Near the opposite wall was a green tarp covering a lump the size of a school bus. The hidden object was humming ominously, Zoey could feel it through the floor. To keep people from messing with it, a WET PAINT sign had been taped to the tarp. She wondered if anyone at the party had gotten curious and taken a peek.
Zoey pulled out her phone and tried to call her mom to let her know she was okay, but got no answer. That was hardly unusual, her mother had a hard rule about not breaking up in-person conversations for phone calls.
Carlton, the butler who Zoey estimated was probably older than America, entered and said, “Good to see you back in one piece, Ms. Ashe. I of course was unable to view the standoff itself but I did get to see some harrowing moments on the TV there. That was a very tall ladder.”
“Where did everybody go?”
“Your mother and her friends left to go find a bar—I believe one of them is going through a difficult divorce and she felt she needed support. The sushi chef feared that if he stayed, you would not approve the overtime, despite my reassurances to the contrary. I had him save you a plate, though he was not happy about that, either—he asserted that even minutes-old leftovers do not represent the true quality of his work. Many of the remaining guests left as they assumed you would not be in the mood to deal with company after your ordeal. Others had already departed after realizing that they were not, as they had mistakenly believed, at a party hosted by world-famous blues singer Zoe Ashley.”
Zoey picked up Stench Machine and squeezed him. “Crowds aren’t his favorite thing anyway.”
Will entered next—Zoey had told everyone to meet up back at the ballroom—and seemed relieved that the party had dispersed. He glanced at the frozen robot octopus, rolled his eyes, then made a beeline for the open bar to pour himself a glass of scotch. Next came Wu, dressed in clingy black with harnesses and carrying a rifle case, like an exotic assassin in an action movie. He was immediately identifiable as a sniper, which would have been a terrible choice for a mission in a public location unless his goal was specifically to get caught, which it had been.
Zoey said, “Could you have shot through me if you’d had to?”
“There were not actually any cartridges in the rifle. Even if there had been, I would have no idea how to program the proximity detonation triggers. I’m not trained in that type of weapon; a bodyguard who hides and shoots from fifty yards away is probably being a bit too proactive in his duties.”
“No, I mean would you have been able to make yourself do it, if you had to?”
“Not shooting at the client is actually one of the very first lessons they teach you in bodyguard school.”
Zoey heard Echo Ling’s heels clicking into the room. She wore a jade sweater over leather pants that covered a physique that had apparently been designed in a lab specifically to make Zoey feel bad about her own. She’d recently added some gentle curls to her neck-length black hair as an additional insult.
Echo said, “That was crazy. Were you scared?”
“A little bit. What was in your purse you tried to leave behind? A stun gun or something?”
“A second override for the implants. It was on my key chain, we were worried you may have lost yours during one of the several times you fell down on the way in.”
“Wait, how did you know he’d head for the employee lounge?”
Budd Billingsley was right behind Echo, and answered for her. “Tilley was takin’ suggestions from his ‘fans’ on Blink chat. So we got on there and fed ’em the idea anonymously, told him it was a way to thwart long-range microphones. We had an entry team hacking the elevator to get back up there when you came out. Wouldn’t have worked if we’d lost track of where you were in the building.”
“Yeah, it’s really sinking in now how much worse that could have gone. Could everyone see up my skirt as I was climbing up?”
Echo said, “Well, uh, the bad news is that, yes, a clip from the ladder situation went viral immediately. The good news is those skull-dot panties sold out nationwide within twenty minutes. There was an article about it. Probably an endorsement deal in it for you, if you want.”
“And … yes, I want to die.”
Andre Knox was the last to arrive, saying, “Thought you were gonna fall off that ladder.” He glanced at a nearby table. “Anybody want some cocaine? Somebody left quite a bit behind. Aww, who turned off DJ Rocktopus?”
Zoey said, “All right, everybody gather around. I’m giving Wu an eight for his performance tonight.”
Wu looked confused. “That’s an eight out of…?”
“Ten. You played a convincing sniper and also said you wouldn’t shoot through me. Wu, you are allowed a piece of the cat cake.”
Andre said, “Wait, is this something we’re doing now? When did this start?”
“Yes, we’re doing performance review scores. Budd and Echo, you both get a nine. You guys were so on top of this guy that you were at the scene of the hostage crisis before it was even a crisis. Incredible work, to the point that it’s a little creepy. Actually Echo loses a point for telling me about the underwear thing, which I now can’t stop thinking about. Echo, you should have lied. Make a note going forward. Still, you both get two pieces of the cat cake.”
Echo gave the cake a slightly alarmed look. Zoey had never seen her eat anything but leaves, lab-grown seafood-style “meat,” and endless varieties of protein shakes. She probably hadn’t allowed herself to have cake since her ninth birthday party.
Budd said, “That probably isn’t as impressive as it looked. Only two places in the city you can get the implants done and I’ve got somebody inside both, leaking to me whenever a patient shows up. Then Echo noted that our Mr. Tilley sent up every shade of red flag one can imagine.”
“That’s actually super impressive, guys. Andre … let’s see. You get a seven.”
“Oof. That’s harsh, Zoey.”
“On one hand, the spider tank thing was incredibly scary, on the other, I am getting the sense that you overspent on it. And also it got bashed into junk.”
“That was the plan! As for the cost, there’s two things to consider there. One, you always get shafted as a last-minute shopper, and two, do you want to live in a world in which any group of lowlifes can raise the cash to get somethin’ like that? And really, it only added up to about two months’ profit from one of the casinos.”
Will choked on his scotch.
Zoey said, “Normally a seven would not qualify for cat cake, but Echo may let you have her pieces. Will, you get a four.”
Andre said, “Damn, Will, you’re dragging this whole organization down. Be honest with me, are you drinking again?”
Zoey said, “On one hand, this entire thing was Will’s plan and it worked out exactly the way he said it would. On the other hand, Will’s first plan, which was to splatter the hostage taker with a squad of guys with exotic weapons, was just shameful.”
“I still think we should do it. Track him, take him out. The moment he leaks the fact that we can override the implants, somebody will come up with a workaround to counter it. We can make it seem like an accident, if that makes you feel better.”
“Why would that make me feel better? It’s a million times better to get a bad guy to turn his life around than to get exploded by a railgun or whatever you had in mind. And what about Shae?”