She jolted awake, a scream catching in her throat. She was back in the bed. Light washed over her, and it took her a second to realise it didn’t come from a fire, but from the bus’s internal lights. The vehicle was intact, parked in the middle of the road. And Dorran was there. He was crouched at her side, his brows heavy, his hands strong as he held her shoulders.
“You’re all right,” he said, his eyes tight with worry. “You’re safe.”
She keeled forward, gasping and shaking, sticky with sweat. Dorran caught her against his chest and held her tightly. She could hear his heart, racing almost as fast as hers was.
“Sorry,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “Bad dream.”
“You’re safe. You’re okay.” He tilted his head to nestle it on top of hers.
It felt so real. Her eyes burned. Her heart hurt. Her nerves felt as though they were on fire, sharp and raw with fear. I can’t let him be hurt like that. I can’t let him be hurt… I can’t…
“You’re all right.” Dorran eased her back and found a handkerchief in his pocket. He used it to wipe the moisture off Clare’s cheeks and chin, then kissed her in every place the fabric had touched. He ended with his forehead resting against hers, their noses brushing, their eyelashes close to tangling.
“You’re safe,” he murmured. “There’s nothing to be afraid of now.”
I can’t let him be hurt. But I already did. She realised she was still clinging to his shirt, her fists scrunching up the fabric. “I’m so sorry.”
“Shh, don’t be. It was just a dream.”
He didn’t understand. Clare shook her head, forcing the words through a too-tight throat. “I’m sorry for leading you into the tunnel. It was really stupid and dangerous.”
“You didn’t know it was a tunnel.”
“I should have, though. I should have realised. And I’m sorry for bringing you out here, away from your home. And I’m sorry for letting Beth stay with us for so long after we knew she was a hollow. I’m sorry for letting you get hurt. I’m so sorry.”
A smile pulled at his lips, sweet, confused, and sad all at once. “This is what is upsetting you?”
“You deserve better than this. Every single one of my choices makes things worse for you.”
“That’s not true.” He leaned back so that he could look at her properly. “Why would you think that?”
She shook her head. Her throat hurt; every word felt as though it were slicing through swollen flesh.
Dorran cupped her head in his hands, the thumbs brushing over her burning skin. “What would my life have been without you? That is a serious question. I would be back at Winterbourne, alone, and slowly going mad in those empty halls. Or, worse, I would be back under my mother’s control.”
She shook her head again.
Dorran smiled. “The time I have spent with you has been challenging, frightening in some places, and even occasionally horrible. But it has also been exhilarating and full of hope and joy. I cannot remember ever feeling as alive as I feel with you. So believe me. I will take a thousand misadventures with you over a month alone.”
An admission tumbled out of her, leaving her vulnerable, raw, and frightened. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“And you won’t.” He bent forward to steal a kiss. “I am going to repeat something you told me some time ago: you are stuck with me now.”
Strangled laughter escaped her. Dorran’s hands roved over her chin and neck then down her arms, rubbing warmth and feeling back into her. “Come and sit up in the front with me. I can watch you better there and wake you sooner if your dreams turn bad.”
“You shouldn’t have to.”
“I want to.”
He kept hold of her hands as he coaxed her out of the bed. He’d left the bus’s engine running. Bright golden lights washed over the road ahead. Remembering the sight of the monster’s legs interrupting the asphalt, she shuddered. Dorran responded by pulling blankets down from the upper compartments and wrapping them around Clare’s shoulders.
She let him fuss over her, just enjoying his proximity. Her nerves were still raw, and when he pressed a water bottle into her hands, she had to clench it to stop her fingers from shaking. Every time she blinked, she saw him limp on the ground, blood draining out of him.
“I want you to teach me things.” The words came out too loud, and Dorran, hunting through the overhead baskets for snacks, blinked at her.
“Things?”
Clare swallowed and brought her voice back to a comfortable level. “You know first aid. And how to repair the bus when it breaks. I want to know how, too.” I need to know what to do if you’re hurt again. If we’re stranded. If you need me, like you did before.
Dorran, looking thoughtful, placed a packet of toasted nuts in Clare’s lap. “That might be a good idea. I don’t have comprehensive knowledge on any topic, but…”
But it will be enough. “Teach me everything you know.”
He chuckled as he returned to the driver’s seat and put the bus into gear. “I’m not sure you’d want to learn everything. I have exhaustive knowledge of formal dining conventions, which, thankfully, I don’t think I’ll ever need to use again.”
Clare matched his grin. “Okay, maybe we can skip that.”
“Where would you like to start?”
“First aid.”
Dorran warm eyes caught in the headlights’ backwash as he smiled. “Good. Let’s begin with puncture wounds…”
Chapter Four
Night gradually morphed into morning while Dorran talked. He told her about compressions, about sunstroke symptoms, and about emergency surgery. Clare did her best to absorb it all. She didn’t realise how quickly time was passing until dawn lit up the edges of distant trees.
Dorran had driven through the night, and he looked it. His eyes were heavy-lidded, and his slightly too-long hair ruffled as he tilted his head to flex his neck.
“Ready for me to swap over so you can get some rest?”
“I’ll keep going for a while longer.”
“No, you won’t,” Clare said, and Dorran laughed as he pulled over to the side of the road.
“All right. I don’t have a good record of winning arguments against you. I’ll cut my losses this time.” Yawning, he rose then stretched both arms above his head.
They had parked in a marshy field that looked like it was only a few feet above the water table. The ground was clear and flat for miles around. Clare liked that; it saved her the worry that something might be able to creep up on them.
Dorran refuelled the bus while she prepared a light breakfast, then she took over the driver’s seat as Dorran adopted the passenger’s. He folded a blanket, propped it between his head and the window, and relaxed. He was asleep within minutes.
Clare held the bus at a steady speed to minimise the bumps and jolts for Dorran. She couldn’t help smiling to herself as she watched him; his long legs were askew, and one arm crossed his chest, which rose with deep, steady breaths.
The drive was hypnotic. Trees rushed past, thicker and lusher than those in other parts of the country. Mist, light and ethereal, wove between the trunks in mesmerising coils. Occasionally, Clare saw eyes flashing from between the trunks, but nothing tried to interrupt the bus’s passage through the forest.