6
The tiny square of paper was burning a hole in the back pocket of Kate’s jeans. On it was Ryan’s mobile number. She hadn’t stopped thinking about the chance meeting all night, and although it was mid-morning in the café and building up to the busiest time of day, Kate was finding it really hard to concentrate. There was something about the conversation with Ryan yesterday that she just couldn’t shake. She felt certain that Ryan had hinted that he had something to tell her but no matter how many times she replayed the conversation in her head she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She felt sure there was more to it than the fact that he was helping out in his dad’s pub. She knew she would only get the answers she wanted by contacting him, but would that open a huge can of worms that she would rather keep locked away. The debate had continued all night in her head, leaving her feeling exhausted and irritable. As she cleared another table, Jack called over to her.
“Kate, can you keep an eye on the till for a second please?”
“Yeah, sure,” answered Kate as she made her way through the tables.
“You okay?” he asked when Kate reached the front of the café.
“Yeah, fine thanks.” She emptied the tray she was carrying and placed it in the kitchen. Jack followed her.
“You sure cos you seem to be lost in a world of your own?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, honestly Jack,” she replied, touching Jack’s forearm. “Don’t worry.”
“Well I do, and I think you should take the rest of the day off and sort your head out.”
“But it’s almost lunchtime,” said Kate in disbelief.
“Aye, and you’re no good to me or Gill when you’re lost in your own world. Even the regulars have started to notice.”
“Aye, that’s right,” Gill chipped in. Neither of them meant any offence and only spoke out of concern.
“So go make yourself a cuppa and take as much time as you need to get your head straight, and maybe have a wee nap, you look exhausted.” As Jack said this, he directed Kate towards the door that led to her flat upstairs. She went along willingly and could hear Gill chuckling away in the background. Raising both hands in mock surrender, she let herself be guided. “Ok, OK, I can take the hint but shout me the minute it starts to get busy.”
Grateful for the break, Kate climbed the steep stairs to the flat and flopped down onto the overstuffed three-seater sofa. She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and removed the incendiary note, staring at the number. She twisted the piece of paper around in her fingers trying to figure out what to do. The internal monologue that had been running all night started up again. She pushed her hands through her hair and let out a moan of exasperation.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” she asked the empty room. She stood and started pacing back and forth across the living room. Part of her wanted to ring him and tell him where to go, but she couldn’t deny that she was intrigued. Was it true that he was here to help out in his dad’s pub? If it was true then she knew she would have to stay away from him. She couldn’t afford to invest emotionally in a relationship with him; it would leave her vulnerable and she wasn’t prepared to go down that road again. But what if his reason for being here wasn’t so innocent? What could he do that would cause harm?
‘Oh, so much,’ she thought. Two and half years might have passed by, but she could still remember the day like it had happened yesterday. Just the thought of the decision she had made brought a wave of nausea over her, and she felt her legs go weak. She looked at the number again.
‘I could just text him.’ She immediately dismissed that thought as ridiculous. It might not even be his number.’ Again, she dismissed that thought out of hand. ‘Oh for fuck’s sake, just ring him.’ Decisively she picked up her Nokia and with clammy palms and overactive heartbeat she punched in the number, almost misdialling she was shaking so much. It didn’t even finish its first ring before she heard his voice.
“Kate. How’s you?” Ryan sounded cheerful and positively happy to hear from her. “I’m glad you rang.” He’d only shared his number with two people and one of them was serving time.
She didn’t know what to say now that she’d found the courage to call. Her mouth was suddenly dry, and she had to sit down.
“Kate? You OK?”
She swallowed. “Hi, yes I’m fine.”
“Wasn’t sure if you’d ring to be honest. Thought you might just ignore me.”
“And why would I do that?” asked Kate.
“You seemed shocked, that’s all.”
“Of course I was shocked Ryan, you were the last person I expected to pick up from the side of the road.” Kate could feel her anxiety levels building and was starting to wish she hadn’t bothered to call.
“Ah, come on Kate. Don’t be like that. This could be a chance of a new start for us, you know without any of the crap.”
“I don’t think so Ryan. What is it you really want?”
“Ooo, touchy. Come on, you know we had it good back in the day,” Ryan laughed. The flirting wasn’t working on Kate, and Ryan realised he had his work cut out if he was to win her trust. He changed tack. “Look, I was only joking. I’d really like to meet up, I just want us to be friends whilst I’m here, that’s all. Besides, I’ve heard from Darren.”
Kate sat up straight. “What? You’re in touch with him?”
“Not in touch exactly but you’ll want to hear what he has to say.”
Kate couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Why on earth was Ryan in touch with Darren.
“So, do you want to meet up?”
“Wait a second,” responded Kate, trying to gain some control and recover her composure. She’d be damned before she let Ryan affect her. “I want to know why you’re in touch with Darren.”
“I can’t tell you over the phone. Come on Kate, just a cup of coffee that’s all.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“One cup of coffee plus it would be nice to see you, catch up on old times.”
Kate hesitated. It was the catching up on old times that Kate wanted to avoid. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. “OK, one coffee but it’s today or never. I don’t have much time.”
“Busy lady with your new life, eh?” Ryan teased.
Kate knew better than to rise to the bait.
Ryan carried on regardless. “How about 2pm today then?” If he was offended by Kate’s silence he didn’t let it show.
Kate quickly ran it through in her mind. She had to collect Joe at 3:15pm so she had the perfect excuse to get away after an hour. “Yes that’s fine.”
“Right, I’ll come to the café then,” suggested Ryan.
“No!” said Kate. “I’d prefer somewhere neutral. What about Poolewe? Bridge Café.”
“Yeah, I know the place. See you there at 2pm then. Looking forward to it.”
The call ended and Kate let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She replayed the conversation in her mind and she now had more questions than her brain could handle. Annoyed with herself for not being firmer with him, she cursed out loud and threw her phone across the room.