That’s why I wander away from the Village. And one day, there is Anders. When I leave him, I don’t expect our paths to cross again. I never see the same people when I visit the stores in Elko.
But then, Anders returns. I find myself going to the same place, wondering if I will hear the growling of his big bike. Will he smile this time? He doesn’t always. Anders is sad in a way I don’t understand. He isn’t unhappy like I am over missing Papa. Anders suffers from the sort of melancholy that bleeds out of a person with a broken heart.
I don’t know who hurt this big man. I bet he got sad when he was little. Everyone’s vulnerable when they’re a kid, even if they’ll grow up to be as big as a tree.
Anders doesn’t tell me about his broken heart. He talks about movies and television shows. Food is important to him. He needs to feed his muscles a lot, so he can stay strong. I like how his blue eyes brighten when he speaks of a good meal.
But he won’t tell me about food after the Volkshalberd get in trouble with his big bike friends. John Marks wronged them, and now we don’t get to leave the Village. Lately, there’s almost no food. All the good stuff goes to John Marks with his fat butt and his mean sister with her fatter butt. They’ve convinced the young men and some of the older people to trust in their plan. Now, most of the Village starves, but John and Steph don’t.
Though Mama worries about Anders’s intentions, she knows he brings me snacks. That’s why she lets me go. Life was barren even before the Village got in trouble with the Executioners. Now we barely have enough to survive.
One time, I bring Dove and Future with me. Anders only has a single apple for us. I tell him it’s enough, but then Future cries after he eats the last slice. Seeming angry, Anders orders us to stay there, and then he disappears on his loud bike. My brother sits in my lap, weeping over how empty his stomach feels.
Soon, Anders returns with more fruit from a store. When I show Future how our big friend brought more, my little brother gives Anders a hug. I think love is what the giant man needs most.
After that time, Anders brings more food. Each time, he gives me things I can hide. Nuts and fruit are my favorites, but he also brings dried meat and tiny bags of cereal. I only eat a little during the visits. Then at night, in our family’s tabernacle, when the rest of the Volkshalberd prepare for sleep, I show our treasures to Mama, Perry, Dove, and Future.
My brother gets so excited that we have to cover his mouth so he won’t yell. Then Mama divides the food. She is always fair. Being the biggest, Perry wants more. Mama refuses to be browbeat, though.
“These are the treasures of my womb,” she angrily whispers when he tries to grab more food. “They must be fed. If you want more food, go make John of the Marks share with you. He’s got enough to be fat.”
Perry only lowers his head. He fears John Marks and all the angry young men with their shiny, new weapons.
I’m not really afraid of them. Yes, I saw Papa’s heart explode. I understand how guns are demons that destroy. But I’m not scared of little boys pretending to be men.
Many days, the brainless toadies—that’s what Mama calls them—are as hungry as us. Marks refuses to share. He tricks them into thinking they’re getting more, but they aren’t. I’m not scared of dumb people.
“Will the biker men ever let us leave?” I ask Anders one day when he visits.
“That’s up to your leader.”
“The torch bearer is a dumb man. You said your leader is smart. Why can’t your man make mine do what he wants?”
“Bronco’s trying. That’s why he locked everything down. Otherwise, he’d have to kill people in the Village.”
Sensing Anders doesn’t understand, I explain, “But people are hungry. Without food, they’ll die.”
“Then, they should rise up against your torch bearer.”
“But they have the demon guns.”
“They’re just tools like hammers and rakes. If you take them, you can use the weapons against Marks,” Anders says, and then his blue eyes get so big. “Well, not you. Or your family. Maybe your stepfather can do it. But I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Right then, I hug Anders. His soft heart hurts when I’m hungry or scared. I don’t like it when he suffers either.
That’s why when Rusten runs toward Anders with a demon gun, I have to stop the young Volkshalberd.
Moments earlier, the two young men appeared from the woods with murder in their eyes. Before they arrived, Anders stood away from me while I ate a snack. He told me about the television show he watched last night. We weren’t harming anything.
Then Myles shoots a demon gun at Anders. At that moment, I imagine a world without my grand sequoia. The choice for me is clear. The Volkshalberd do not own my heart, while Anders does. I will kill to protect him.
If I was faster, I could have tried to stop the government men from killing Papa. Today, I’m quicker than Rusten. Once Myles shoots at Anders, the big man uses his own gun and puts a big hole in the Volkshalberd’s face.
Rusten hollers in rage and points his demon gun at Anders. I jump on the young man’s back, knocking him to the ground. I hit him with a rock until he stops fighting.
I don’t care if Rusten dies. I never believed the Volkshalberd’s views about death and what happens to us afterward. I am a Dandelion. Rusten can live his story again in another world. His time here is over. In his next story, I hope he’s smart enough to avoid hurting my blond bear.
“Fuck,” Anders growls when he realizes the men are dead.
I wipe my bloodied hands on my skirt and think about the food Anders brought. I should run to the Village and give it to Mama. If the men find me first, she won’t eat. Future is getting so thin. Hunger makes Dove only want to sleep. If I’m about to die, I need to give them the food.
But Anders takes my arm and pulls me toward his big bike. Panicked for my family, I yank free.
“What?” I cry when his angry face scares me.
“There could be more of those assholes. They’ll kill us both. We have to go.”
“I need to give Mama food.”
“We’ll come back for them. First, I need to talk to someone.”
I glance between the dead men and Anders. Even with his big scary face raging like a beast, I know he won’t hurt me. He’s got a baby bear’s heart in a big bear’s body.
Thinking I hear the horn in the distance, I start moving away from Anders and toward the bodies. I take the demon guns and bring them to the giant man who looks ready to yell.
“They can’t shoot us with these if we take them.”
Anders’s face does something that makes me think I’m missing an important step. He doesn’t explain. Instead, he takes the demon guns and shoves them inside a pouch attached to his bike. Then he picks me up like a toy and puts me on the seat.
“You need to hold on,” he demands as he slides over the middle part of the bike.
I wrap my arms around his waist and smile at him. Anders doesn’t need to know I’m scared. His heart is stormy, while mine can seem calm. I decide to pretend I’m not scared at all as the bike rumbles between my legs.
We ride so fast away from the Village. As the sun begins to set, I think of Mama worrying. Then I imagine Dove unable to sit up. Future will cry without food. I need to go back.