She hesitated. “Noel? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Oh,” she said, sounding a little confused. “I was told your father died.”
I understood her confusion. I lowered my voice. “He passed away Tuesday. Who told you?”
“Lori told me. I wanted to offer my condolences.”
“Thank you. That’s kind of you to call.”
There was another hesitation, and then she said, “Actually, that’s not the only reason I called.” Her voice tightened. “I’m afraid I have some bad news. There’s no easy way to say it, so I’ll just say it. We’re terminating your position.”
“Terminating my position? What’s wrong with my position?”
“By the HR book, I’m supposed to use that terminology, but you’re too smart for HR games. The truth is, we’re terminating you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You’re being let go.”
“No, that part I understand. I don’t understand why, out of nowhere, you’re firing me.”
“Actually, it’s not so out of nowhere. It’s been coming for some time now. HR has a collection of complaints. They have for a while.”
“Complaints? From whom? Christine? You know I don’t get along with her. Or with any of her sycophants.”
“It’s not just your colleagues, Noel. It’s your authors as well.”
For a moment I was speechless. “Who?”
“You know I can’t tell you that.”
“Then at least tell me what I did.”
Her voice took on an edge. “You want me to go down the list?”
“I think I’m owed that.”
“All right,” she said. “I jotted down a few of the complaints. ‘You’re not present.’ ‘You ignore suggestions and input.’ ‘You don’t pay attention.’ ‘Your personal life is negatively influencing your work—’ ”
“You think?” I blurted out. “I caught my husband cheating on me, my father was dying…”
“Shall I continue?” she said.
“If there’s more.”
“There’s more. ‘You’re unpleasant to work with.’ ‘You’re condescending.’ ‘You’re overly negative, you’re mean, and you snap when you’re contradicted or someone doesn’t agree with you on the slightest point.’ ”
“I can’t help it if I work with idiots.”
Natasha didn’t say anything. I guess my response proved her point. Finally, I said, “How long has everyone hated me?”
“No one hates you,” she said. “At least, I don’t. Look, I didn’t call to attack you.”
“… But you did.”
“I gave you what you asked for.”
“My books have done well.”
“For the most part.”
“What does that mean?”
“A few of your authors might disagree. One told me that she finally just surrendered her manuscript before she was done so she didn’t have to deal with you anymore.”
“Who said that?”
“Again, I’m not going to throw anyone under the bus.”
“Just me,” I said. “I gave you my best work.”
“No one is disputing your commitment or your talent. Just your manner. This is a people business, Noel. It’s like there are actors in Hollywood who can’t get parts because no one wants to work with them. Same here.”
“Give me just one example.”
She groaned. “All right. Two weeks ago you slammed the phone down on Camille LeCrux.”
“She was being incredibly rude.”
“She’s a house author, Noel. Yes, she’s petty, rude, and agonizingly demanding. She also happens to sell more than twenty-five million dollars in books a year. There’s not a house in the world that would keep you after that. And yes, she went straight to Jonathan. He had to talk her off the ledge. I’ve never seen him so angry.”
I was quiet. Jonathan was the president of the publishing house. Not someone whose radar you want to land on. At least, not in a negative way.
After a moment Natasha said in a softer, more sympathetic tone, “I read through all the complaints. There was one common denominator. They all say you’re just too angry to work with.”
I let the accusation sink in. “So you waited for me to leave so you could tell me by phone?”
“No, I was going to tell you Wednesday afternoon, only that morning you came to ask for time off because your father was dying. Not exactly the moment to drop a bomb on you. I was respecting your situation.”
“I think respecting my situation would have been to be truthful to me.”
“That’s your way of seeing it.” She paused, then said, “You really are angry, Noel. And I just delivered a big reason for you to be even angrier. I’m sorry.”
My chest felt heavy. “Why did you call today? Why not wait until I returned?”
“When I heard that your father died, I called to tell you so you didn’t have to run back, in case you needed to make long-term plans. I didn’t want you to hurry back just so I could fire you.”
For nearly a minute my thoughts were treading water. “Who’s taking my authors?”
“You don’t need to worry about that.”
“What about Lori?”
“You don’t need to worry about her either.”
“Is she taking my job?”
“Again, not your concern.”
I took a deep breath, trying not to cry. “Then I guess we’re done.”
“Almost. HR will be reaching out to you in the next few days with specifics of your termination. I made them delay that call until I could speak with you.”
I closed my eyes tight. Finally, I said, “I still need to clear out my desk.”
“I asked Lori to put your things in boxes. We’ll keep them in storage for now. We can ship them if you like.”
I sighed deeply. “All right.”
“Look, this isn’t any fun for me either. I’ve had your back for a long time. As a friend, or at least a former one, may I give you some advice?”
“If you must…”
“Do yourself a favor and don’t make any big decisions right now. Give yourself some breathing room. With your divorce, your father, and now this, your life is in a major upheaval. Let the dust settle a little before you start off on your next course.”
I considered her words. “Would you ever let me back?”
“Would you want to come back?”
“I don’t know. I thought I did well there.”
Natasha exhaled slowly. “Never say never, right? You’re a good editor. Would I hire back the woman I first hired? In a heartbeat.”
I swallowed back the emotion. “Thank you.”
She was quiet a moment, then said, “All right. I’ll let you go. Get some rest. You sound exhausted. And I meant what I said, Noel. Take some time to care for yourself.”
* The greatest man-made fruit since the tangelo.