‘Whatever you want, it’s fine. We’ll just chill,’ he says accepting defeat – for now at least, she thinks. He unzips his overnight case and takes out his shirt, flapping out the creases before putting it on a hanger. Then he takes his toilet bag into the shower room and closes the door behind him.
Amber waits until she hears the shower going, then sits up and makes a call on her phone.
‘Hi,’ says Seth. ‘Where are you?’
‘In the hotel room,’ she whispers. ‘He’s taking a shower – I haven’t got long.’
‘How’s it going?’
‘Really badly. I don’t think I can do this.’
‘Yes you can. Try to relax. Enjoy the break.’
‘But it feels so false. All this lying and pretending, I hate it, it’s sending me mad.’
‘I’m so sorry, darling. I wish I could help.’
‘You do help. All the time. If I couldn’t speak to you, I don’t know what I’d do.’ The sound of the shower stops and she glances anxiously at the door. ‘He got cross with me for texting Ruby, tried to take my phone off me. I was terrified he’d find our texts.’
‘You should delete them.’
‘I know, but sometimes I forget … Oh, this is awful. He’s being so sweet and understanding, you wouldn’t believe it. I know it’s only because he wants sex, but it makes me feel so guilty.’
There’s a short pause. ‘Surely he’ll respect you if you say no.’
‘Yes, of course, he won’t force me … it’s not that.’
‘What is it, then?’
The door of the en suite opens and George emerges, naked but for a towel around his waist. Amber quickly switches tone. ‘Yeah, thanks for calling. Sorry, got to go now. Stay in touch.’ She puts down the phone, turns to her husband and heaves a theatrical sigh. ‘Huh! So much for my nap – couldn’t get rid of her.’
‘Who was it?’ he asks, removing the towel and drying himself all over.
‘Oh, just Polly. Wanting to know why I haven’t been to any mums’ meet-ups recently.’
He stands naked before her, his skin glistening, smelling of expensive products. She senses a tingling deep within her, in a place she can’t reach, a feeling so unfamiliar she no longer recognises it as desire.
‘And?’ he says.
‘And what?’
‘Why haven’t you been? To the meet-ups.’
Amber feels her cheeks turning pink. ‘It’s boring,’ she says as he approaches. ‘All they ever talk about is babies.’
‘Even so … better than being on your own all day.’
‘I guess.’ She brightens her face. ‘Shall we go downstairs and have afternoon tea? I suppose I could manage a little bit of cake.’
Chapter Six
The weekend before
Ruby is worn out, even though she’s only been looking after Mabel for seven hours and the little darling was asleep for two of them. They’ve done tummy time (which Mabel hated) and sitting-up practice. They’ve lain on their backs on the play mat and fully explored the Sea World Activity Gym – rattling the octopus’s tentacles, squeezing the squeaky puffer fish and tinkling the tails of the seahorses. She’s sung ‘Baa Baa Black Sheep’ – altering ‘little boy’ to ‘little girl’ for the sake of gender equality – a million times over and made up scurrilous new verses to ‘Wheels on the Bus’. She’s pulled funny faces and made silly noises until her head aches, and yet still Mabel seems dissatisfied. She wants more attention, more giggles, more entertainment, more FUN. When Ruby puts her in her bouncing chair while she opens a much-needed bottle of beer, Mabel snarls and kicks her fat little legs in protest.
‘Jesus, kid, give me a break.’ She leans against the kitchen counter as she swigs back the cool lager. Is this what it’s like all the time? If so, no wonder Amber’s at breaking point. Feeling sympathetic towards her sister – rather than slightly envious – is an unfamiliar sensation.
The six-year age gap between them has always made it difficult for them to connect. Growing up, they were at very different – and sometimes incompatible – stages of their lives. To begin with, Amber was keen to mother baby Ruby, but eventually grew tired of that game and wished she could go back to being an only child. In contrast, Ruby adored her big sister. She followed her around like a faithful puppy, copying her every move, trying to be part of the gang. Amber and her mates soon realised that a little squirt like Ruby could have her uses. She hunted for lost balls, brought cans from the fridge, raided the biscuit tin and ran whatever other errands they could think of. Whenever she got in trouble for losing or breaking things – which was often – Amber never spoke up for her and always took their mother’s side in arguments.
Ruby strokes Mabel’s wispy auburn curls and thinks back to when Amber started going out with Gorgeous George, as he was known. Half the sixth form had a crush on him, girls and boys. He was a sports jock: captain of the football and cricket teams, county-level javelin thrower, the fastest swimmer in the school. He was the brawn and Amber the brains. They became the school power couple – attractive, bright, destined for glittering success.
George always came round to their house after school. Mum worked late, so between four o’clock and seven, Amber was in charge. She resented having to babysit so felt it only fair that Ruby slaved for her and George in return. She commandeered the lounge, switching off Ruby’s favourite TV programmes so she and George could play video games. Ruby was made to bring them drinks and snacks before being banished to her room, leaving them to snog and grope on the sofa.
When they left school, Amber with a clutch of A grades and George with more modest results, their relationship grew deeper and stronger, despite them going to different universities a hundred miles away from each other. Amber studied English while George did sports science. They spent all their free time together. Amber hardly ever came home in the holidays and the connection between the sisters, fragile as it was, fractured completely. She wasn’t around to support Ruby through boyfriend crises, exam stress or various struggles with identity and self-confidence, though by then Ruby had long given up expecting it.
It was only in the last few years – finding themselves living a few miles apart by accident – that they’d really got to know each other. They had entirely different personalities but discovered they had more in common than they realised – dealing with the same difficult mother being one of them. Ruby was thrilled when she learned she was going to be an auntie. They went shopping together for baby clothes and nursery furniture.
But after Mabel’s birth, the dynamic between them changed yet again. Now, for the first time in their sisterly history, Ruby is in control and Amber is the weak and needy one.
‘What went wrong, Mabel?’ Ruby asks, pulling the child onto her lap. ‘Are you going to tell me, or am I going to have find out all by myself?’
It’s half-six, not even dawn, when Ruby wakes, dragged out of a rather delicious dream by a noise she can’t place. A kind of high-pitched wailing. A fox, perhaps, or a seagull? It sounds animal-like. Nor can she immediately work out where she is. She rubs her eyes and her lids slowly unstick. Lifting her head, she looks blearily around her. Oh yes … of course. She’s at Amber’s flat, sleeping in the marital bed on the top floor. Babysitting while Amber and George—