Encouraged by the adult laughter, Alfie continued to tickle Granny’s legs under the table and I looked at Dan, who told him, ‘Enough,’ and gathered him up onto his knee.
‘He’s definitely tired,’ Joy warned, and not wanting to spoil the bonhomie, I agreed with her.
‘Bedtime,’ I said, and she smiled, a hint of triumph in the curl of her pearlised lip. But for me, nothing could cast a shadow on the evening. The air was warm and filled with promise, and when I looked into Dan’s eyes across the table, as he cuddled Alfie on his knee, I felt blessed.
Later, after putting the children to bed, Dan and I retired to our own big double room, and I flopped down, lying like a starfish. It was perfect: a huge bed, right in the middle of the room, clothed in thick, cool white cotton, floaty white curtains at a picture window that looked out onto the garden and, beyond, to the coast in the distance.
Dan turned out the light, opened the curtains fully, and joined me on the bed, where we lay in the warm, silent darkness looking out at the stars. ‘I know it’s not been an easy time for you recently,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m sorry.’
He took me in his arms and we made love like two strangers, like we were starting out all over again. And, in a way, we were. This was going to be a good holiday, the intense heat was thawing my bones, mending my heart – and later, as I lay in his arms, I had this wonderful feeling that we were going to be okay. I hadn’t had that feeling for a very long time.
* * *
Jamie didn’t arrive the following day; he didn’t arrive the day after. He turned up a day, and several hours, late, on the Wednesday. No one was surprised. Even Joy admitted ‘My Jamie’s always late,’ with a shake of the head and an indulgent smile. Apparently Jamie had texted Joy to say he’d be there in the morning, and Joy had been like a cat on hot bricks popping out to the front of the villa to see if she could see him. But it was after lunch when he finally arrived.
Joy and I were clearing up in the kitchen. It was small and cosy and the external door led out onto the patio, so it was perfect to serve from when we were eating al fresco – which we always did on holiday. It was only our third day in Italy, but I knew from previous holiday experience how the routine would go.
‘It’s almost twelve,’ Joy would say to me, wherever we were. She didn’t have to utter another word, my response was Pavlovian and I was immediately ready for the delicious ritual of preparing lunch. We would basically empty the fridge of cured meats, cheeses and salads and put them all in the baskets and crockery we found in the cupboards – it was like a treasure hunt. As Joy said, ‘Lunchtime is less about cooking and more about compilation.’ Then we’d call our ‘staff’ – the children – to help us take the food onto the terrace, where we’d eat at the wooden table set under a thicket of shady vine leaves. It was the same with all our holidays, and I realise now I took great comfort in the security of this routine, like it would always be like this, that it would go on and on forever. And when you’re nine years old and the police knock on your door to say your father isn’t coming home again – you don’t take forever for granted. Our lives were changed in an instant, we weren’t a family any more, we were me and my mum and as an only child, I had to mop up my mother’s grief. She couldn’t let it go, and I spent the next ten years caring for her, until she died from cancer… at least that’s what they said, but I knew once your heart had broken you could never really fix it.
* * *
I was putting the leftover cheese into the fridge (and enjoying the chill) when I heard a car pull up on the gravel outside. I knew it was him. Jamie.
I pushed the platter firmly into the fridge and, removing myself from the delicious coolness, peeped through the window. ‘A taxi,’ I said. ‘It’s a taxi, Joy…’
She almost dropped the bowl she was holding in her rush to look out of the window, her face flushed with heat and pleasure, her eyes darting around the drive to get the first glimpse of him as he arrived.
Within seconds, the passenger door of the taxi opened and he climbed out – tall, slim, like Dan, but not like Dan. His hair was lighter, his smile quicker, handsome, but in a different way. The second son, the one who didn’t have to carry the weight of the family on his shoulders, who took risks, thumbed lifts and had never paid a household bill in his life.
‘Jamie,’ Joy sighed, ripping off her ‘Queen of the Kitchen’ apron – a birthday gift from the kids – and throwing it on the kitchen worktop, before scuttling off.
I stood watching at the window as he paid the taxi driver then went to the back of the car to get his luggage.
Joy was outside now. I heard her calling for Bob and didn’t have to wait long to see him ambling through the garden towards Jamie’s taxi. Joy was rushing past Bob, almost colliding with him in her eagerness to get there first. And when she did, she hurled herself at Jamie and, as slight as she was, almost knocked him down in her excitement.
After taking a few seconds to recover, he laughed and lifted her in the air while she screamed like a teenage girl for him to put her down. I was smiling at this scene – it was good to see him. We were already having a lovely time, the last few days had gone perfectly, spent laughing, eating and playing with the children, and we were all beginning to relax – but Jamie always brought that extra special something. As I watched him hug Bob, my eyes were suddenly drawn to the back seat passenger-side door. It was slowly opening, and after a few seconds, one, then two, long, tanned legs appeared in high-heeled designer sandals. And then the rest of her stepped out onto the powdery white, hot gravel. Another beautiful twenty-something Jamie had collected on his travels, slim, stunning, deep golden hair, even deeper tan, anointed with that faraway glamour you couldn’t buy at a make-up counter. Cool as a cucumber, she stood a few feet away from Jamie and his mother. Joy, still unaware of the extra guest, was immersed in Jamie, giggling and hugging.
Another of Jamie’s girlfriends? He sometimes brought them along on these family get-togethers. They were usually nice enough, but, as Joy always said, it wasn’t the same as having him to ourselves on holiday.
I watched as he gestured for the girl to come closer, and the introductions began. Joy as always was warm and effusive, though I reckoned she would have preferred Jamie there by himself. ‘I’ve never particularly liked any of Jamie’s girlfriends,’ she once told me, ‘but none of them have ever guessed. I’m always nice to them, for Jamie – and let’s face it, we know they are only ever fleeting,’ she’d giggled. This latest one was wearing a white maxi dress, which set off her deep tan perfectly. I looked down for a moment at my own pale, freckly arms and wished I’d bought some fake tan. Finding it hard not to watch, I looked back through the window. She was smiling serenely, perfect features, perfect figure, and I noted that long honey-coloured hair had been caught by the sun, or a good hairdresser. She was probably in her twenties, and even though I couldn’t see her that closely, it was clear that, unlike me, this woman had definitely de-fuzzed.
Now Dan and the kids had joined the welcoming throng, and suddenly aware that I was the only family member not present, I knew I should go out there and say hello, be part of the welcoming committee. So I smoothed my pool-straggled hair and grabbed a kitchen towel to wipe the sweat from my face, wishing Jamie had at least mentioned he wasn’t coming alone, so I could have been prepared and looked a little less wild.