Home > Illuminae (The Illuminae Files #1)(11)

Illuminae (The Illuminae Files #1)(11)
Author: Amie Kaufman

McNulty, J, Sgt: mason I have NO ****ING IDEA wut u r talking bout rite now

Mason, E, LT 2nd: so you didn’t send this message

McNulty, J, Sgt: WUT MESSAGE

Mason, E, LT 2nd: I send u

Mason, E, LT 2nd: got?

McNulty, J, Sgt: roger that

Mason, E, LT 2nd: and?

McNulty, J, Sgt: READING ****

Mason, E, LT 2nd: *taps fingers*

Mason, E, LT 2nd: **** me how long it take you to read you illiterate ****

Mason, E, LT 2nd: I heard your sister likes it zero gee true/false?

McNulty, J, Sgt: chum this wasn’t me

Mason, E, LT 2nd: i smell lies

McNulty, J, Sgt: srsly

Mason, E, LT 2nd: eat a ****

McNulty, J, Sgt: MASON

Mason, E, LT 2nd: Yummy scrummy ****

McNulty, J, Sgt: LOOK AT THIS WRITING I DO NOT WRITE LIKE THIS SHE GOT ALL PUNCTUATIONS AND THINGS

Mason, E, LT 2nd: if you are lying, all jokes aside, i will totally gun for your sister

Mason, E, LT 2nd: I swear to god I will make her my bride

Mason, E, LT 2nd: …although now you mention it, your punctuation is ****ing ungodly…

McNulty, J, Sgt: “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”

McNulty, J, Sgt: CHum

McNulty, J, Sgt: You are IN

Mason, E, LT 2nd: …

McNulty, J, Sgt: PICKING CURTAINS

McNulty, J, Sgt: MEETING PARENTS

McNulty, J, Sgt: MAKING PUPPIES

McNulty, J, Sgt: wait didn’t u say this fem rolled u up and smoked u

Mason, E, LT 2nd: ripped my heart out my chest

Mason, E, LT 2nd: Showed it to me, still beating

Mason, E, LT 2nd: then slam-dunked it off the ice shelf

McNulty, J, Sgt: she get good air?

Mason, E, LT 2nd: **** you chum

McNulty, J, Sgt: cheer up, *****. She wouldn’t have written if her loins did not ache for thee

Mason, E, LT 2nd: can u read? She threatening to kick me in the sopranos. She says it’s over.

McNulty, J, Sgt: “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”

McNulty, J, Sgt: “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”

McNulty, J, Sgt: “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”

Mason, E, LT 2nd: ALRITE SHUT UP ****ER

McNulty, J, Sgt: read between the lines fool

Mason, E, LT 2nd: zzzz, so what do I say to her?

McNulty, J, Sgt: nfi. probably start by apologizing for wutever u did

Mason, E, LT 2nd: what makes you think it was my fault?

McNulty, J, Sgt: because it’s ALWAYS the chum’s fault, chum

McNulty, J, Sgt: u got extracurricular didn’t u?

Mason, E, LT 2nd: **** no. I’d have no sopranos to kick if i’d done dirty

McNulty, J, Sgt: come on, u can tell uncle Jimmy

Mason, E, LT 2nd: shut up i like this fem

McNulty, J, Sgt: AND SHE OBVS STILL LIKES U OR SHE WOULDN’T BE WRITING GODDAMN U ARE A MOPEY *****

Mason, E, LT 2nd: …

McNulty, J, Sgt: so whatever u did, say u’re sorry. on your knees.

McNulty, J, Sgt: <insert quip about u being good at that here>

Mason, E, LT 2nd: …

McNulty, J, Sgt: and if that works

McNulty, J, Sgt: u must name ur first kid james in my honor

Mason, E, LT 2nd: >_>

McNulty, J, Sgt: if it’s a daughter u name it jamette

Mason, E, LT 2nd: 0_o

McNulty, J, Sgt: and then it’s happy ever after for Ezra Mason

Mason, E, LT 2nd: :D

McNulty, J, Sgt: ****

Mason, E, LT 2nd: what

McNulty, J, Sgt: I was just thinking now it will be a real crusher if they shoot u 2morrow

Mason, E, LT 2nd: …

Mason, E, LT 2nd: :(

 

 

To: Kady Grant/KGRANTHYPATIAONBOARD

From: Ezra Mason/EMASONALEXANDERONBOARD

Date: 07/21/75

Timestamp: 16:15

Subject: Re: Hey Ezra

 

Hey Kades,

Well, this is attempt #18 at writing back, so I guess I’ve got you beat.

I’m ok. I’ve been on the Alexander since Kerenza fell. The UTA recruited me when I hit eighteen.

I’m flying cyclones now, if you can believe that. Shows you how short-manned they are if they’ve got me droning a fighter stick. I guess I finally made it off world, huh? Probably not what you had in mind…

You might wanna be careful with the intel training. If they’ve got you doing any neurogramming, the UTA might conscript you too. They’re way short-handed over here since the hits they took at Kerenza. One of the pulse missile hits X-ed out, like, three quarters of the NG guys. Might be hard to keep avoiding me if we’re living in each other’s pockets. :P

Anyway, I gotta go. Got this meeting thing coming up. Guy here to talk about it.

It’s chill to hear from you, though. Real chill.

Ezra

PS: Um, the drunken keyboard face mail? Totally not me. One of my squaddies got onto my terminal. He thought it’d be funny. Really sorry about that.

PPS: Seriously. Not me.

PPPS: SERIOUSLY.

 

 

Message Status: DRAFT—DISCARDED

To: Ezra Mason/EMASONALEXANDERONBOARD

From: Kady Grant/KGRANTHYPATIAONBOARD

Date: 07/21/75

Timestamp: 17:15

Subject: Well, we are awkward at this.

 

But thanks for messaging back. Everybody here is talking about the Cyclone pilots. They put out a PIR about how you all rescued the shuttles from the Copernicus. What’s it like to be a hero? I guess your meeting is getting measured for medals, right? Anyway, what was facing down the Lincoln like? And the rescue? It seems kind of weird that the Lincoln could just come out of nowhere like that. How did it all happen? Also, my friend here is wondering about the survivor lists becauseASDLKDGFKNDFGJBE MORE SUBTLE KADY LIKE A BRICK WHY DON’T YOU?

 

 

Message Status: DRAFT—DISCARDED

To: Ezra Mason/EMASONALEXANDERONBOARD

From: Kady Grant/KGRANTHYPATIAONBOARD

Date: 07/21/75

Timestamp: 17:35

Subject: Uh oh

 

They do have me in the civilian neurogramming program, but I don’t like the sound of those odds. Time for a career change, if only I had a choice.

I’d be okay coming over to the Alexander, to be honest. I bet you guys have more information than us. You’re the military, you have a whole intelligence wing, right? Then again, if what they’re saying is true, the Lincoln snuck right up on us. Is that what really happened?

Anyway, the Alexander would be okay. My quarters here aren’t with anyone I knew back on Kerenza, and even if everybody went through the same thing with the evac, it’s still…I don’t want to say lonely, because that sounds so ungrateful. We’re the ones that got out.

I know things didn’t end well, but I think if the attack hadn’t come maybe we’d have found some way to at least still be friends. And you know, maybe…A year together can’t mean nothing. I thought

 

 

Message Status: DRAFT—DISCARDED

To: Ezra Mason/EMASONALEXANDERONBOARD

From: Kady Grant/KGRANTHYPATIAONBOARD

Date: 07/21/75

Timestamp: 17:57

Subject:

 

…****

 

 

Date: 07/21/75

Subject: It’s dark in here

 

We’re back doing group counseling again. I’m back doing group counseling again. ME. I mean, I don’t even. After all the effort I put into getting out of this the first time.

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