Alison’s was busy and loud, full of young men with impressive beards, and cool women drinking craft beer. Eden and I had managed to find a table at the back and were on our third drink of the evening – or was it the fourth? The beer had been going down too easily and I didn’t realise how tipsy I was until I stood up and went to the bathroom.
‘Have you seen our stalker again?’ Eden asked with a smirk.
‘No, I haven’t. But it’s probably just some guy who lives or works locally. Maybe someone who likes the house.’
‘Or a fan of Ruth’s.’
‘Oh God, don’t say that. And definitely don’t say it to her. She’d freak out.’
Eden had been fiddling with her phone, which she now slipped into the bag that hung on the back of her chair. ‘She’s going to have to get used to it, though, when she becomes super-famous. Stalkers and superfans. All the big stars have them. You’ll end up living in some mansion in Beverly Hills, hiding behind high walls and security cameras.’
‘The dream.’
She laughed. ‘It must be weird, though. Dating someone who’s on the verge of becoming famous. I’d be sick with worry, wondering what it was going to do to our relationship.’
It was as if Eden had poked me right in my most sensitive spot.
‘The loser I told you about, back in LA. That was one of the reasons why we broke up. He’s in a band. Did I tell you that? They were going nowhere until one of their songs got featured on a Netflix show and suddenly I was in the way.’
‘Ruth’s not like that.’
‘Oh yeah, I know. She’s not a dude. But also you’re going to be famous too, right? A big writer.’
I almost didn’t respond. But I’d had four beers. And I had been longing for someone to talk to about this. I couldn’t hold back.
‘I’m not going to be a big writer.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘But it’s true. And you’re right.’ I took a long swig of my drink. ‘We used to be equals. We were going to take on the world together. I was going to write the plays and the movies and she was going to star in them. Then she got that role in The Immaculate. I thought it was just going to be a crappy low-budget horror flick, but it turned out to be brilliant. And now everyone wants her. That meeting I had on Monday? He only wanted to see me as a way to get to Ruth.’
‘What? That sucks.’
‘Yeah, it sucks.’
‘People are such assholes. I bet you’re just as talented as Ruth. Just as deserving of success.’
‘I’m not.’ I experienced a rush of emotion, mainly self-pity. I couldn’t help it, not with the way Eden was looking at me, her eyes liquid and full of sympathy. She reached across the table and squeezed my hand and I confessed. ‘I’m scared. Scared that she’s going to leave me behind, that she won’t want me anymore. I’m happy for her, thrilled for her, of course I am. She deserves everything that’s coming her way. But there’s a part of me that . . . I wish it could be the way it was. Just me and her, on our own, against the world.’
‘Losers together.’
‘Ha! Yeah, two losers together.’ I shook my head. ‘God, when you put it like that, of course it’s not what I want. I love her. I think she still loves me. And I don’t want to do anything to stop her being successful. I don’t want to stand in her way. But this fear . . . I can’t help it.’
There was a long silence.
‘I hate myself for feeling like this,’ I said.
‘Don’t. It’s totally natural. But listen, Adam. You don’t need to worry. I’ve seen the way Ruth looks at you. She’s not going to leave you behind. She’s going to take you along for the ride.’
‘I hope so.’
‘I know so.’
She patted my hand and I sniffed, realising that I believed it. I felt better. Did it matter if my writing career didn’t take off? I didn’t even enjoy it that much anyway; not anymore. I’d find something else to do. Something I was really good at.
‘Thanks, Eden.’
‘You’re welcome.’ She smiled and I felt a rush of warmth towards her. I was so glad she’d turned up on our doorstep.
I went to the bar and bought more drinks. Eden went to the bathroom. When she got back I said, ‘I feel like I’ve been a real idiot, worrying so much. It’s stupid. I’m not the one with abandonment issues.’
‘What do you mean?’
It had come out too bluntly. Something else I could blame on the beer. ‘I mean . . . Ruth never had a family when she was growing up. Not a proper one.’ I wouldn’t normally talk about Ruth’s private life, her upbringing, but much of it was in the public domain, and Ruth had talked about it with Jack and Mona on the cruise. She was open about her childhood. And Eden was a friend now. ‘Ruth’s mum gave her up when she was a toddler. She never knew who her dad was.’
‘Gave her up? You mean she grew up in care?’
‘Yeah. A children’s home. She was in and out of foster care for years.’
‘That must have been rough.’
Eden stared into the middle distance and I wondered if she had a similar story herself, and if she would share it with me. I waited. But she didn’t say anything. After a minute, we changed the subject.
We finished our drinks and I said, ‘We’d better get going. I can’t drink another drop.’
‘Me either. But it’s been nice, Adam.’ Her eyes were glazed and I guessed I looked similar. ‘Come on, let’s take a photo.’
She picked up my phone from the table and gestured for me to get up. I obliged, taking the phone from her and inputting the code to unlock it. I stood beside her, bending forward with an arm around her shoulders.
‘Say cheese,’ she said, and together we smiled into the camera.
Chapter 6
‘Fancy going out and doing something?’ I asked.
It was Friday morning. Eden was lying on the couch in the living room, reading.
‘Like what?’ she asked, eyes still on the page. Again, she reminded me of a cat, stretched out and immobile, seemingly happy to lie around for hours doing nothing.
‘I don’t know. We could go to the park? Hey, why don’t we go for a swim?’
She put her book down and sat up. ‘I really don’t know if I’ve got the energy, Adam. I had a late night.’
‘Talking to Ruth?’ I had heard them when I was in bed, chatting while I drifted off. ‘What was it about?’
Eden laughed. ‘Nosy, aren’t you?’
‘All right. Sorry.’ I paused. ‘Come on, let’s go for a swim. It’ll be fun. Do you have a bathing suit with you?’
‘Yeah, I do.’ She hesitated then rolled her eyes. ‘Okay, okay. Just to get you off my back.’
‘Great.’ I grinned.
Fifteen minutes later, after finding my trunks and checking the pool rules on Google, Eden and I were walking up Bedford Avenue. I popped into a store to buy a gym padlock, and came out to find Eden frowning at her phone.
‘I haven’t been swimming in ages,’ I said. ‘I bet in LA you were always—’