Hazel’s mother wrapped her arms around her tightly. “I understand,” she whispered. “I understand.”
Hazel could feel, by the weight of her mother’s arms and the tone in her voice, that perhaps she was starting to.
6
JANE
Jane’s hands were shaking as she picked up the phone to call Silas. She had kept his cell phone number all these years even though she’d never really used it. It was not that she meant to never call, or never have Hazel call; there just didn’t seem to be a need for it. And he hadn’t called them. But today, that changed. Jane knew she had to call him even though she didn’t want to.
She had spent all these years in some ways so far away from Silas; but in other ways he was close. He was in her daughter’s eyes all the time. But he certainly was not in her home, or her life, or her heart. And Jane had never expected that Silas would, at any time, become part of any of those things. For her or for her daughter. She had built her recent life around that premise.
As she heard Silas’s phone ringing, Jane still wasn’t sure she wanted him to pick up. She wasn’t sure that he deserved her Hazel. But actually, she was sure that he didn’t.
The phone continued to ring on the other end. After all this time, no outreach—not a single phone call or letter or question or even the slightest indication of interest or curiosity. Silas didn’t deserve to look at their daughter or share space with her or have her in his presence at all. It was scary having to make a decision when Jane didn’t know what anyone deserved. When she didn’t know how everyone would be changed. But she knew she had to make that decision. And she knew what the decision had to be.
Suddenly, a voice interrupted the rhythm of the ringing.
“Hello?”
She was surprised how familiar the voice felt to her. That deep and grumbling and sexy, scratchy voice. But still, his voice sounded far away. Almost as if he was speaking from a place of exile Jane had relegated him to after weeks, months, even years of waiting to hear from him.
“Hey.” Jane had to take a moment to catch her breath. “Silas.” She exhaled. “This is Jane.”
There was quiet from the other side of the line.
“Hazel’s mom,” she added.
There was another brief moment of quiet before the beginning of a tailspin.
“Well, I suppose we haven’t broached the whole Hazel topic directly, but I think you’d remember me. We met sixteen years ago at the Grandor Fair. Had a whole summer thing, and, uh, back to Hazel. Hazel’s your daughter. Mostly my daughter, but I guess she’s got your genes. Actually, she definitely does. She has your eyes. Well, eye. What am I even talking about? Oh, god. Well, I guess you know about Hazel now, being that you’re in touch with Eve and all. And I, uh, just wanted to call and talk about the visit for a minute. Being that I am Hazel’s mom.”
More quiet on the line.
Even more quiet on the line.
“Yup. That’s all. This is Jane. Hazel’s mom.”
“Jane!” Silas replied with feeling and knowing and something like joy. It was an enthusiasm she remembered in Silas from before, back when they spent that summer together. His eyes and cheeks would light up when she would walk through the door of his place or meet him at their go-to spot, Rosco’s, for dinner. But Jane had always sensed he used the act to camouflage his pain or indifference or awkwardness, or something else entirely.
“It’s been a while! How ya been? Still doing your beadwork? Man, I always loved that beadwork.”
Just like all those years ago, no matter what it was disguising, Jane felt a tingling warmth as she let his enthusiasm wash over her.
It was quiet for a moment again as she smiled from her end of the line, and could sense that he was smiling, too. But then Jane felt an inexplicable hollowness. It would have been better if his words, his tone, were filled with sadness or regret or longing, but she could hear how happy he was that he was there and she was here. That he was there and Hazel was here. Jane snapped back into the moment.
“You know, I haven’t been doing much beadwork lately,” Jane replied, now matching his upbeat energy. “I’ve been kind of busy raising a kid. Three of them actually.” She made sure to keep a levity in her sarcasm, but she hoped it stung Silas at least a little.
“Mmm, right.”
Jane could feel Silas slinking back, and she felt pleased.
“But listen. I’m not going to bullshit you, and I don’t have much to say. I just want this visit of Hazel’s to be a good experience for her, okay? I need it to be. And I need you to help make that happen. Can you do that?”
“Yeah,” Silas replied. His reply was sincere. She could feel that he wanted to be good to her. And to Hazel, too.
“And then there’s this Eve character. Have you had much contact with her over the years? Do you know more about her than I do? I’m pretty surprised she exists. Were you? Don’t answer that. I just want to know if you know whether she’ll be kind to my Hazel?”
“Uh...” Silas instinctively replied, not yet realizing that these questions from Jane were largely rhetorical.
“I mean, what kinds of things do you even do up there with a fifteen-year-old girl? If I’m accurately remembering my time in Grandor, it isn’t very teenager-friendly,” Jane inquired.
“It depends what you think of as being teenager-friendly. Eve told me she got the best summer tan she’s ever gotten in her life after spending time here last summer, so there’s that at least.”
“Very funny, Silas.”
“I’m not kidding! Eve just lay out in the sun and found pockets of cell phone service so she could text her friends. I got to spend some time in the shop working on a few projects. We cooked meals together. Went out on the boat a few times. The days were pretty simple. It was just...nice.”
“Well, nice seems pretty okay to me,” Jane responded, finding herself more comfortable more quickly than she expected. It was simple up in Grandor. That was why she had gone there in the first place. Simple and nice was something Jane could get behind. She, of course, had some doubts about Silas’s ability to care for her daughter, but even though he had never been a responsible man, Jane felt sure he could be a good man.
It was quiet on the line.
“I have some more questions.”
“I hope I’ll have more answers.”
“Where will they sleep?”
“In beds.”
“Very funny. Where.”
“Upstairs. Together in their own room.”
“And what if one of them gets sick?”