He didn’t mind the music, but it also wasn’t something he’d have listened to on his own. His mother had loved carols, but they also made her cry for his sister who’d drowned at age three. Christmas had never been the same after little Ava died. It was always a teary affair, never joyous as it should be.
Mendez thought of his own son, lost before he’d ever known about the boy, and his heart ached for what might have been. A glance at Kat filled his heart with love and fierce protectiveness. Kat wasn’t paralyzed by her loss the way his mother had been. The baby she carried would never be ignored because she was busy grieving the child she’d lost. Not the way he’d been.
He’d wanted his mother’s love and attention, and he’d had it, but it was never an all-encompassing thing. She’d loved from a distance. After his father died a few years later, when Mendez was still in high school, his mother withdrew even further.
And now dementia had stolen the rest of her so that she didn’t know him anymore. He made sure she was taken care of, but he rarely went to see her these days. His presence agitated her, so he didn’t go.
He pulled into the garage of the home he and Kat had purchased together just a few short months ago. It was a big house, grander than anything he’d ever expected to buy, but it had a yard and plenty of room for a growing family. Not that Kat was likely to get pregnant again, but they’d discussed adoption in the future. His life, once so regimented, was filled with possibilities these days.
“Kat,” he said softly.
Her eyes opened, their blue depths filled with the kind of joy that still managed to stagger him sometimes. After everything she’d been through, she was a happy person. It was one of the things he loved about her. It wasn’t that she didn’t get sad, but she didn’t dwell on her sadness. She always found the positive side of things.
“I’m awake,” she replied. “Just warm and full and enjoying the music.”
“We’re home, solnishko. You can keep listening inside. Or we can go to bed if you’re tired.”
“I want to decorate the tree, Johnny.”
He hadn’t had a Christmas tree in years, but now there was a fresh fir sitting in the living room waiting for the ornaments that he and Kat had bought recently.
“It’s nearly ten. You sure you don’t want to do it tomorrow?”
“No, I want to do it now. Tomorrow, you could have a crisis in the world and then we won’t get it done until Christmas is over.”
He chuckled. “God, I hope there’s no crisis tomorrow. All right let’s go. You start the hot chocolate and I’ll put the hooks on the ornaments.”
“Let’s put on our pajamas first.”
“Right. Good idea.”
They went inside and down the hall to their bedroom. It was sparsely decorated, like much of the house, but they were working on it as they had time. Kat wanted just the right furniture, the right curtains and decorations. Whatever she wanted was fine with him, so he let her take her time.
Except for the nursery, which was fully decorated and ready to go. She hadn’t wanted to wait on that one at all, especially once they’d found out the gender of their baby. He still got mushy inside when he thought of the little girl growing inside her. The little girl that was nearly here.
The thought terrified him sometimes. He was fifty-one years old, a general in the United States Army, nearing retirement if he wanted it, in charge of the baddest ass group of military Special Operators the world had ever known—and he was terrified of a tiny baby girl coming into his life and making him feel as if he didn’t know a damned thing or have any control.
He’d strode into war zones with more confidence than he felt over greeting this little girl.
Kat came over and put her arms around him once he’d shrugged out of his suit jacket and hung it up in their massive walk-in closet.
“You’re brooding, Johnny. Is everything okay?”
He squeezed her and kissed the top of her head. “Everything is wonderful. Just thinking about things.”
“The kind of things you can tell me about or not?”
He sighed as he laid his cheek against her hair. “It’s our daughter. What if I can’t protect her? What if I fail and something gets past my watch? What if the evil in the world wins?”
Kat squeezed him hard. Then she tilted her head back and stared up at him with a fierceness he admired. Most people wouldn’t know it to look at her, but his wife was not a typical wife. Kat had spent years in the Russian FSB—the equivalent of the old KGB—and she’d worked for both the mafia and Ian Black. He pitied anyone who crossed her.
“You won’t fail, Johnny. The evil will not win. There is you, and all your people. There’s Ian and his people. There are men and women we don’t even know who are working hard for all our tomorrows. There will always be evil, but there will always be people like us—like you—who fight it.”
“You’re right,” he said, even if it still worried him. But he couldn’t let his fears affect her. Kat had enough to do right now. She had to deliver a baby soon, and he wasn’t going to upset her. Or activate her protective instincts because he had no doubt she’d go full-on mama grizzly if she felt threatened. He wasn’t going to let any threats perforate the bubble of their happiness.
“I know I am. Now get your sexy ass changed so we can decorate.”
He turned to unbutton his shirt and Kat slapped him on the ass. Mendez growled at her, but she only laughed.
“Later, big boy. I think when we have finished the tree, I’m going to want to feel you inside me.”
“Kat,” he groaned. He’d never known that pregnant women could be so turned on all the time, but Kat was. Since about the second trimester she’d wanted to make love as often as possible. He didn’t mind, though they’d had to get creative lately as she’d gotten bigger. She’d been small for much of her pregnancy, but the past month or so had really made a difference as she ballooned out.
“You won’t hurt me,” she said, accurately reading his expression. “I feel fine.”
She picked up her sleep pants and top and sashayed toward the master bath where she hummed a Christmas carol as she started the shower. His dick throbbed as he imagined her stripping off her cocktail dress and slipping beneath the spray.
And then, because he wanted to see her pretty, naked body, he finished undressing and grabbed the Christmas sleep pants she’d bought him before strolling into the bathroom to watch her soap her creamy skin.
Their eyes met and Kat’s twinkled. “Come to join me?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Oh yes,” she said, her eyes raking him from head to toe. “I can think of nothing better.”
4
Kat sat on the couch and sipped the hot cocoa she’d made while Johnny hung the ornaments where she told him. She’d hung several as well, but her back had started to ache and he’d made her sit down.
“There,” she said, pointing at a blank spot on the tree. “Put it right there.”
He dutifully hung the shiny silver snowflake and reached for another. She let her gaze slide over him—from the formfitting black T-shirt to the baggy plaid sleep pants with the drawstring that hung low on his hips. His muscles bunched and stretched as he reached up high to hang the next snowflake.