can't believe this is how my day is starting," I muttered while taking another bite of the donut.
"Who's your informant?" asked Solomon.
"The local veterinary surgeon. Cool guy. Says he's been trying to convince the homeowners to neuter their cats for months but they won't listen. Now maybe they will, since it sounds like there will soon be a crossbred kitten explosion."
"I'll let them know to contact us in a few days if the cats don’t return," said Solomon. He put the file to one side. "Next up is a strip bar on the outskirts of town. Their cash register comes up short every night and they want someone to look into it. They can employ one of us undercover until we get a camera system up and running."
All eyes except Solomon's turned to me. "Nope," I said. "I'm not going undercover as a stripper."
"There won't be anything undercover about it," spluttered Fletcher as he tried not to laugh.
"The undercover role will be at the bar," said Solomon. "No nudity required."
"What about dancing on the bar?" asked Flaherty. He looked at me. "Do we know anyone specifically proficient in that area?"
I chewed my donut and stayed quiet.
"What exactly do they wear behind the bar?" wondered Fletcher. "Do we know anyone who wears tight clothing and tosses her hair all the time?"
This donut really was delicious!
"Solomon already said it's not a clothes-off gig," said Delgado. "Maybe it calls for a cocktail waitress outfit. Little, black dress and a stiletto heel straight into the balls if anyone gets too handsy. Lexi can take care of that."
"Still nope," I said. It was bad enough helping Lily out at her bar when she was short-staffed. At least, her clientele didn't expect anything "extra" from the employees.
"That's fine," said Solomon. "It's not actually a female strip bar. It's guys. One of you is taking it," he added, glancing at my colleagues. "You can wear tight outfits, stilettos and toss your hair all you want, but it's not required."
"I'm sorry, what?" said Fletcher as his head shot up.
"It's a male strip bar. The guys are the ones doing all the stripping. You'll be at the bar, serving drinks and taking cash, while keeping an eye on the other bartenders and employees," explained Solomon. "Any volunteers?"
I licked the sugar off my fingers and tried not to laugh.
"I'm not in such good shape right now," said Delgado, patting his stomach. "I don't think I'd blend in."
"Then it's one of you two," said Solomon, moving his gaze to Fletcher and Flaherty.
"Rock, paper, scissors?" said Fletcher, holding out his hand. He lost the first round, won the second, then suggested, "Best of three?"
"Moving on," said Solomon while the pair continued to duke it out. "Delgado, I have one for you." Solomon opened the next file and read the issue out loud while Delgado nodded along.
"Just my thing, boss," said Delgado, taking the file and flipping the pages. "I'll get right on it. Might be a simple solution, based on the client interview."
"Anything else?" I asked.
"There's a cyber security case at one of the local investment firms. They suspect spyware on their computer network..."
"Not my forte," I told him, not that he didn't already know that.
"I'm taking that one," Solomon confirmed. "Lucas is already working on it, hence his absence from the meeting. The last one is a stakeout at a business downtown. The prospective client suspects his partner of attempting to force the sale of the business and wants him followed to ascertain any underhanded dealings that might be going on. That's more Fletcher or Flaherty's area of expertise although the strip club case came in first so we might have to decline this one. You two can choose between the cases."
"So, I have nothing to do?" I asked.
"The cat case might come back to us."
"I can hardly wait!"
"I want you to handle any walk-ins tomorrow," asked Solomon. "It's your turn to take care of the phones so try to enjoy some down time. Something will come in soon and I want to have a PI fully ready."
"Sure." I brightened. "Can I take off for the rest of the day since I'm not officially needed right now? Lily wanted me to go with her somewhere."
"Yes, but keep your phone with you in case I have to call you in," replied Solomon. He glanced at Fletcher and Flaherty. "Are you two still deciding who goes to the male strip bar?"
"Best of twenty-five," said Fletcher, bouldering his hand.
"You could always decline the case," I suggested.
"I could," said Solomon, "but the club belongs to a much bigger firm that serve as an umbrella company for a range of businesses. This case is small fry but they might have something more challenging next time. I'd like for us to make a good impression."
"We're off to a great start," I said as I watched my colleagues play their hand game. I pushed my chair back and followed Solomon and Delgado out. Delgado returned to his desk and I trailed Solomon into his office. I didn't bother shutting the door behind me, but lingered instead in the doorway. "Were they joking with me about getting shot because my back was to the window?" I asked.
Solomon glanced up as he dropped the case files onto his desk. "Were you actually worried about that?" he asked.
"No," I said, running a hand over the back of my head self-consciously.
"There's a grain of truth in it. They are trained to expect danger. And to look for things. Mainly dangerous situations. They can't do that if they have their backs to the room, or the window or a wide-open space. Mostly though, they were just messing with you."
The tension dropped from my shoulders. "So reassuring."
Solomon moved the few steps towards me and ran his hands along my upper arms, giving me tingles. "That's why I let them run their mouths off before announcing one of them was being assigned to the male strip bar," he said.