“Go ahead and have a seat.” He gestures to the bed and Ana sits down. I get the feeling she’s trying to set a good example for me when she lightly tugs my hand. I sit beside her, grasping the dirty sheet against my chest while Dr. Halvorson takes a small light from his brown leather bag. Everyone knows the drill, so when he approaches, I carefully open my mouth and stick out my tongue so he can see. Not a sound slips past my lips. My jaw hurts so bad, like the bones are bruised. He makes a small concerned humming noise before gently tapping my chin with one finger telling me it’s okay to close.
“There’s a lot of trauma there Nikki.” He says, his brow furrowed, his voice vibrating with barely concealed anger. I know he’s not mad at me, but I still pull the sheet tighter around myself and lean toward Ana without conscious thought. I know I shouldn’t be frightened of him, but I am. I remain mute as Dr. Halvorson straightens and takes a deep breath, his hands clenched in white-knuckled fists. “Can you tell me what happened?” He touches his throat, indicating that he wants me to explain how my throat got hurt. I suspect he has a good idea but wants me to confirm his suspicions. I don’t want to admit what happened, not even to myself. Admitting it out loud, in front of other people, will make it too real. Scalding tears roll down my cheeks. I don’t want anyone to know, but I have to tell him if he’s going to be able to help me.
Deciding that I don’t have to give too many details, I whisper. “They choked me.” The bruises from that can’t be mistaken so that much should be obvious. He nods his agreement, clearly waiting for me to continue. The anger burning behind his eyes tells me that he knows there’s more to the tale. I sigh, reluctant to continue. This is so humiliating.
“When he couldn’t…” I suck in a wheezing breath, my lungs painfully tight. “He let the other men… use… my mouth.” A pinched, thunderous look crashes over his face, and I lower mine into my hands, grateful that Grayson didn’t return with the doctor as shame digs its painful claws deep and tears through me.
Beside me, speaking so softly that I can barely hear her over the rush of blood in my ears, Ana says, “They may have done that, but Nikki told me that they didn’t force her to have intercourse, just… blowjobs?” Her voice is unsure when she uses the term. I can tell she doesn’t like using it to describe what was done to me, but hell… I don’t know what to call it either. I don’t even want to think about it, let alone verbalize it. Glad for the moment to gather the unraveling shreds of my composure I close my eyes and take a long slow breath. I hold it until my cells cry for oxygen and release it slowly before taking another.
I look up, ready to proceed, and find them both quietly watching me.
“Is that true Nikki?” he inquires gently. I nod, unable to articulate the labyrinth of my thoughts.
“That’s good.” His deep voice is reassuring. “That means a pelvic exam won’t be needed. Which I’m sure is a relief to you.”
I nod again, the tension in my body loosening the tiniest amount as he continues.
“We can focus on getting samples off your skin and catalog any injuries you have. Then you can take a shower. I’m sure you want one.”
I nod again. I really do. More than I’ve ever wanted anything before. I itch everywhere, and I know I smell bad even though my nose is blind to it.
“I’ll need you to lie down on the bed,” he tells me.
A fresh wave of panic hits me. I shake my head no, then realizing that I’m not being reasonable, try to make an excuse. “I don’t want to get the bed dirty.” It’s a lie and we all know it. I’m terrified and it’s obvious.
“Oh! Don’t worry about the sheets!” Ana squeezes my hand reassuringly before letting go to make her way into the bathroom again, returning moments later with huge white bath sheets draped over her arm. She was so quick I didn’t even have time to worry about being left alone with a man I don’t know. Carefully she spreads the fresh linen out on the bed and gives me an encouraging smile.
“You can cover up with this one,” she says, holding it out to me. I grasp it tightly against my chest. Dr. Halvorson turns his wide back toward us, giving me a modicum of privacy while Ana helps me unwind the filthy sheet from my body. Her gasp of shock when the circle of burns on my stomach is revealed sounds like thunder in the silent room. I quickly move to cover them with my hands, a mixture of shame and anger making my cheeks burn. When I look up tears are dripping from her aqua eyes leaving fat trails down her pale cheeks. “I’m so sorry Nikki.”
I shrug one shoulder. What else can I do? There’s nothing to say, and it’s not her fault. It’s mine… I’m the one who let myself be convinced to work somewhere I knew was a bad idea. I was just so desperate. I remember one of my foster mothers telling me that people get what’s coming to them. I should’ve packed up and gone home to Alabama when it became clear I wasn’t going to find another job, but instead I took the coward’s way out and stayed. I could have gone home; there are always empty trailers in the park. I could have gone back to working at the grocery store. Even having to face Ronny and the small-town gossips would’ve been better than this…
From deep inside a small voice reminds me that I met Grayson in that place and he, by some miracle, was the one that carried me out of hell and into this place. No one seems to want to hurt me here. In fact, they seem to want nothing other than to help me, a complete stranger. Ana is crying over my pain, something no one has done before in my entire life.
Unable to resist her soft urging I drop the dirty fabric I’m still clutching and gingerly lie down on the large, clean towel. She drapes another one over my hips and legs then carefully places a regular sized bath towel over my breasts so that only the burns on my abdomen are exposed.
“We’re ready, Doctor,” she says, climbing onto the bed beside me and holding my trembling hand between her own icy cold ones.
Dr. Halvorson’s eyes survey the damage done to my skin and he mumbles a string of curses foul enough to make a sailor blush. I don’t have to look down to know what he’s seeing. Most of the burns are still red and weeping, though the older ones have finally scabbed over. I think that some of them might be healing. I checked them the best I could earlier today. I know that some of the small wounds are infected and I’d briefly wondered if I could die from that. I know that before antibiotics, people died from infections all the time. At the time I’d hoped I would die from infection rather than at the hands of the men who were holding me captive, but I guess it really wouldn’t have mattered. I still would’ve been dead and no one would have missed me.
Chapter Eleven
Grayson
There’s no way I can go back there while Derrick examines her. I don’t know what his examination will entail, but knowing he’ll have to look at her body and touch her makes me feel a little crazy. I know it’s necessary. I know it won’t be anything like what we just liberated her from. And fuck if I don’t know that Derrick is not only a damn good doctor, but a good man as well, but I just can’t stand the thought of any man having his eyes or hands on her. Other than me. Having her back in my arms after the weeks I spent searching drives me to cherish and protect her from anything that might hurt her. Even someone I trust.