I grimaced at the thought of the chameleon who’d killed Zee, and almost killed the man beside me. I’d trusted Simon and been fucked over for that trust. I didn’t want to make that mistake again, but . . . Killian made me want to make it, as stupid as that was.
Which meant that as much as I wanted to trust Killian, I had to reserve judgment. I had to keep something of a barrier between us so I wouldn’t be pulled off guard, so I wouldn’t be blindsided when he did something that would hurt me or someone I loved. Or . . . if I had to kill him at some point. My heart tightened on that thought with a pain that I normally reserved for my worries about Bear.
But damn it, Killian had brought Abe back without question, without saying we needed to leave him behind. I didn’t want to believe that he was so devious as to be working me over that hard.
“How long do you think they’ll be out?” I motioned back the way we’d come.
“Thirty minutes, tops. Plenty of time for us to gather up the goods and get out.” We were at the back of the house now and Killian pulled the door open for me. I lowered Abe off my shoulders and he took a wobbling step and then another. A working dog at heart, he had his nose up and scenting the air immediately.
He trotted through the door, his nose lifted as he sucked in the smells around us. No growls, so that was good. I followed him through and dropped a hand to the top of his head. “Good to have you back, buddy.” I scratched his ears and he gave me a soft woof.
We’d almost lost him at the jail-turned-laboratory. He’d been injected with the Ikimono myst and had been turned into a true freak show of a monster. We’d managed to get the antidote into him and many of the other abnormals that had been injected, but there were some that were still out there roaming around, causing god only knew what kind of havoc. I’d leave that to the human police to manage. I had bigger fish to fry.
I shook my head at the size of the place. “Killian, where to?”
“Here.” He moved past me, his hand brushing against my hip to direct me to the right.
My jaw ticked, but I didn’t tell him to not touch me. Damn it, this was . . . I didn’t know if it was good or not. I just knew any distraction from getting Bear back into my arms wouldn’t be helpful and could potentially cost Bear his life.
I drew a breath to cool the sensations flickering through me. Later, I would deal with Killian and these feelings after Bear was home with me, safe and sound.
“This is a larger version of my stash at the pub, or it was last I was here,” Killian said. We were in a hallway that stretched the length of the house, by the looks of it. Dark polished hardwood floors clicked under our feet, echoing the length of the hall. Abe stuck close to my left side, pressing against me here and there for reassurance and stability.
He was a good boy, well trained, but seemed to be struggling with some of the aspects of what we were doing. Explosions, fire, and sudden bursts of fighting were hard on anyone, never mind a four-year-old dog who’d only recently been inducted into this world. Trained for it, yes, but living it was different. Having his heart restarted couldn’t have helped either.
“I need to find a place to drop him off,” I said. “He isn’t going to be much help if I have to carry him, and with his injuries he needs to heal.”
“Let’s get out of here first,” Killian said.
I gave a quick nod and kept a hand on Abe’s back, steadying him. I hoped we wouldn’t be in this world too much longer. This was not where I wanted Bear to grow up, to have him always wondering who was going to try to steal him, or wondering if he wouldn’t survive the day. I shook my head at myself. No, none of that was acceptable. There had to be a better way.
Killian opened a door on his left and I followed him through. The room blinked to life and for a minute, I just stared. It was a bathroom big enough that some houses would fit within it.
“The shitter is where you keep your weapons stash?” I arched an eyebrow at him. He reached past me, his face drawing close enough that I could smell the hint of something on his breath that made me want to taste it. Licorice, he smelled like licorice.
The click of the lock reverberated in the tiled room as he turned it.
“Yeah. Last place people look for guns is in the shitter.”
I couldn’t help the laugh and I pushed him away from me, moving until I was in the middle of the room with my back to him. My heart rate was up and the flush of desire tingling under my skin like the brush of his electricity was too much. Yes, this was getting much too intense, I was going to have to do something about it. “Killian.”
He was there at my back, his hands on my upper arms, his mouth near the side of my neck. “Phoenix.”
“Not now, Killian. I feel it between us, and I get it. Fuck, I do get it, but not now.” I turned to face him, but took a step back. “I cannot be distracted. And I can’t afford for you to be distracted either. We both need to be on our A game.”
His jaw ticked. “And if we both die before we finish this? What then?”
I frowned. “Well, if anyone dies it’ll be you. I’m the survivor, remember.”
He spluttered, his eyes popping wide and his jaw dropping.
I laughed at him. “Killian, I’m joking. But do you see? Even this banter between us? It’s not like me. I don’t joke with the men around me. You . . . you bring something out of me I thought was gone forever. I laugh with Bear. I tease him and he teases me and I love him with everything I am. He has my soul and I never wanted more. I didn’t expect or even want to find a partner who could do the same.” Well, shit, I’d just pretty much admitted he was a partner in more than a work sense. Damn it, I hoped he didn’t notice the slip-up.
“Was Justin not a partner to you?” He tipped his head and took a step toward me. I couldn’t move. Damn, I needed to move away from him, but I couldn’t because I wanted what he had to offer, all of it. The strength and power in him, the understanding of exactly who and what I was, and the fact that he didn’t judge me for it. He didn’t condemn me for my past, for what I’d done with my life, for my family. He didn’t shy from the dark in me any more than he shied from my hands that had killed so many.
“Justin was a good man, far too good for me. Even in his lies, he kept the dark from me, which is why he ended up dead,” I said softly as Killian’s hands slid down my arms to my fingers, lacing them together.
“Am I not a good man then?” He gave me a half smile and I struggled to breathe as those damn green eyes twinkled at me, secrets and desire filling them.
“You’re a very, very bad man,” I whispered.
He leaned closer. “I know. But you are a very bad girl. And I like it. I like all of you, Lass.”
Shit, shit, shit, this was not what I needed. Well, maybe it was, but not right then. “After, Killian. You can have all of me after, but if we start this now—”
He drew a slow breath and tightened his hold on my fingers. “After may never come, no matter how you look at this. And I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t live for tomorrow, Lass. I live for today.”
I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded. “I know. But Bear will always come first. Even after all this.”
He grinned and tugged me hard against his chest, still just holding my hands. “I’ll take second place to Bear.” The air between us danced on my skin and did rather bad things to my body, making me ache in ways I’m not sure I ever had before.