It didn’t take him long to whip up a tray for them all to share, but the whole time he was working on it, Neil, Devon, and Dave did their best this-is-fine-everything’s-fine imitation to keep her mind off of the disaster. For the most part, it worked. And it only made her more grateful that she had such close friends, and lovers, to lean on when she needed them most.
When they’d finished eating—her stomach feeling decidedly less churny after being sated with warm, yummy cheese, bread, and soup—Neil collected their plates. He put a palm on her shoulder as he reached over her to collect her dishes.
“Damn, you’ve got knots in those arms bigger than Dave’s muscles. Good thing I know an excellent masseuse and she’s taught me a thing or two.” He grinned down at her. “Let me finish cleaning up and I’ll work on them if you want.”
Kayla closed her eyes and nodded. “Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you guys. This is probably the worst day of my life, but I’ll get through it because of you.”
“I remember the first time we were all together,” Dave told her. “During that massive blizzard. Things seemed grim then too. Not like this, but scary nonetheless.”
“You did a hell of a job distracting me that weekend.” Kayla laughed softly as she looked from her husband to two of his closest friends. Neil and James had conspired to bring them together, although she hadn’t know it at the time. And yes, all these years later, she was so glad they had. They’d seen what Dave and Kayla had been ignoring for too long and gave them the nudge it had taken to come together. Permanently.
“My guys are willing to take your mind off things any time you need,” Devon promised her, then elbowed Neil in the ribs, only sort of joking. “Aren’t you, stud muffin?”
Kayla snorted at that. These were her people. They knew exactly what she needed and how to give it to her. Even when she couldn’t have told them what that entailed. They understood, because they knew her and loved her.
Entrusting herself fully to their care, she lifted her arms to Dave and let him drag her into his lap and his embrace. “Feel free to do your best. But don’t blame me if it doesn’t work. I’m so fucked up.”
“You’re not.” Devon got out of her chair and circled around the table to stand next to Dave. She hugged him and Kayla too. “What you’re feeling is normal. It’s grief. Let us do what we can to help you through it.”
Kayla nodded then angled her head toward Devon. The other woman always understood her. She sighed when Devon leaned in and kissed her, just for a moment, a brief ghosting of her lips over Kayla’s, as if she was afraid of breaking her. “You’re going to be okay. We’re going to ride this out.”
Neil stroked Devon’s hair, then put his hand on her shoulder. “Why don’t we take this upstairs?”
Devon nodded and held her arms out to him. He scooped her up and tucked her against his chest before turning toward James and saying, “Let’s go.”
James was right on Neil’s heels, or maybe his ass, as they headed for the stairs that led to their bedroom. Dave lifted Kayla and cradled her as he followed silently. When she squirmed this time, he refused to put her down, not even for a moment.
“Are you okay?” Kayla murmured to him as they ascended. “It was your home too. Your life.”
“I think I’m still in shock.” He sighed. “I’m just glad I have you.”
Kayla stroked his neck and relished the stubble that prickled her palm. If it was slightly silvered now compared to the dark hair he’d had when they first met, she thought it only made him more handsome. His accident had aged him, changed him in ways she maybe hadn’t fully understood until right now.
The sense of loss she felt was so overwhelming, it was like trying to constantly swim for the surface of their dark, cool lake except with lead weights on her ankles. And yet, he’d done this before. He’d endured. He’d survived. Of course he was better equipped than her to deal with trauma, but that didn’t mean he didn’t need support too.
“We’re going to make it better,” she promised him. “We’re together. We’re safe. You’re right. That’s all that really matters.”
He nodded, then dropped his head to kiss her as he neared the edge of Devon, James, and Neil’s enormous custom-made bed, plenty big enough for the throuple plus any guests they might have over.
“See, I told you this bed was a smart choice. Function over form, baby.” Neil grinned as he teased James, who had taken the monstrosity as a personal insult to his tasteful decorating of their home.
“Fine. Every once in a while you’re right.”
“Things don’t always have to be pretty to be perfect.” It wasn’t often that Neil was serious for long enough to be the wise-sounding one of the bunch, but right then Kayla thought he had nailed it.
Her life was a hot mess. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t still amazing, and that she couldn’t transform it into something even more amazing than what it had been if she kept her husband and her friends close. They could do this. They always had before and she didn’t see that changing any time soon.
She groaned.
“You okay?” Dave asked.
“Missing the rest of the crew.” Kayla tried not to think of how far away Mike, Kate, Joe, and Morgan were when she needed them too. It would only make her upset again and that was bullshit. She refused to shed one more tear that day. And she never intended to make them feel guilty about smashing their own goals.
James sighed. “You’ll have to settle for us.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Kayla bit her lip as Dave set her on the bed then followed her down.
“I know.” James climbed onto the mattress on her other side and kissed her, a little more thoroughly than his wife had in their living room a few minutes ago. “I miss them too. That’s what I should have said.”
“This is a lot. For everyone. I hate that we’re apart, especially right now when we need each other most.” Neil set Devon down, then laced his fingers with hers and led her to the bed. Together they climbed on from the foot of the massive square and knelt near Dave, Kayla, and James’s feet.
In that moment, Kayla realized this wasn’t only for her. Bonding, sharing like they were about to do, was for them too. The crew felt most grounded when they were one unit, when they enjoyed each other and the links between them. For a little while at least, she found her purpose.
This was something she could do to make things better, not only for herself.
Kayla rolled to her back and began to shove her shirt up and over her head. She would give all of herself gladly if it meant any of them suffered less. And twice as eagerly because she knew that whatever she put out there would be returned to her four times over.
It wasn’t often she craved being the center of attention, preferring to watch one of the others be spoiled, but right then she needed the intensity of their combined advances to pull her away from the hole in her heart.
And they seemed more than willing to fill the void inside her.
Dave’s eyes turned steely and she squirmed as he went into what she thought of as his sexy beast mode. He was usually pretty laidback, but every once in a while—like now—he took charge, and never had he disappointed her when he did.