That’s why Rob is their current favorite for becoming partner. No maternity leave, and no paternity leave for that broseph either. He’s only been married for two years, and even though they have no children, his wife still stays home. “She’s an amazing girl,” he says reverently. Also, he’s screwing the mournful receptionist on the side. I wonder if she sounds sad when she comes.
Just kidding. I’m sure he never bothers to get her off.
When we arrive at the restaurant, I grab the door and hold it open for Rob. “After you,” I offer cheerfully.
“Why, thank you, sir,” he responds.
“Would you get a table? I need to run to the restroom.” I leave him behind, no doubt horrified at my menstrual needs, and I saunter to the bathroom to reapply my favorite red lipstick and make kissy faces at myself in the mirror. When I emerge, I head straight for the nearly empty bar.
“One white wine spritzer, please. And a double of High West Bourye on the rocks.”
The bartender looks gray and tired despite the fact that he’s only about forty. If I had to guess, I’d say he has a little pill problem and he’d rather be anywhere but here on a Thursday afternoon. He doesn’t even raise an eyebrow at my twenty-five-dollar order of whiskey; he just pours it out and slides it over, along with my spritzer. “Put a couple of cherries in the spritzer,” I suggest, which finally prompts a reaction, a disgusted wince as he drops two cherries into my glass. He throws in an orange slice too, so I add an extra dollar to the tip. My drink is practically health food now.
“Cheers!” I exclaim as I slide into the booth Rob has chosen at the front window.
“Whoa.” His mouth crooks down a little when he sees the drinks in my hands, but I push his toward him and pretend not to notice.
“The High West,” I drawl, and the downturn of his mouth changes into a smile.
“Wow, that’s quite a treat!”
“I remembered that you like it.”
Rob has never looked at me as a sexual conquest before. I’m assertive and nearly plain, and as far as I can tell, he likes his girls superhot and pliable. But my admission that I’ve paid attention to his wants and needs softens his face a little. His eyelids dip in a lazy blink. “Thank you very much, Jane. I didn’t expect this.”
I clink my ostentatiously girly drink against his glass and we each take a sip. I hum with pleasure as the bubbles touch my tongue. Wine spritzers are fucking delicious, and I have no idea why they ever fell out of fashion. I fish a cherry out of the glass and beam. “Let’s order. I’m starving!”
We place our orders with a cheerful young man with an Ethiopian accent, and when the bread arrives, I’m ecstatic. “Another round!” I insist, gesturing at our drinks.
“That’s a terrible idea,” Rob protests, but when his twenty-five-dollar drink arrives, he can’t just let it sit there, can he? Eyes slightly wide, he gamely finishes the last sip from his first tumbler and moves it toward the edge of the table.
“This is really nice,” I say.
He cocks his head as if he’s trying to puzzle something out. “Yeah, it is nice, isn’t it?” Do I want to get in his pants? Have I wanted that all along and that’s why I’ve been so prickly and difficult? I can see him reasoning it out and relaxing into the explanation. It’s really the only thing that makes sense, after all. He’s Rob. Everyone loves Rob, and a plain Jane like me must be more susceptible to his charms than most would be.
Cheeks flushed, he lounges back into the high cushions of the leather booth, a knowing smile on his face as the waiter delivers our meals. Rob has ordered a sensible lunch of baked sole and steamed veggies. I ordered the dinner portion of lobster ravioli, and it’s even bigger than I remember.
“Oh God,” I sigh as I take my first bite. “That’s so good.” I groan as the taste sinks in.
Rob chuckles. “Looks like it’s very exciting.”
“Oh, it is. Have you ever had this?”
He shakes his head, and I lean into the table in excitement. “You have to taste it. It’s better than sex.” I cut a ravioli in half—no way am I losing a whole ravioli to Rob—and spear it. As I hold it toward his mouth, I imitate what I’ve seen other people do, parting my lips and darting out my tongue as if I’m reaching for a bite too.
He doesn’t really care about sex with me. I’m not his type. But he understands this interaction. I can see his confidence grow as he chews, his eyes warming with the knowledge that he can finally get me in line. He grins and nods. He is in his element and he’s no longer thinking that he really shouldn’t have this much whiskey at a pre-meeting lunch.
“Isn’t it amazing?” I whisper.
“It’s very, very nice,” he concedes, smiling indulgently as he chews. “I like it.”
“Me too.” I leave the rest of my spritzer until half my dish is gone, but Rob is tipsy enough that he’s forgetting how to pace himself, and the man hasn’t ordered nearly enough fat and calories.
By the time I order one last round of drinks for dessert, he’s drunk and he’s lost all sight of vulnerability and any hint of wisdom. Why shouldn’t he have another drink? He’s a goddamn successful lawyer on his way to making partner, and he’s a man, damn it. A big man with a wife at home and a piece on the side, and one more ballbuster making eyes at him over lunch too. He’s a king among men, and he’s never lost at anything.
He accepts the final drink and raises it high. “To another great deal.”
“Thank you,” I respond, taking full credit. I deserve it.
Rob is a showboat, and he reflects the light of better lawyers off his shiny facade, recycling their knowledge and taking all the praise. The first few times we worked together, I kept my mouth shut, because I was still learning the delicate intricacies that make up the web of politics in this office. But I know them now. It will take me a couple of years to even be considered for partner, but they won’t notice me at all with Rob glinting into their eyes all the damn time.
“I’ve got this,” I say when the bill comes. I’ve spent almost eighty bucks on whiskey this afternoon and I don’t regret one penny. “I owe you for everything you’ve taught me this year, Robert. What a ride it’s been.”
“Anything you need, Jane,” he drawls with a wink. “Your work is really coming along.”
I worked on the legal team of an international conglomerate in Kuala Lumpur for five years. Rob worked for a furniture manufacturing group in St. Paul before he started here. He can kiss my ass and thank me for the privilege as far as I’m concerned.
“I’ve got those final numbers you asked for on the North Unlimited proposal,” I say, reminding him of the meeting we’re heading into.
“Good. Good job. I’ll stop by and grab them when we get back.”
“Yeah. That’ll give you half an hour to learn what I know so you can steal the show.”
His flushed face crumples for a brief moment. “What?”
I giggle as if I’ve just made a silly joke. “I get so nervous before these big client meetings.”
His lizard brain prompts a slow blink, sensing the danger of what I said a moment ago, but his ego wins out and he grins at my tipsy giggling. I dare to reach out and touch his hand as if I’m feeling naughty after the spritzers.