He doesn’t.
Like typical Asher, he keeps his space from me, and his shoulders sag when his hands drop to his side. He lifts his arms out to the sides and grips the crown molding of the trim. “Please let the doctor check you?” he asks, licking his plump lips with his tongue, wetting them, which causes a sleek shine against the yellow light of the chandelier.
My hand lands on the door handle, and the cool touch of the metal has me inhaling a desperate breath. “What?” I snap. I’m being nasty for no reason. I don’t want to be. I have a lot to figure out and work through, but I’m not mad at him or anyone.
Maybe I am.
I’m mad at the world, at the universe for doing this to me. I’m allowed to feel that, right? To have all these mixed up emotions bombarding me all at once?
“The doctor,” he repeats. “Let the doctor see you.”
“I don’t see why you care. I’m fine.”
“You are far from fine. You and I both know that and for a good reason. Health-wise, you need to make sure you don’t have any sexually transmitted diseases from him.”
“I don’t want to.” I don’t want to face more bad news. Mentally, I can’t handle what else that evil man has in store for me. I know Asher is right, but I’m not strong enough to face the truths yet.
“I know you don’t, baby, but the sooner, the better.” He lays his hand over his heart, and the white’s of his eyes turn red as he removes his palm from his chest and presses it over mine. Asher leaves enough space, so his skin isn’t touching mine, just air, but the gesture has a microscopic piece of my anger slipping away. “I’ll be here if you need me.”
“Yeah?” I sneer, preparing to shut the door. “Where were you for those six years when I needed you most?” I slam the door shut in his face, spin around, and slide down the smooth wood until my butt hits the floor. Bringing my legs to my chest, I wrap my arms around them and bury my face in my thighs, and cry.
I need to stop blaming the world. Asher, Jolie, Sebastian, the real person who deserves the blame is me.
If I wasn’t visiting Grace, if I was wearing something else, maybe a dress that wasn’t so snug, if I didn’t go alone, maybe none of this would have happened.
What goes around comes around, I suppose.
I did lie under oath, ruined a man’s life, and now I’m here, in his house, after the worst thing imaginable has happened to me.
If that isn’t karma, I don’t know what is.
Did I deserve this all along?
Three
Heaven
Staring at that closed door reminds me of a dream I had last night. Granted, it wasn’t a door I was looking at, but the closed iron bars of a prison cell. I press my forehead against the barrier between us.
Another damn barrier after so many years of being forced to be away from her, I have another one to charge through. I’ll do it. I’ll do it every time. I won’t stop now. I can’t now that she is here. Quitting would be pointless, especially now that she is here, but circumstances…
Fuck!
The circumstances are beyond climbing over.
How can I earn her trust after everything she has been through? It’s why I let her hit me. Hell, I know I shouldn’t, but I’d let her beat the fuck out of me if it made her feel better. I can’t imagine what kind of pain she’s been holding inside, and a lot of that does have to do with me because she testified against an innocent man, and I know in my gut that she knows that.
She’s lost.
I’m going to find her and bring her home.
A place she has belonged since I’ve known her since I was fourteen.
She’s more than a quick glance, a stammering conversation, a movie date; she’s the kind of woman a man spends forever with. I’m going to be that man. I have my work cut out for me, but I don’t care what it takes.
I’ll break.
I’ll bleed.
I’ll kill.
Whatever she wants me to do for her, I’ll do if it means this door is no longer between us.
“You have a lot of explaining to do, Heaven,” Sebastian says from my right, crossing his arms and legs as he leans his shoulder against the wall.
“Do I have to?” I pout, not wanting to leave this area. What if she opens the door and she wants to talk to me? I have to be here.
“Considering you know the woman— more than know— the woman staying in that room, especially with what she has been through, I think it makes sense that you tell us, so we aren’t taken by surprise by anything. I don’t know, like…” Sebastian ponders, tapping his chin as he profoundly thinks about how to save me.
Eye roll.
“Like getting slapped in the middle of the hallway or maybe we will find you two making out next—”
“—Don’t,” I point my finger into his face and crowd his body as the need to protect Heather surges through me. “Don’t talk like that. I don’t expect anything. I do not want that from her, not right now, and if not ever, fine. I came to the conclusion when I was seventeen that I wouldn’t have a chance with Heather Thomas. If I have to make do with living the rest of my life without her, then I’ll do that because that is what she wants. It’s always about what she wants.” I push by him and walk down the hall, passing a new picture on the wall of all of the team. Quinn was super pregnant in this picture. She looked miserable, poor thing. I turn my head over my shoulder, wanting to make sure I add one more thing so Sebastian doesn’t think I’m crazy. “Now, if she wants to kiss me, that’s another story,” I say calmly. “Obviously, I’d kiss her back, but only if that is what she wanted.”
Sebastian chuckles and kicks the wall to push himself off. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
I mock him, and I thought I hid the childish gesture, but I didn’t. He hits me on the back of the head, and I stick out my bottom lip in a tantrum.
“Toughen up. I doubt Jaxon will be as easy on you.”
“Psh, easy is my last name. I guarantee you I get a warning.”
“Fifty bucks,” he bets, sticking out his hand to seal the deal.
“One-hundred and a basket of chocolate muffins.”
He eyes me, debating if I’m serious or worth it.
I’m both.
I’m always worth it.
“Fine.”
Ha. Sucker.
While poking fun is a good time, I know what Sebastian is trying to do. He wants to take my mind off what just happened. I appreciate it. It’s needed. The woman I was in love with when I was a teenager is here, under this roof, and I finally have the ability to show her the kind of man I am.
When I saw Heather’s name on the news earlier as I drank my coffee and ate my muffin, I wondered if the woman here was her. When I saw her college graduate photo posted on the local news, I put two and two together. How many women are named Heather and have been missing for a few months?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say not many.
When the thought hit me, I don’t remember getting up and running to the room I knew our guest was in. My heart dropped to my feet though, and terror, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, paralyzed me. I didn’t want her to be behind that door, but I knew.