I peered at her. “You want to know that, you gotta give me a truth for a truth.”
She snorted. “I should never have sent you those books.”
“But you did, and I read them, and I loved them. So, truth for truth.”
“Fine, what do you want to know?” Her expression locked down some and her eyes tightened, as if anticipating how bad this whole conversation was going to go. I didn’t want her to dread it. I mean, I got protecting myself.
“If you don’t trust me enough to talk to me about whatever it is, I won’t keep pressing.” I could offer that much. “Right now. But you were right when you said I needed a friend and you decided you were going to be my friend. That meant a lot to me. More than I realized then. But I’m right when I say friendship is a two-way street, and I’m going to be your friend, too. That means all the nitty gritty and irritating stuff, like talking about our feelings and listening to each other bitch about everything—boys, girls, parents, college, school—and whether Avery should choose Aodhan or Atticus. I mean it. Everything.”
Rachel snorted. “In what world does she choose Aodhan over Atticus? Please.” It was an out I was offering her and she toyed with it, but the reticence in her expression softened some. “And you’re right, a truth for a truth. You are my friend. Even if you don’t think you are. You give me something to fight for. You accept me for exactly who I am and don’t expect me to change.”
“You might be the whole damn cactus, Rachel Manning. But you’re my cactus, and I’m keeping you.”
She grinned and turned her head away as she shifted as though needing to get in a more comfortable position. I didn’t miss how she wiped at her eyes, however. Clearing her throat, she faced me once more and then said, “After the Halloween party and everything went down, Skylar wouldn’t let go of asking me about you. And she decided I was spending too much time with you, and that’s why we broke up.” A lift of her shoulders tried to make light of something that wasn’t. “I’m not going to apologize that you’re my favorite, just like I’m not going to turn my back on you because my girlfriend decides that you’re competition.”
I winced. “Rach…”
“Nope,” she said. “I liked Skylar. A lot. We were good, but if she can’t accept my friendships, then we’re not that good. Even those four idiot boys of yours are okay with it. Or at least working on being okay with it. I get it. I see it. I might almost like them, but I’ll deny it to my grave if you tell them.”
“Your secret is safe with me, and for what it’s worth…I’m sorry. Would it help if I talked to her?”
“Oh fuck no,” Rachel said. “The thing is…once we broke up, I really didn’t miss her all that much. It’s just like before, I miss the sex but…” She motioned to her drawer. “I’m not going to die when I can get myself off.” A sigh escaped her. “Just sometimes it would be nice…to be able to trust it, you know?”
“I do and I don’t,” I told her, but I reached over to squeeze her hand. “I’m the worst at dating advice. Even if I’m getting a crash course in it from the guys right now. I mean, apparently, they were trying to date me and I didn’t notice. Probably not the best one to be able to say I get it all the way. But…I really love that they are there for me, and I know they’ll be there tomorrow and the next day and the day after that.”
I could trust it.
I did trust it.
If everything the last few months had thrown at me proved anything, it proved that.
She squeezed my hand. “So, my turn now?”
After blowing out a breath, I said, “Yep, your turn. What do you want to know?”
“So many questions…” Rachel looked thoughtful. “One of those boys has to have a kink…one he’s shared with you and you like. So that’s what I want to know, which one of them?”
“Rach,” I said with a wince. “That’s kind of personal.”
“I won’t tell them I know,” she promised. “I’m a vault. Besides, you said a truth for a truth, and I bared my bruised and lonely soul.”
Okay, at that, I rolled my eyes. But then again, she did have a point. Huffing out a breath, I groaned and squinted one eye closed. Technically, I thought we were all a little kinky, depending on how you defined it. “How about I tell you the kink but not who?”
“That is an acceptable trade-off,” she said magnanimously. “For now.”
Drumming my fingers against my thighs, I leaned toward one of Coop’s kinks. Probably the safest one to mention. Ian loved to restrain me, and I had to admit, I loved it, too. Never thought I’d be into that, but we needed more time to figure that out for ourselves.
“I’m waiting,” Rachel said. “I’d offer you a shot, but my parents aren’t thrilled when I drink.”
“Yeah, and I still have to drive.”
“I guarantee you that there are four guys who are more than willing to come and get you and your car, even if I don’t mind you crashing here. That said, time’s up, Curtis. Spit. It. Out.”
“One of the guys really gets off on watching.”
She squinted at me, head tilted. “You know that makes sense and isn’t even that much of a kink.”
“Rachel.”
“Well,” she said. “It’s not. I mean, there are four of them. Unless you guys are punching a clock somewhere, one of them is going to have to see you with the others…”
“You’re killing me.”
She grinned. “Not yet, but our next girls’ night, we’re going to Kink on the Hill.”
“We’re doing what now?”
“Oh, my sweet summer child,” Rachel said, reaching over to put her hand on my leg. “There is a lot of kink out there, and I’m going to make sure you know what all of it is. That’s my duty as your friend.”
“And you really want to know which of them is into what.”
“Well…yes, but I’m also curious about what you’re into and what you’ve gotten them to explore for you…”
Yep, this was how I died.
From embarrassment.
“Truth for a truth,” I reminded her.
“Ask.”
Grasping my courage, I waded in. “Are you really letting your feelings for me get in the way of a real relationship for you?”
It was what worried me. Not because I didn’t value her friendship. I don’t think I could have handled everything the last few months without her and the guys. Especially when there were times it was hard to talk to the guys.
But I needed to not be the reason she was not happy.
“I like you,” she admitted slowly. “I freely admit…if there was even the remotest chance you were interested in me, I’d give those four idiots a run for their money. And I’d win. Because I’m really good.”
I bit my lip to suppress the laugh that wanted out so badly. Because this wasn’t funny.
“But you’re not, and I’m okay with that. Am I comparing other girls to you?” She gave a little shrug. “Maybe I am now, but I think that’s a damn good standard.”