"Hey, that's not what I call me. That's what the women call me."
"What women? I saw one woman last night."
"Well, yeah, you know, one is enough. Tiffany can call me big daddy anytime she likes. So how was it staying over at Olivia's? What's her place like?"
"It's actually really cute. It's small like she said. I can understand why she didn't want the both of us to stay there. There really wouldn't have been any room."
"I don't know why she got such a small place. She knows that we're going to visit from time to time."
"Dude. She's not going to get a place for when we visit maybe once or twice a year. And this is San Francisco, remember? I think she couldn't afford to get anything more than what she has now."
"Yeah, I know. I don't think she's making that much money." Derrick sat down at the table in the seat across from me. "Well, are you hungry? I'm really hungry."
"Yeah, I could eat. What do you want to get? A burger or something?"
"You're talking my language, man. That's why we're best friends."
"Ha ha. So yeah, are you going to see Tiffany again?" I ask him, wondering if he really thought the girl was smart and beautiful or if he just wanted her for one night.
"Hey, you know, she's not a bad girl. I think I'll see her again tonight."
"Tonight? I thought we would hang out.” I frowned.
“Dude, you don't cock block when one of your friends has a girlfriend."
"A girlfriend? You literally just met up with her again last night. You haven't seen her in 10 years. She's not really your girlfriend now."
"Well, you know, man. Sometimes there's instant chemistry and instant connection and well, things are going fast between us."
"Um, what do you mean by fast?" I asked him slowly, studying his face. This didn't sound good.
Well, I just mean that she could be the one."
"The one meaning ..."
"You know, the one."
"I know what most people think of when they say the one. Are you sure you're saying that with the same meaning about Tiffany?"
"Yeah. Why?" he looked at me with narrowed eyes. "You got something against her?"
"No, I don't have anything against her. I just don't think that she's necessarily the right girl for you."
"And why is that?"
"She's ditsy, dude. Come on. Like, I know this can't be news to you."
"Oh, no, she's fine. She was just drunk. She was just excited. She's cool. She’s not a ditz."
"If you say so."
Derrick let out a huge grin. "Trust me, dude. She's cool."
"Derrick, I'm not talking about cool in the bedroom. I mean-"
"Tyler, my main man, you know me. I'm cool. I'm good. She's good."
"Well, I don't know what Olivia would think about you being in a serious relationship with her."
"Well, Olivia has nothing to do with it."
"Yeah, but you don't care what your sister thinks?"
Of course I care what my sister thinks, but I'm not going to make any decisions based upon that."
"Oh, really?" I asked him with a small smile on my face. “So then you wouldn't care if Olivia made decisions that you didn't like?"
"What'd you mean? What decisions?"
"I mean, what if she dated a guy that you didn't think was right for her? You'd be okay with that?"
"No. Who the hell is she dating?"
"She's not dating anyone from what I know, but I'm saying what if she did date someone and you weren't exactly a fan of him. Would you be okay with that? Would you accept that decision?"
"Dude, I don't know what you're talking about. Olivia has no man, and I don't see any men coming in the future with her attitude." He laughed.
"Wow, dude, that's harsh."
"I'm just saying. You know, these women, they've got to be more honest about what they want. Like Tiffany. She tells me exactly what she wants and I do it and we're happy."
"Dude, you've been with her one night. That doesn't count."
"Hey, it was one night of super sweet loving."
"Oh, too much information, too too much."
"What can I say? I'm made for loving, you know. All the women love Big Derrick."
"No one has ever said that to you, Derrick." I ignored the fact that I had just called myself something similar to his sister.
"How would you know Tyler?"
"Because I've been your best friend for over 20 years and I have never once heard a woman say 'all the women love Big Derrick.'"
"Sorry. Yeah, they say King Derrick."
"You wish."
"Ha ha. That's right. I do wish." He shook his head. “Let’s eat and then figure out a plan for the afternoon.
"Hey, we're just going to show up to Olivia's office? Does she know that we're coming." I asked as we left the restaurant. Derrick’s idea of showing up at her office didn’t seem particularly smart to me, but I would be happy to see her.
"Dude, I'm her brother. She'll be happy to show me around."
"Yeah, but doesn't she have to work? Like, will her boss be there? Is her boss going to be okay with us just showing up?"
"She works in a small office and she's always talking about how much her boss loves her and how cool her coworkers are, so I think we're good."
"That's true. She was telling me last night that she really liked the people that she worked with."
"Oh, yeah, Tyler. So you never told me what happened last night. How did that go?"
"Nothing much happened," I said smoothly. "We just went to bed real quick, you know?"
"Okay then." He looked at me through the side of his eyes and then shrugged. "So have you come up with any plans now that we're in San Francisco?"
"What'd you mean?"
"I mean, are there places you want us to see?"
"I don't know. I was thinking that perhaps we could go to Golden Gate Park. Maybe we could go out to Alcatraz Island. It'd be really cool. I think Al Capone was there at one point."
"Really? Al Capone." Derrick looked surprised. "I didn't know that. Yeah, that sounds cool."
"Oh, yeah, and I was thinking maybe we could do a bike ride across the Golden Gate Bridge."
"Dude." Derrick looked at me with a smile on his face. "I'm not riding a bike across Golden Gate Bridge. I'm out."
"But it looks like it's going to be so much fun."
"Then find a girl to do it with. I am not riding a bike with these thick thighs and thick calves across Golden Gate Bridge. Ain't going to happen."
"I bet if I was Tiffany, it would happen," I laughed.
"Yeah, dude, but you're not a cute blonde. You're just my friend."
"Actually I'll have you know people do think I'm a cute blonde."
"Yeah. But you're male. I like females."