On that fourth afternoon, I returned early from work and instead of going inside the house, I went out to the barn to look for Phillip. We hadn’t had much opportunity to talk, and I wanted to ask him questions about Walter’s death. I found him tossing hay into the horses’ stalls. Oz and Willie were already eating. Pearl and Lucy were patiently waiting.
“Hello,” I said.
He turned quickly and smiled. “Jo, hey.”
I hustled over to him. “How are you holding up? Have they worked you too hard?”
“Not a bit. I love it. I’m even getting used to these beauties.” He patted Oz on the nose.
“Is it all right sleeping with the boys?”
“Sure thing. It’s fun, actually. Reminds me a little of being with the other boys at the orphanage, except we don’t get in trouble for talking past nine.”
“I’m glad. I wanted to make sure you knew you were invited to the festival with the family.”
“Your mother already told me I was to come,” he said. “I’m looking forward to it.”
Before I could ask him anything else, Theo and Flynn burst through the barn doors, their voices loud and excited. They both stopped when they saw us.
“Just the man we wanted to see,” Flynn said.
“Phillip, we wondered if you could come to town with us in the morning,” Theo said. “We’re helping to set up for the festival and could use another strong man.”
“Sure, I’d be happy to help,” Phillip said.
“Do you skate?” Theo asked Phillip.
“No. Never,” Philip said. “I don’t have skates, so I’ll watch.”
“We’ll get you a pair tonight,” Flynn said. “Everyone in Emerson Pass skates.”
“Do skates cost a lot?” Phillip asked, his gaze on his feet.
He would be worried about the money for something that wasn’t a necessity. Shame on us for being insensitive. We should have thought of that before announcing that he would be obligated to skate like the rest of the young people in town.
“Our treat,” Flynn said, obviously thinking fast. “In exchange for helping us set up tomorrow.”
“Right,” Theo said. “Consider it a gift for helping out around here. Papa says you’re doing a great job. Flynn and I are busy with our skiing enterprise and don’t have time to pitch in like we should.”
“Yes, all right.” One corner of Phillip’s mouth twitched into a half smile. “I’ll feel foolish, but if I’m going to fit in around here, I need to skate.”
“That’s the spirit,” Flynn said. “Let’s head to town now. Mrs. Johnson will have your size.”
“I’ll see you later, then?” Phillip asked me.
“You can count on it.” I waved them off and turned to the chickens. Lizzie might need extra eggs for the desserts she was making for the festival. She loved how everyone fought to have her cake over all the others.
There were three eggs, all warm from the hens’ nesting. I placed them carefully in the bucket we kept for this purpose.
Doodle came strutting toward me as I crossed over to the door. For a split second, I thought of Walter. What was it about Doodle that had made me think of him? I put the thought aside and locked the barn door.
I was thoroughly chilled by the time I went back inside the house. Jasper, as if he’d been waiting for me, stood by the foyer closet.
“Are you all right, Miss Josephine?” Jasper asked. “Your eyes look tired this afternoon. You’re not coming down with a cold, I hope?”
“I didn’t sleep well, but I’m fine. Thank you for asking.” I’d tossed and turned all night for no reason at all.
“Your mother would like to see you in the sitting room,” Jasper said.
I thanked him and went to the sitting room, where Mama was at the desk writing. She looked up as I approached. Her gentle smile welcomed me. “Hello, darling. You’re home early.”
“We were slow, so I left Dolly in charge.”
“Are you hungry? You look tired. Have you eaten today?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Did you need me for something?”
“Nothing in particular. I haven’t seen you much this week.” She stood from the desk and asked if I’d join her near the fire. It wasn’t yet teatime. The fire crackled as I sat in one of the armchairs. A yawn escaped before I could swallow it. I ignored Mama’s concerned glance.
“I was just out in the barn,” I said. “Phillip seems to be adjusting to country life.”
“I’m delighted by the young man. He’s such a hard worker. Nothing seems to deter him, either. He just cheerfully goes about his work.”
“He seems to like it here,” I said.
“He’s handsome, isn’t he?” Mama asked.
“Is he? I hadn’t noticed.”
“Lying doesn’t look good on you, Jo.”
“Mama, I’m not lying. Why would you say such a thing?”
“I’ve seen the way you look at him.”
“I do not look at him any way at all, other than as Walter’s friend.”
“Do you think it’s odd that Walter ran away from the orphanage? Why would he have done that?”
“Maybe it was awful there.” Where was she headed with this? I tried not to bristle, but it was already too late.
“Phillip said the nuns were good to them,” Mama said.
“As you said, Phillip tends to see things very positively.”
“Isn’t that a wonderful quality?”
“Mama, what are you trying to say?” I asked with an edge of impatience in my voice.
“Nothing, darling. Just that you two have a lot in common. You’d have to be blind not to notice those eyes of his.”
“Well, I haven’t. Walter was the love of my life. There’s no need for a Phillip.”
“A Phillip?”
“Don’t sound like that. I’m merely saying that he’s nothing to me, other than a friend of the man I loved and lost.”
“Many people have fallen in love through letter writing without once meeting in person.”
Fall in love? Had she lost her mind? “The difference is that those letters weren’t to him. He read them as a distraction while he was convalescing. Not because of anything genuine between us, since I wasn’t even aware of him. He said he read them as if they were a good book.”
“I think he came here for more than the fresh air,” Mama said.
“I’m sorry to be impertinent, but that’s ridiculous.”
“Aren’t you at all curious about why you’re so insistent on remaining loyal to Walter?”
“I don’t need to be curious. I already know why.”
“A fear of losing someone again isn’t a good enough reason. Your whole life will pass you by, Jo, holding on to a ghost. Your sisters and all your friends will marry and have families and what will you be doing? Escaping forever into a book instead of living your own life?”
I’d like to have pretended that Mama’s words didn’t bother me. However, they did. She was right. I would have to stand by and watch from the corner of the room like a wallflower as my sisters and even Poppy fell in love and married. “I made a promise. Shouldn’t that mean something?”