Granny was still an attractive woman. She must have been quite the beauty in her younger years. Her sparkling gray eyes set everyone at ease as soon as they saw her, and the lines around them attested to the years of smiling and laughter. Everything about her exuded love, comfort, and happiness.
Granny was the perfect hostess and set out cups of tea and a plate of cinnamon cake. Then she sat down and lifted her eyebrows. “Well?” She leaned back and folded her hands in her lap. “I can see you are near to bursting.”
It was all the encouragement Madysen needed. Her words spilled out. “Mama’s passing was the worst part of a very trying summer. Between Granddad and the farm, we were all overwhelmed. But when she got sick . . .” She sniffed and swallowed against the tears clogging her throat. “None of us expected . . .” Oh, why did it have to hurt so much? Madysen cleared her throat. “It broke our hearts. I don’t know how we are going to make it without her, she was . . . she was everything.” She stiffened and tried to push the overwhelming grief aside. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to talk about Mama, but I find it always comes to the surface.” Madysen lifted her chin and wiped at her nose. “But that’s not what is most pressing right now.”
Granny patted her knee. “I’m here to listen whenever you need me. Grief is a crafty beast. Takes you by surprise at the most inopportune moments. So don’t worry, we can talk about your sweet mother whenever the time is right. What is it that’s troubling you?”
With a nod, Madysen took a sip of tea. The steam swirled around her face and calmed her. “Our father showed up the day Mama died.”
The china teacup chinked against the saucer as Granny set it down. Her brows rose. “Oh, gracious. Child, I thought he died years ago.”
“We did too.” Embarrassment mixed with anger in her middle, which made the tea feel sour and unpleasant in her stomach. “But apparently after one of his drunken spells, our grandfather had enough. He found him in the street half-dead and made a plan. He offered our father money to sign divorce papers and disappear so that Mama could be free of him. Then he told everyone that Dad died. The whole town thought so.” Madysen watched Granny’s face, but after the initial shock, there was no reaction to the scandalous news. It helped to calm Madysen’s nerves.
“Did your mother know?” Her voice was soft. Caring.
“I don’t know for sure.” Poor Mama. What must she have gone through all these years? “But I think she found out later that Dad was still alive.” How could she even say it? It was so embarrassing. Best to just spit it out. “Dad had . . . well . . . he had another family. Apparently, at the same time he was with our family.”
“I see.” Granny sat back again. She never broke eye contact. Never made a face that showed she disapproved of her father’s conduct. No condemnation. No horror. Just compassion and love. Her beautiful eyes shone bright with tears. “Go on.”
“The woman he was . . . with—” Madysen cleared her throat against the uncomfortable conversation—“was pregnant with their third child when Granddad sent him off as dead.” She rubbed her forehead. This was incredibly difficult to talk about, but she needed to get it off her chest. “This second wife is now dead. Dad came up here to find his brother-in-law and to try to mend things with us. But he arrived too late. Mama was already gone. He came to the funeral because he said we couldn’t deny him that, but when Havyn and John married, we thought it was best to ask him not to come because we just didn’t know what to do with this new situation.”
Her words spilled out faster and faster. “Then I felt sorry for Dad and invited him to my birthday party. Which was a mistake because I don’t think any of us handled it very well. Especially me. My parting words to him were quite ugly.” She put a hand to her chest. If only she could go back and change so many pieces of the last few months.
Granny tilted her head, a sheen of tears glistening. “My dear, I am so sorry for your loss and all the pain you’ve had to endure. This hasn’t been an easy time for you.” She pointed a finger toward the ceiling and smiled. “But isn’t it wonderful that the good Lord has given you a second chance with your father?”
Of course, Granny would see it that way. Maybe she should feel that way too, but she couldn’t. Not yet. “I’m hoping to eventually have that perspective. But when he showed up and wanted to tell us everything . . . well, it made me mad. He betrayed all of us. He left us. Without a care.”
She stood to her feet and wanted to stomp them, but resisted the urge. “The money and the drink were what was important to him. And apparently, his other woman threatened to leave him as well until she finally got him to sober up. It makes me wonder why we weren’t good enough for him to sober up for? Why couldn’t he have done that for his first family? And what do we do now? With the loss of Mama so fresh, I’m sorry, but it’s hard to forgive him.”
There, she said it. Then covered her face with her hands. She was so ashamed of how she felt, but she wanted to be mad. At him. It was all his fault. So she allowed the anger to build. She flung her arms out. “I know what you must think of me. Everyone always raves that I have the gift of mercy. ‘Madysen’s so merciful,’ ‘look at how merciful her heart is.’”
Mimicking the phrases she’d heard all her life made her want to explode. “Well, I’m sick of it because I can’t even show it to my own father.” Flopping back into her seat, she let her shoulders sag with the weight of all she carried.
Granny reached forward and grabbed both of Madysen’s hands and sandwiched them between her own. She squeezed them tight and, with maternal chastisement, looked into Madysen’s eyes. “Just because God has given you the gift of mercy doesn’t mean that you’ll always have it for everyone all the time. Mercy and forgiveness are two different things. And while, yes, I agree with what everyone thinks—gracious, you were always the one rescuing this animal or the other, or helping those less fortunate—you’re not perfect.” Granny leaned back and released her hands. “But I don’t understand what it is that you’re truly unable to forgive him for. I don’t think you’ve told me everything.”
Madysen could almost smell the musty scent of the mine. The cool, damp air pressed into her lungs. She closed her eyes against the memory of darkness, of being trapped and thinking no one would ever find her. Her heart picked up its pace, as did her breathing.
Granny’s brow dipped low. “What is it, child?”
The story started to spill from her lips. All the anguish and fear of a little lost girl, and then her heroic daddy coming to save her. His promise to always find her. Always be there for her.
“He broke that promise! He left. He didn’t care enough to be there or to come find me ever again.”
“Oh, but he did. He’s here, isn’t he?” Granny’s words forced Madysen’s eyes open.
More than one emotion fought for control. She had longed for her dad to come and find her, even though everyone said he was dead. Her little-girl heart had yearned for her father. But too many years had passed. She’d lost faith in her earthly father. And now that he was back, it hurt even more to know that he’d never come to find her—any of them. Why hadn’t they been enough for him to love? “It’s a little too late, don’t you think?”