Becca laughed and nudged her dad with her elbow. ‘I was thinking the same thing myself but didn’t want to say in case it was your choice.’
‘Give over,’ he scoffed. ‘White’s never been my favourite, has it? Not practical if you ask me.’ He scanned the room. ‘We only finished a couple of days ago. Got a few pictures to put up – you know those motivational sayings that Kate likes. And then we’re done.’ He turned to Becca. ‘In fact, while I think about it, I’ve some boxes of your stuff in my bedroom if you want to take them home and have a sort through?’ He turned and walked down the hallway, Becca following. ‘Just stuff from that little desk of yours and a few bits and pieces you’d left in the wardrobe.’
He led her into the large double bedroom at the front of the house, and Becca noticed nothing had changed. Her mother’s embroidered pictures still hung in a group above the bed, her collection of wooden boxes that contained her craft materials sat on the dressing table. Her family of ornamental ducks still swam along the windowsill. There was even a little posy of fresh flowers in a vase on the bedside cabinet on the side where her mother used to sleep.
A lump formed in Becca’s throat and she swallowed it down. It was weird how grief had a habit of hitting you out of nowhere. But seeing her mum’s things brought home to Becca how much she wanted her mother to still be around. She could feel herself being torn apart by her responsibilities, her emotions fighting each other for dominance. Each day her life was slipping further out of control to the point where it was starting to scare her. She sat on the bed, picked up the teddy that her mother had always kept on her pillow and put it to her nose. It smelt of lavender, her mum’s favourite.
‘I still miss her too,’ Frank said with a heavy sigh, sitting next to her. ‘But then, I don’t suppose you ever stop missing people you love.’
Becca sniffed. ‘I’m sorry I’ve not been over more, Dad. But at least you’ve got Kate here for company.’
Frank didn’t reply, just stared into space, one hand rasping over the stubble on his chin. Becca laid her head on his shoulder, and he put an arm round her, pulling her close. They sat like that for a little while until his voice broke the silence. ‘I’m grateful that she’s here,’ he said eventually. ‘But she can be snappy and it’s not always easy when—’
‘Mummy! Dandad! I need a wee.’ Mia’s voice cut into the conversation and Becca jumped up, rushing down the stairs. Mia was only just potty-trained, and the gap between her realising she needed the toilet and being unable to hold it in any longer was a couple of minutes at best. Becca ran into the lounge, swept her daughter into her arms and dashed to the little cloakroom under the stairs just in time.
Mia gazed at her while she sat on the toilet. ‘Are you crying, Mummy?’
Becca smiled and wiped the dampness from her cheeks. ‘No, love. Just having a laugh with Grandad.’ She couldn’t tell her daughter she was sad because Mia was such a sensitive child, it would make her sad too. She didn’t need to feel Becca’s pain, didn’t need to be involved in her emotional storm. And anyway, how could she ever explain?
As she waited for Mia to finish, she wondered what Frank had been about to say. Is there still a problem between him and Kate that the new office hasn’t resolved? She knew they bickered – that was part and parcel of their relationship – but a serious falling out between her dad and Kate was the last thing she needed.
There was no chance to go back to the conversation, ask her father what he meant, as Kate arrived home, full of news about a friend from school who’d just got the most amazing job offer. Then Becca was caught up in helping her make something to eat and the opportunity drifted away. Another time, she promised herself. Because she loved Frank with all her heart, and if he needed her support, then she wanted to be there for him. Like he’d been for her over the years.
She was just about to leave when Kate put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her back into the kitchen while Frank and Mia sorted out which of the Beanie Babies was going to go with her for a sleepover.
‘I just need to ask you a favour,’ Kate whispered, obviously not wanting Frank to hear. ‘But this might sort out your childcare problem as well. I have some business to attend to in London, and with the trains and everything, I’m going to have to stay over. I was thinking Dad could come to you Friday and stay the night. What do you think? Might be a good experiment in relation to childcare, because I think he’d be all right keeping an eye on Mia for a morning if it was at your house, with all her toys and everything. And it would be a change for him. I’m sure he’d love it.’
Becca had never had anyone to stay at their house in the three years they’d lived in Llandudno. It hadn’t been practical in their rental property as they hadn’t a spare room, but now she couldn’t offer that as an excuse. There was plenty of space in their new house, and if Frank stayed over, not only would it save her a lot of driving time, it would mean she wouldn’t have a battle to get Mia in the car.
‘You’ll have to invite him,’ Kate continued. ‘Otherwise he’ll think I’m shipping him off, trying to get rid of him.’ She sighed. ‘He’s so clingy sometimes. Honestly, it’s a job to get any time to myself without a full interrogation about where I’m going and why.’
‘Well, we can give it a try,’ Becca said, hoping Kate didn’t hear the note of panic in her voice. ‘He’ll be doing me a favour and it’ll be lovely having him to stay.’
Having someone to stay was actually her worst nightmare. Another person to look after being one too many for her frazzled state of mind.
It’s Dad, she told herself. He won’t mind the mess. Then another voice piped up in her head, the voice of her real fear. Will he notice the other stuff? Will he know that it’s happening again?
6
Mia was sleepy after her busy day, and Becca took the opportunity to get her to bed before Dean returned, in the hope that they could at last have some time together. She’d just got back downstairs when her phone rang. It was Dean.
‘Hey, sweetheart. I forgot to mention I’m going to meet the committee of the golf club tonight. They’ve invited me to talk about that new competition I’ve been wanting to launch for the local business community.’
Her heart sank. It had been an emotional day, and she’d been looking forward to snuggling up on the sofa with a glass of wine, telling him about Ruth being ill and her dad coming to stay. Once again, she was home alone, nobody to share her news with.
‘Fine,’ she said and ended the call, wanting to throw the phone across the room while a silent scream filled her head.
Connor. His name came out of nowhere, the events of the day having pushed him to the back of her mind.
She tapped and swiped at her screen, opened Twitter and there it was, a message.
Good news or bad? Has he forgiven me?
The not knowing gave her a delicious little thrill, but given the sort of man Connor was, she thought she already knew the answer. She opened the fridge, took out a bottle of wine and poured herself a glass before walking into the lounge and getting herself settled on the sofa. The place where she always sat – curled up like a cat, feet underneath her, body tucked into the corner.