It isn’t an excuse for him serving six years and I wouldn’t be surprised if he never spoke to me again.
“Hey.” The door creaks open and Jolie’s tentative voice gets my attention. I look over my shoulder to see her holding two sparkling waters and tissues. She shuts the door and stares at the wall where the hot chocolate is, and she kicks the glass pieces out of the way. There are a few pieces she didn’t get, and they crunch under her shoe. “Did Heaven do this?” she asks, stunned at the mess left in his wake.
“Yeah,” I croak, hating that I am the one that ruined his happiness.
Jolie sits on the corner of the bed and hands me the green bottle. I sniffle, sit up, and reach for the cold glass. It’s sweating from the condensation and it slips in my palm and falls on the bed. Luckily, the bottle isn’t open, and the water doesn’t spill.
I wipe my cheek with my arm to dry the damn tears, but now that Jolie is here, my resolve is breaking. “He has every right to be angry with me.”
“It isn’t like him to lose it like that. What happened?” she asks.
I unscrew the cap and take a swig of the water. The carbonation tickles my throat and burns my nose, but it feels good when the bubbles settle in my stomach. So much has happened today. I’ve talked to more people than I have in months and a part of me wants to throw a fit and the other part of me wants to beg for touch.
I didn’t want to accept anyone’s friendship or kindness. I wanted to wither away, but being around people like Jolie and Asher, they make me miss interaction. I’m just not ready for a lot of it and today there has been so much.
All I want to do is sleep, but I can’t.
All I want to do is turn back time, but I can’t.
All I want to do is wish I told the truth sooner, but I can’t.
“How much do you know about Asher and I?” I ask, placing the green bottle between my knees to hold it upright, but damn, it is cold.
“He told us everything the other day. Your sister, his family, what he got charged with, and how he really cares about you.”
“Cares about me?” I scoff and shake my head. “He doesn’t care about me, not that I really want to focus on that right now, but Asher isn’t the innocent kind of guy. He doesn’t do relationships.”
“Yeah, he isn’t, but he has carried a torch for you for ages. I don’t think he has ever been in a relationship while I’ve known him, but he told us how long he has had feelings for you and you’re the only one I know of he has talked about.”
I close my eyes as years of misunderstandings hit me all at once. I’m such an idiot. All those years of him wanting me, he truly wanted me. He didn’t want to use me, and if I was smart, I would have seen that because when it came to him picking up girls, he never hesitated like he did with me. “Well, I ruined any chance of that.”
“What happened, Heather? You can talk to me.”
“I know that,” I whisper, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I just haven’t been wanting to talk because I didn’t know where to begin, you know?”
“I know how tough it is. I’ve been there.”
“I don’t want to talk about what happened. I’m not ready to do that.”
“I just wanted to come and check on you. I heard the shouting match in here and I know that is so unlike him. Even when Owen pushed him out of the glass door, Owen told me Heaven accepted his fate and forgave him.”
“You aren’t making me feel better.”
Jolie tosses her head back and laughs. “I’m not trying to. I’m trying to understand how Heaven got that angry. That’s proof right there how he feels for you.”
I grab the pillow Heaven leaned up against earlier and hold it to my chest. “He told you I testified against him?”
“He did. I’m so sorry you had to do that.”
“Me too because when I was under oath, I lied. I’m the reason why he spent six years in prison.”
A cloud of anger morphs her face for a split second, but then it is gone. “Why would you do that?” she asks.
“Because I was scared, hurt, and angry. Asher was already in the hot seat, and I found him to be the easiest target. It wasn’t right. I know that. And back then, I didn’t like Asher. I mean, I did, but I didn’t like that I liked him. He was cocky, conceited, arrogant, and when I saw him covered in my sister’s blood, there was a piece of me that believe he did it, for a long time, until it was too late. I came to peace with my sister’s death and the anger fled. And I knew that what I did was wrong. I had no idea how to fix it, but I knew the truth. It’s what I told him tonight, that I knew, and he rightfully so got angry. He deserved to know the truth. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again. I can’t believe I’m here out of all the places.” I swipe my cheek with my hand again, then take another drink of the water.
“Wow.” Jolie lays down on the bed and stares at the ceiling. “Well, maybe you can reverse your testimony? What if there was a way for his record to be expunged because he was wrongfully accused.”
I was about to ask where that left me, but that doesn’t really matter. Asher deserves to live the rest of his life of the truth that’s always been hiding under my massive lie.
Even if it means I go to jail, righting my wrongs will be worth it.
For Asher.
Seven
Heaven
I’m not even mad, I’m fucking devastated. I’ve never been so damn broken in my entire life. Never in a million years did I think for one second that Heather knew I didn’t do that to her sister. She knew. She fucking knew all this time that I was innocent, even when she testified. She ruined me, deliberately.
How the hell do I come back from this?
I plop down on the beach and sink my ass into the sand. I drop the six-pack of beer beside me and lean my elbows on my knees and take in the view. I’ve never felt so low. I’m a happy fucking guy, I know that. I know I wear my emotions on my sleeve and sometimes I break. I’m not one of those guys who is afraid to cry or laugh. I’ve always been like that. I don’t think it’s healthy to hold emotion inside.
It usually makes me be the butt of every joke, but it is what it is.
So now, I’m processing what she just said, and the immensity of it is making me feel hopeless for the first time. I love hope. It’s fucking beautiful. Having that small amount of hope flickering inside always has the good overturning the bad and isn’t that what life is all about?
I thought so.
But right now, my hope is dead.
Snagging a beer from the holder, I twist off the cap and throw it in the box, then take a long drag until half the bottle is empty.
All I can think about is Heather and what she said. God, that truth hurt. I don’t know if I can ever get over it. How do I forgive someone that did this to me? Who’s to say if she told the truth, that I still wouldn’t have gone to jail? Stewing on this isn’t good, not for a long period of time, but right now, I’m going to fucking stew.
I down the rest of my beer and open another.
“Been looking for you,” Owen states from behind me.
“Well, you found me,” I sass, another thing I don’t do. Maybe Heather isn’t as good for me as I thought because she’s bringing out the worst in me.