I knew Mum meant well, but that was the thing, a bit of me-time was just what I needed. After what Jeremy put me through, it was what I deserved. And like I said to him when he also suggested I might want to bow out, no way was my holiday going to him and his bint, and neither was it going to waste.
“Mum, it’s a hotel. I’ll be surrounded by people.”
The line fell silent for a moment, and I could’ve sworn I heard the woman’s cogs turning as she tried to come up with another excuse as to why I should stay at home.
“Well you won’t get a proper Christmas lunch,” she said. “One with all the trimmings. And Jingle Bells won’t sound the same on a steel drum, you know.”
“I’ll live.”
“Of course, the weirdest thing will be the weather. It’ll be hot.”
It was all I could do not to laugh. Winters in the Yorkshire Dales weren’t exactly fun for someone like me who felt the cold. “Lots of sun, sea and sand, you mean?”
“Exactly.”
“Instead of black ice and snow?” I knew I shouldn’t tease, but the more Mum tried to put me off going, the more reasons she gave telling me I should.
“Oh, you know what I mean.” Her voice bristled as her frustration finally came to the fore. “Joe, you talk to her,” she said, calling for backup. “For the love of all that is holy, that daughter of yours won’t listen to me.”
Poor Dad, I thought as I waited for him to come on the line. When it came to his wife and daughters, he always seemed to be stuck in the middle.
3
“Hello, love,” Dad said, while my mother grumbled in the background.
“Hi, Dad. How are you?” Knowing we were staying on the subject of my holiday, I decided to organise my flight boarding passes while we chatted and keeping the phone to my ear, I wandered through to the lounge. One handed, I grabbed my laptop, passport, and holiday booking confirmation off the sideboard and eager to get started, I took a seat on the sofa.
“I hope you weren’t giving your mum a hard time just then,” Dad said.
I switched on the computer and waited for it to fire up.
“She doesn’t mean any harm. She just worries about you.”
“I know,” I replied, even though in my view the woman had nothing to worry about.
“She just wants you here, where she can keep an eye on you.”
I scoffed. “Why? To make sure I’m eating properly? Getting my five-a-day?”
“Something like that.” I heard the smile in Dad’s voice.
The laptop sprang to life and I put Dad on loudspeaker, before placing my phone down on the coffee table. I clicked on the internet icon, excited to check-in for my flight.
“Although I have to say,” Dad said, falling serious again. “She’s not the only one with concerns. You’ve been through a lot, thanks to you know who.”
As I keyed the airline’s name into the search bar, my heart melted a little at Dad’s words. Ever since I’d caught Jeremy in flagrante delicto poor Dad hadn’t been able to bring himself to say Jeremy’s name. “I get that,” I said. “But you both need to realise I’m a big girl and it’s not as if we can’t video call while I’m away. I’ll even send Mum pictures of my meals if it helps.”
“Is she starting to see sense?” Mum called out.
Dad chuckled. “I think it’ll take more than a few snapshots, love.”
Didn’t I know it.
“To be honest, Holly, I was looking forward to this year’s celebrations as much as your mother.”
I smiled as I smoothed out the booking confirmation and opened my passport in readiness. With Mum’s concerted efforts failing to have an effect, my parents had obviously decided on a two-pronged approach. “What’s new? The pair of you always look forward to Christmas.”
“Just the five of us,” Dad said, wistful, clearly ignoring my bon mot. “You, me, Mum, Vee and Mitch.”
I shook my head. The way Dad talked anyone would’ve thought Jeremy had been attending theirs for decades, when everyone concerned knew he’d only been the once.
The airline’s home page appeared on screen. Pictures of sunny destinations, holiday ads, and price drops leapt out at me. It was thrilling to think that after a few clicks and a printout, I’d be booked on the plane ready to head off to the Caribbean, proof that I would soon be the intrepid traveller I’d spent months looking forward to becoming.
“I hope you’re not offended when I say this, but you know who did put a dampener on things,” Dad continued.
Narrowing my eyes, I scanned the screen trying to figure out what action came next.
“Sitting there with his nose in the air,” Dad carried on. “As if he thought he was too good for the likes of us.”
Dad was right. Jeremy might not have said anything, but he had been a bit snooty. Then again, although I’d never admit such a thing to Mum and Dad, I could appreciate why he hadn’t been able to completely relax around my parents. As awful as it was to think, Mum and Dad didn’t always do themselves any favours in the way they presented themselves to other people. They could be a bit full-on and while their madcap behaviour had been a cross Vee and I had had to bear from the day we were old enough to know better, it was going to take someone special to accept Mum and Dad for who they were. A someone special I’d yet to meet.
“I’m sorry, Dad. It’s not that I don’t want to spend Christmas with you all,” I replied. I finally spotted the Manage My Booking button and clicked. “I just need some time to myself. To have some fun. And while I’m at it, think about what I want out of life, without work and a comfortable routine getting in the way.”
“What are you talking about, what you want out of life? You have a good job, a new car, your own little house.”
“Which might have been enough if I’d found someone decent to share it with.” As the next web page appeared, I thought about Mum and Dad, and Vee and Mitch, envious of their relationships. Try as I might, I’d never come close to meeting the one. I had serious doubts I ever would.
“Just remember,” Dad said, as if reading my mind. “When it comes to being part of a couple, the grass isn’t always greener.”
I almost laughed as I picked up the booking confirmation and began inputting the required reference number. Like that was a lesson I hadn’t already learned.
“You have your independence which, believe me, is something to be celebrated.”
“Easy for you to say,” I replied. “You’re not the one stuck on your own.”
“That’s as maybe. But there are lots of people out there who envy you your position. Being able to do what you want when you want. Only yourself to think about. We lifers can get desperate for that kind of freedom at times.”
“I can hear you,” Mum shouted from somewhere in the background.
“See what I mean?” Dad said. “She’s got eyes and ears everywhere that one.”
As I finished typing in the last character, I had to admit Dad’s words resonated. In my experience relationships were hard work and while Jeremy was just one in a list of idiot boyfriends, he’d proved to be the worst. My whole life seemed to revolve around him. In the fifteen months we were together there’d been a whole lot of giving on my part and a whole lot of taking on his, something I hadn’t fully realised while we were a couple.