Then the order of events came rushing toward her like an oncoming train. Because she had been too distracted by Deeba wanting to become a child again, by the love of her life leaving her alone in this miserable paradise.
She fingered the gum packet. Only ten pieces left.
But then Trina smiled, even though her knee hurt like hell. Because suddenly, she didn’t feel like hiding at The Shtetl forever or throwing herself into the sea.
“Barkeep!” Trina called as she walked back inside. “I need one more drink while I formulate my secret plan.” All she had so far was (1) Find the boy, and (2) Punch Horizon Line’s pretty stolen face instead of a wall. The rest of the details she would work out later. Right now, Trina needed another cocktail, and maybe to rest her eyes for a bit.
9.
Trina blinked her eyes open, her head slumped in her arms on top of the bar. Her drink was half-full and warm in front of her. She drank it gratefully. Trina took out the pamphlet she had gotten from Blane. Its title had changed again. Now it read:
so, you’re thinking of going on a vengeful quest . . .
Trina snorted. “Oh my,” she said. “Well, aren’t you clever.” She flipped open the booklet. It seemed thicker than before. She patted her pockets for the second pamphlet, the one she had to return to the boy. It wasn’t in any of them. Had she dropped it?
so, you’re thinking of going on a vengeful quest! we applaud your passion and your conviction, and we recognize that you have a lot to be hurt and angry about. you have every right to feel all kinds of emotions! what an amazing part of being a human being.
Trina snorted. “Gee, thanks.”
but consider your end goal here. hurting someone who’s hurt you will only create more hurt. how can we help you feel better in a more productive fashion?
Trina gritted her teeth. “You have the emotional intelligence of a motivational poster,” she said.
that hurts our feelings!
“You don’t have feelings,” said Trina.
The pamphlet’s words melted together into a big frowny face. Trina shoved it into her jacket pocket.
Trina sat at the bar stool with her medicine bag in her lap. Deeba used to call it her “Mary Poppins bag,” as it always seemed to contain whatever they needed.
The bag wasn’t all that magical. True, there was a bit of Seep tech sewn into its design, so Trina’s hand quickly grabbed whatever it was looking for, and no matter how many objects she accumulated, it remained light and portable. But along with actual medical supplies, Trina had carried things for her wife, like packets of nuts for when Deeba felt peckish or little gloves for her often cold hands, so to her wife it had seemed like a magic bag.
These objects were useless now. Trina wasn’t about to eat any five-year-old cashews or wrestle her big hands into fuzzy little gloves, but she couldn’t bear to throw them away, to see them get sucked back into the ground, bound to endlessly cycle through other uses in unknown places. Trina reached into the medicine bag past the trinkets from her previous life, past the small jars of salves and creams, past packets of biodegradable gloves, bandages and rubbing alcohol, to feel the cold, hard gun at the very bottom. The bag did not offer the gun up to her, as it did with the other objects it held. But the gun felt good, and the searching for it felt good, too. She was going on a goddamn quest! She hadn’t been on a quest in ages. It was a good thing she was wearing boots.
A feeling bloomed inside of Trina’s chest. She wasn’t just going to stick it to Horizon Line, that no-good Seep artist. She was going to save that poor Compound kid. He was so lost, so clueless. He needed her and he didn’t even know it. Sometimes, you have to show people that they need help before it’s too late. YD came back in, holding a toe in a little glass jar.
Trina cleared her throat. “YD, are you decomposing again?”
“Not as bad as all that.” YD batted her eyes innocently. “I just need my toe reattached.”
Trina sat YD down and started massaging her swollen ankles. “You have to let me do a bigger healing job on you, old girl.”
“Sure, sure, one of these days.” YD’s tone was light. “Mamelah, I was strolling through the Mission today and I thought I might stop by for a cup of tea . . .”
“You were checking up on me?” Trina groaned.
“You hadn’t been around for a while! I thought maybe something was wrong. And then I saw the blue sign.” YD hissed as Trina reattached the toe. “Ooh, that stings!” She flexed her newly attached toes and smiled. “Thanks, friend.”
Trina rubbed the resinous tip of her Seep wand into the broken flesh of her own knee. Already her cells were knitting back together, just like how the plant life had repaired itself on the road after that herd of deer and unicycles. The Seep wants nothing more than to kiss our boo-boos away, Trina thought derisively. She could feel the lightest sensation of its alien presence in her bloodstream. She really should stop drinking so much. She knew she was destroying her liver, not to mention wreaking havoc on her circulatory system. And her sleep cycle was so out of whack, she never felt fully rested . . .
Then she scowled and clutched her drink defiantly. Who was to say what was best for anyone else? She swallowed hard. The warm cocktail now tasted like poison, but she’d push through. She’d done it before, and she’d do it again. Trina drank more, and this time she was able to find a little bit of pleasure in that old familiar place. Deeba had hated the rare occasions when Trina overindulged in liquor. She’d be so shocked to see her now. Trina took yet another sip. This gave her a new kind of pleasure, a sense of power. She was becoming a different person, unrecognizable as the one Deeba had left behind. Serves her right.
YD sighed. She took Trina’s face in her wrinkled hands. “I love you, kiddo. It breaks my heart to see you languishing like this. What can I do? Tell me.”
Pina came up behind them and made her friendliest growl.
YD put her arms around them both. “That’s right. Pina, too! How can we help?”
Trina shrugged. The world was starting to get blurry again. Stupid Deeba. Leaving her to become an alcoholic. It was her fault, really. Trina couldn’t be blamed for it. “You can make me another drink.”
Pina sucked in through her long teeth. “We love you, and you spit on our love.”
Trina put a hand on Pina’s and YD’s shoulders. “Geez, okay. Listen, YD, can I stay here tonight? Then I’m going to go away, for maybe a day or two, maybe a little longer. There’s something I have to do. But when I come back, I’ll deal with my shit. I promise. I just need to do this one thing. Then everything will be better, trust me.” Trina smiled. She almost believed it herself.