I brushed the wetness from my cheeks. I was going to have to be enough.
The cabin surrounded me like a beautiful tree, all dark gleaming wood, but outside the sea sparkled, no spot of land anywhere. No wisp of cloud in sight.
My reflection flickered in the window. I leaned closer for a better look—and then wished I hadn’t. A terrible bump sat above my right eyebrow, raised and crusted with blood. Beneath it, my eye was so swollen the lids barely parted. It put me in mind of a clam, my eye did. One purplish red in color.
Suddenly I wanted to laugh. Then I wanted to shatter the window. But it didn’t matter anymore what Sewel had done ’cause it was over. I had other things to worry about now. I’d tricked my way onto this brig, but I was sure to be found out—if not betrayed by someone who knew the truth, then by my own coarse ways. When it happened, I’d be ready.
I looked up to the rafters, listening to the footsteps that drummed on the deck above me. Going out there was the last thing I wanted to do, but I had to learn where this ship was sailing and anything else that might help me.
I climbed off the bench and stepped back into the damp petticoat, then tugged my hair into a messy braid. Every muscle in my body hurt. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking.
Noises came from everywhere. Things creaking. Things thumping. Men’s singing muffled through wood. Everything strange, like a nightmare. One that began with a lone girl trapped at sea with a shipful of men.
I smoothed the red silk that spilled over me, adjusting the heavy gown as best I could and brushing off the crusted salt. My gaze fell to my bare feet. At least those were still familiar—sandy, as always.
Ready as I could make myself, I searched the cabin for a drink to slake my terrible thirst. I didn’t find one, but I did find the broken pocket watch on the captain’s desk. The glass face was gone and neither of the hands moved, but it was silver and would still fetch a good price.
I tucked it into the pocket of my petticoat and added the letter opener, which had slipped from my sleeve as I slept and lay winking at me from the bench. If I was driven off this ship, at least I’d have a way to defend myself and barter for food.
Reaching to unbolt the door, I noticed all the tiny scars and cuts on my hands from meeting nails and splinters and rocks.
Wrecker hands.
Saints…I had no idea how I was going to pull off this charade.
* * *
The instant I stepped out into the sunshine, the crew’s singing died. Everything stopped like the moment after I dove, when up became down and air became water.
My knees locked. My mind filled with one thought.
They knew.
Someone had discovered me for an impostor.
Now what? Would I be tossed off this ship?
“Captain, Captain!” The little cabin boy, Izra, darted past, his feet slapping the deck, his cries shattering the silence. “She’s awake, Captain! Miss Coates is here!”
He tore up the quarterdeck stairs and joined Captain Jansen, who appeared at the top. As they came down to meet me, the men turned back to their tasks, but without singing anymore. My presence had brought a strangeness.
“Good day, Miss Coates,” the captain said, folding into a bow. Beside him, the tiny cabin boy scratched off his cap and copied.
I dropped a curtsy, twitchy and quick, too shaky to slow down.
“Heartening to see you about,” the captain said. “Very heartening indeed. Will you join me? I have a good place for us to sit just over here.”
The good place was by the nested boats amidships, where two crates sat side by side. They were covered with fine Turkish carpets such as I’d only seen in Nassau, left to fade under the sun like nothing special.
I kept ample distance from the captain, sitting so he wouldn’t see the blood oozing from my cut. He sent Izra darting off to fetch a drink for me. Thank heaven. Then he gazed across the sea, his breath whistling through his nose. In daylight I could see that his better eye was also a little clouded, as if slowly going blind.
“Beautiful waters, are they not? The sight never tires.”
I pretended to observe the beauty as well, but blood was rolling down my cheek like a tear and I had no mama anymore, nor a home, and those seemed more terrible, just then, than the ocean seemed beautiful.
“Allow me to assure you once more that you shall be safe on the Ambrosia, and that you may depend upon me as a most devoted guardian. Regarding the matter of your quietude, Mr. Withers tells me there’s no cause for concern and that you shall be restored to rights in healing time.”
My quietude wasn’t going anywhere. I’d heard how the fine ladies in Nassau talked, their voices like perfume floating through the air. I did not sound like them. Only trouble was I didn’t see how I’d get answers if I couldn’t ask any questions. The Ambrosia was a British merchant ship sailing north, that much I’d gathered, but I needed to know more.
“Miss Coates, I beg you not to fret about that.” I blinked at the captain. Then I realized I’d slipped the watch from my pocket and was running my finger over its tiny hands. “Consider it yours—a gift from me to you. There, see? How easily a mishap becomes a blessing if one only has a bit of faith.”
I couldn’t believe it. Was this truly the life of a lady? Gifts of silver, falling into your lap?
Izra exploded through a hatch and came running with a pewter cup. He was skinnier than the wind, with dark skin that gleamed in the sunlight. He handed me the cup, flashing a smile full of missing milk teeth. I took it and drank it half down before my throat lit with burning coals. It was watered rum—and not much watered—but I finished it, not about to be choosy. In a blink, the heat seeped into my veins.
“My dear,” the captain continued, “in such circumstances ’tis best to speak in plain terms. The Paladin was a total loss. Every soul aboard perished. Every life was lost but yours. Your beloved father has passed on to the realm of heaven. I understand he was your sole relation. I met him only once but knew him to be a perfect gentleman and, well, I am sorrier than I can possibly express. Please be assured that it is my most fixed purpose to see to your protection until other arrangements are made.”
He blew out a long breath and blinked at the tears in his pearly eyes.
I remained silent, thinking of the real Miss Coates. How Mercy and I had rushed to unpin her gown and tug off her petticoats. We had stripped her to her shift and then pulled her out into water, where she wouldn’t be spotted. As we’d done it, I’d prayed for God’s forgiveness. Even now, my heart hurt to remember how I’d disrespected her. But I couldn’t imagine any other way I’d have survived the night.