‘Are you okay?’ I ask. ‘I can move if you want to be left alone.’
‘Give us a drag then.’ Rich holds out his hand, avoiding the question. I don’t think I’ve seen him smoke since we were teenagers.
He closes his eyes as he inhales. I let him have two long puffs then take it back.
‘All right, Johnny Depp, you can have your own if you’re that desperate.’
I rattle the packet at him but he shakes his head. I put the cigarette back in my mouth. Ed’s never smoked in his life. He’d kill me if he saw me standing here, puffing away.
‘That speech was a bit of a bolt from the blue, wasn’t it?’ Rich kicks his heel against the wall of the house and the stones under his feet scatter. ‘Were you okay with it?’
‘I was a little surprised.’ I measure my words out. While I’m dying to unburden my doubts to someone, I learned my lesson about where Rich’s loyalties lie years ago. ‘Did you know?’
As soon as I ask the question, I want to kick myself. He’s her husband. Of course he knew.
‘I worry she’s taking on too much.’ It’s as though he hasn’t heard me.
‘You mean going back? Tilly is at nursery pretty much full-time now.’
‘It’s not only that.’ He pauses. ‘Tilly will be starting school in September. That’s going to be a huge transition. For all of us. With everything going on, I thought we’d agreed she’d wait a couple of years.’
‘Maybe the offer was too good to turn down?’
‘Maybe. But they’ve been asking for years. They’d have kept asking.’
‘So why’s she gone back now?’
‘I don’t know. I think she’s got this crazy idea we need more money.’
He scrunches up his face and rubs his forehead. The gesture tugs on my heartstrings. With his dark hair flopping over his face, he looks like he did when we were teenagers. Being outside with him – alone – makes me think of that night. But what I missed out on, what was taken from me, isn’t what I should be thinking about now.
I look across the garden and anchor myself firmly in the present. ‘Really?’
By London standards, Izzy’s garden is huge – a large wedge of grass begins where the patio ends and the whole thing is edged by flowerbeds on both sides – as is the house that looms over it. It might not be as big as the mansion in Dulwich Village that her parents live in, but with a house like this, Izzy certainly doesn’t have to worry about money.
‘Maybe it’s an independence thing.’ He shrugs. ‘I’ve got my job and the writing. Perhaps she wants to have something of her own too. I thought the running was enough but… whatever makes her happy, I guess. And I want her to prioritize her family. I’m just worried she’ll take too much on and stress herself out.’
‘Don’t worry about Izzy,’ I nudge my shoulder against his. I’m so close I can smell the musk of aftershave on his skin. I force myself to step back. Literally and metaphorically. ‘She can handle this. She always lands on her feet.’
‘Thanks, Bec.’
‘Oi oi, what do we have here?’ The gravel crunches as Rob, my brother, stomps around the side of the house. I flick the butt into the bushes.
‘Robbo.’ Rich reaches forward to shake Rob’s hand.
‘Good to see you, Richie. And the blushing bride.’ He shakes his head at me. ‘Smoking like a chimney. You’re all class.’
‘Shut up.’ I hug him. Rob’s been funny about smoking ever since Mum’s cancer. He doesn’t get that I can have a cigarette at parties without being a smoker. ‘It was only one.’
‘Not interrupting a deep and meaningful, am I?’ Rob looks between us. ‘I can bugger off if I am.’
‘Nah, you’re all right,’ says Rich. ‘I should be getting back inside. Barman duties and all.’
‘If you’re sure.’ Rob takes a swig from the bottle of beer in his hand. ‘I would have thought with your missus going back to work, you could afford to put your feet up.’
‘So you’d think.’ Rich gives me a strained smile. ‘I’ll catch up with you later.’
‘I wasn’t really interrupting anything, was I?’ Rob asks after the flash of the security light confirms Rich has gone inside.
‘Don’t be an idiot. This is my engagement party.’
‘There was a time when you had a bit of a thing for old Richie though.’
‘For about five minutes.’ I make a point of rolling my eyes. ‘Him falling in love with my best friend was kind of a turn off. Can we talk about something else? Like why you’re so late.’
‘I made it in time for the toasts. Sorry, Becster. You know what the life of a top personal trainer is like.’ He’s wearing a tight white top under a smart grey blazer and, when he flexes, his pecs stand to attention.
‘Ugh, your boobs are practically as big as mine.’
‘Bigger,’ Rob laughs. ‘I am sorry I was late, I’ve got a demanding new client. I’m a slave to her rhythm.’
‘Don’t tell me this is another one of your laydeez?’ I make a face. Rob has a stock of demanding client-based stories, all of which seem to involve middle-aged women hitting on him. He’s even had a few altercations with jealous husbands, not that it seems to put him off.
‘This one’s a bit different. She’s a bona-fide A-lister. Referral from a regular client. Already in cracking shape but needs to get ripped for some fantasy movie she’s shooting in London.’
‘No way. Who is it?’
‘If I told ya, I’d have to kill ya.’ His smile is Cheshire cat wide. I can’t remember the last time I saw him look this pleased with himself.
‘Come on. We all know you’re rubbish at keeping secrets.’ It comes out more harshly than intended.
‘What’s eating you? Shouldn’t you be in a good mood?’
‘I am in a good mood. I’m just cold.’ I rub my hands against my upper arms theatrically, noticing I’ve got goosepimples. It didn’t seem that cold when I was talking to Rich.
‘Take this.’ Rob shucks off his jacket. ‘Now tell me what’s actually wrong.’
‘Okay. Fine. Izzy’s going back to work.’
‘So?’
‘So I only found out when Ed announced it in his speech tonight.’
There’s a beat while Rob considers this. Then he starts flicking through his phone. ‘So?’ He’s lost interest already.
I consider telling him what Izzy did to the flowers but it sounds too crazy.
‘It feels a bit off that she didn’t tell me herself. And she asked Ed not to as well.’ I feel like I’m telling tales at school.
‘Look, I dunno. Maybe she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Though this is Izzy we’re talking about.’ He sneers and I regret mentioning it. Rob’s always been funny about Izzy. He’s the one who got my mum all het up about her too. I think it goes back to one bad date they went on when we were fourteen or so. He was so angry when she ended it that he punched a hole in his bedroom wall. I didn’t tell him at the time but I was relieved. I prefer to keep things separate.