Along with everyone else in The Royal Court, I’d avoided speaking with Kyle, but he was the one I missed the most. He knew me better than nearly anyone else in my life, and I think the idea that he’d see through me terrified me. It was already bad enough that Nikita was hanging around, taking care of me while still silently riddling me with guilt, and I figured that having just one of those people in my life while trying to figure out what was next for me was enough.
Just like back when Deon left, Kyle had stuck around, and he’d gotten very little from me in return. Seeing him gave me that familiar, finally-home feeling, and I hated that I’d avoided seeing him for so long.
Looking through the window to my right, I could see Gerald still chuckling with the group of people he was talking to. “I met Gerald.”
“Oh, yeah. Pop’s a really good man. He and my mom have been friends since childhood. She lived around here, growing up, but moved to South Postings during her residency, and well, that doctor’s salary allowed her to start a family down there. She always made sure to bring me around here a lot, though. This is my favorite place.”
“He’s…” There was a shake to my voice I wasn’t expecting. “I get why Deon wanted to come back here.”
Kyle nodded. “Yeah. I knew I couldn’t say that to you back then, but I got it too. My mom always talked about it. How hard it was to go from here to there. The feeling is just different. People are people up here. It’s not about how much money you make, who you’re married to, or what your affiliation is with a certain group of people. They just look out for each other. It’s really something special.”
“That’s what I always wanted from The Royal Court,” I admitted. “I wanted this warmth. I guess I just figured out that it’s not something that can be forced.”
“I don’t know,” Kyle said. “Maybe not at first, but we’ve stayed stuck to each other for four years.”
“Yeah, because I’m a piece of shit,” I replied. “Not because they wanted to be. I lied to Cherri, I blackmailed Alistair, I bribed Avery and Colette, and Jaxon came with Nikita. Let’s face it, most of you are only in it because you didn’t know what I’d do if you tried to leave.”
“Ah, so this is what we’re doing, huh? The self-loathing?” Kyle asked, sipping a cup of coffee.
“I’m just joining the club,” I replied.
Kyle took a deep, long breath. “Well, okay then. I’m your best friend, so we’ll get through it together. I expected something a little angrier, not melodramatic pity, but however you gotta get through it, I get it.”
I glared across the table at him. “Is this your version of tough love?”
“Sure,” he replied.
“Most of my friends are fabricated, I snapped and raped my ex, my mom is dead, and my dad and brother are missing,” I rattled off. “The fully-grown adults at my dad’s company keep relying on me to make their decisions, and the woman I love won’t go all-in with me because I did the one thing that she hates most. I think I’ve earned the right to be a little emotional.”
Kyle’s eyes softened. “Sorry. You’re right. You have. This side of you is new, so forgive me if I don’t know how to deal with it.”
The anger that had been growing in me dissipated. “Yeah, that’s fair.”
“I meant what I said, regardless,” Kyle said. “The part about being here for you. I’m your best friend. I’ve stuck by you through everything, and this is no different, so…” He sighed. “Please don’t shut me out for two weeks ever again. I’ve lost sleep.”
Guilt didn’t describe how I felt at that statement. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Just don’t do that again.”
A waitress came over, took our order, and brought me some coffee. As I stirred some creamer and sugar in, I looked up at Kyle. “It’s not just you, you know. I haven’t talked to anyone except for Nikita.”
“I know,” Kyle replied. “How are things with her? Still not going great?”
“How could they? She doesn’t trust me, and I can’t blame her,” I replied. “We’ve been…intimate, but there’s still this huge wall between us, and I honestly don’t know how to break it down.”
“It may just take time,” Kyle said. “Nikita loves you. That’s not some big mystery.”
“Yeah, and if I hadn’t done what I did to Cherri, there would be no issue, but I did.” I stared down into the caramel-colored coffee. “I fucked up, Kyle.”
“Yeah, you did,” Kyle said. “We have spoken at length about kicking your ass for what you did, but you’ve been through a lot, and Avery didn’t want to make things worse.”
“I’d have deserved it.” Kyle gave me an exhausted look, and I backed off. “Sorry. Anyway, you’ve talked to everyone, then?”
“All except Cherri,” Kyle replied. “She’s not talking to anyone. Everyone’s tried, but no luck. It wasn’t a great Christmas all around for The Royal Court.”
“How bad off is everyone?”
“Well, not to make you feel even more terrible, but it’s worse than I thought it would be.” Kyle took a sip of his coffee. “Avery’s inconsolable, having lost Cherri. Apparently, she bought her a ton of Christmas presents and tried to drop them off for her at her parent’s house, but her mom wouldn’t even take them. Said she didn’t want to waste Avery’s money because Cherri wouldn’t accept them.”
My heart broke. For all the shit that I’d caused, forcing The Royal Court into existence, Cherri and Avery’s pure, real friendship was one of the good things that came from it. I hated knowing that I caused that rift. “Damn.”
“Alistair has, of course, been with her the entire time, but he doesn’t know how to help her. He’s been trying non-stop. He’s pretty exhausted. Jaxon is Jaxon. You know, he’s not much of a talker, but he’s been exceptionally quiet. Brayden is who I’ve talked to the most.”
“He called me non-stop during Christmas break.”
“Yeah, he wouldn’t stop talking about you for a second. Kept saying that we should do something to help you, but I told him you just needed space. He wanted to try and force the Christmas party, but I knew people wouldn’t be in a celebratory mood. I hung out with him a lot over Christmas break.”
I raised an eyebrow, knowing that Kyle wasn’t Brayden’s number one fan by any stretch. “Really?”
“Well? No one really likes dealing with him other than you, but you were MIA. I was… I don’t know. I was trying to look out for everyone. Him too.”
In truth, Kyle would probably make a way better leader of The Royal Court than I had been, but I knew he wouldn’t take it if I offered it, so I kept that thought to myself. “Thanks. What about Colette?”
Kyle’s face went from indifferent to flat out depressed. “She’s, uh…” He let out a sigh. “She’s taking it hard. Like, really hard. She’s decided to step down as valedictorian and class president.”