A thought struck her. ‘Did Larsson leave because he saw himself being landed with these three?’
‘Not an impossibility, ma’am. They do have a certain reputation. Parrish the playboy, Lockland the mouse, and Matthew Farrell . . .’ He paused.
‘The weird one from St Mary’s.’
‘If you say so, ma’am.’
‘Has anyone yet induced him to have his hair cut?’
Her answer was in the silence that followed.
Captain Farenden shifted his weight, stretched out his bad leg and said delicately, ‘I have to ask, ma’am . . . why have we taken on Parrish, of all people?’
She sighed again. ‘After his son’s latest headline-grabbing escapade, Parrish senior came to see me with a proposition. He would see to it that the Amendment Bill curtailing our powers would never make it through the next reading if I accepted his son for the minimum term. Two years.’
Captain Farenden was shocked. ‘And obviously you said no, ma’am.’
‘Well, of course I did. I told him straight – not without a considerable donation to our Widows and Orphans Fund to sweeten the deal. Just a tip, Charlie – if you’re going to accept a bribe, always make it a big one. People despise you if you settle for a piddling little sum. Ask any senior cabinet minister.’
‘I shall do so at the first opportunity, ma’am. So we can look forward to having Mr Parrish for at least two years.’
‘Yes. I probably shouldn’t have accepted him. He’s all wrong for us. He’s intelligent enough – too intelligent, probably – but there’s no sense of responsibility there. Or loyalty.’
‘Great,’ said Captain Farenden. ‘Rich, handsome, entitled and a babe magnet.’ He paused. ‘A babe magnet, ma’am, is . . .’
‘I know what a babe magnet is, Charlie. How old do you think I am?’
He stared straight into her damaged face. ‘Difficult question to answer, ma’am.’
‘Sorry, didn’t mean to put you on the spot. Anyway, we’re stuck with him. He’s signed a contract for two years. We’re supposed to instil discipline, responsibility and some sort of work ethic. Frankly, I’m not optimistic. He’ll do the compulsory six months’ gruntwork like all the others and then I’ll transfer him downstairs. He can finish his time on the front desk, meeting and greeting the public. He’s handsome and charming – there’ll be a stampede of young women – and probably some young men – all clamouring to join up as quickly as possible.’
‘Speaking of girls, ma’am . . .’
‘Oh yes, Jane Lockland. Well, we were supposed to take on more women.’
‘But Lockland, ma’am . . .’
‘She was the only one who applied.’
He sighed. ‘Why is it that most women seem to avoid the Time Police like the plague?’
‘More sense than men,’ Hay said shortly. ‘Anyway, she might not be all bad. Her theory results were excellent so she’s obviously quite bright . . .’ She trailed away.
‘Ma’am, she’s so terrified of doing something wrong she writes everything down. Everything. In a notebook. The general consensus is that she’s wetter than a wet weekend. She’ll probably burst into tears if she ever has to arrest someone, and worst of all, word on the street says she’s not the sort of person you want watching your back. You know as well as I do, ma’am – they’ll ditch her at the first opportunity. They’ll fling her into some God-awful situation and leave her to cope. Make or break.’
She said doubtfully, ‘Don’t be too sure she’ll break, Charlie. But she has to do her six months like everyone else. Then, if she hasn’t already left, I’ll transfer her to admin where she’ll be perfectly happy moving files around, and it will free up . . .’ She stopped.
‘Free up a proper officer to get back in the game.’
‘Such a politically incorrect thought never entered my mind.’
‘She’s a gesture towards the quota, isn’t she?’
Commander Hay closed her eyes and with the air of one quoting the Oracle at Delphi, intoned, ‘The make-up of the Time Police must at all times reflect the diversity of those whom they protect and serve.’
Captain Farenden made a rude noise.
‘You do our leaders an injustice, Charlie. I’m simply following their shining example. At least thirty per cent of seats at the next general election will have female-only candidates.’
‘What? Regardless of ability?’
‘I don’t believe ability is high on the selection list when it comes to any MP, male or female.’
‘Diversity is good, ma’am.’
‘So it would seem. So far it’s got us Miss Lockland and Mr Parrish.’
They fell silent.
‘Which brings us to Matthew Farrell, ma’am.’
‘His abilities with the Time Map are well beyond his years.’
‘Sadly, that hasn’t made him any friends. And then there was that incident when he was younger. When he brought the Map crashing down.’
She sighed. ‘No one wants to work with him, do they?’
‘They find him . . . disconcerting. And his background is against him. He’s tainted by association with St Mary’s.’
She said firmly, ‘That will not be a problem. He’s destined for IT and the Time Map and I’ll happily sacrifice the other two – indeed, the entire intake – to keep him here. So again, he does his gruntwork and then straight to the Map Master for our Mr Farrell.’
Captain Farenden said nothing.
She sighed. ‘It’s only six months, Charlie. In six months, Farrell can be transferred to the Time Map where he can really do some good. Jane Lockland will either have succumbed to terminal anxiety or grown a set, and Parrish . . .’
‘Yes?’
‘I suspect we’ll have discharged him long before six months are up, let alone his two years. Whatever his father says.’
He began to put his papers away. ‘As you say, ma’am, only six months. We just have to get them through their gruntwork. Which brings us back to the original problem. The missing fourth man.’
‘Yes,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘Could you ask Major Ellis to step in, please.’
Five minutes later he was ushered into her office.
‘Good morning, Major.’
‘Ma’am.’