Bear was nothing like my father. He was nothing like that miserable bastard.
I clung to Bear’s hand as the truck slammed into the first tree on the passenger side. “Hang on, baby. I got you.”
Justin wrestled with the truck, but the steering wheel didn’t respond. “Brakes are gone. Deep breath, we’re going in!”
A screech of trees clawing at the sides of the truck did nothing to slow our headlong rush off the side of the road, down the hill to the icy water of the lake below. A swirl of green slid through the truck, touching on each of us.
This was no accident.
We were strong swimmers, all three of us, we’d make it out. We’d make it out, we would, as long as we could dodge the magic swirling around us.
“Deep breath, baby!” I kept my eyes on Bear, kept him looking at me, my head trying to tell me what was happening while my heart refused it. Fear had never been like this before. Eating its way through me from the inside out like a violent maggot.
Something exploded right under the truck halfway down the hill, and we were thrust into the air, the green light deepening until it was nearly black, filling the cab with smoke. Smoke that smelled like rot and death. The truck rolled, and my hand was yanked out of Bear’s as he slammed against his side of the truck.
Over and over we flipped, the truck smashing harder with each rotation, the metal bending, the truck that should have protected us in a crash turning into a twisted death trap. Metal squealed as it tore, shooting through the cab like rusted spears.
The hill leveled out as it reached the edge of the lake and the truck slowed its rapid, violent descent, and turned into a slalom that sent us into the lake.
The crash was over, as suddenly as it started. The truck was silent except for the burble of water under it, beginning to reach into the cab.
My body and mind wanted me to be still, to take stock of the damage to my legs and torso. My heart wouldn’t allow it.
I scrambled as true, thick gray smoke began to fill the cab through a hole in the floor. I fought to get my seatbelt off, to reach for Bear . . . a rumble that sounded like thunder rippled through the air.
Thunder where there was no storm.
The magic had found me.
“What’s that look for?” I brushed a finger down the middle of Bear’s nose, a replica of my own.
He laughed and shook his head. “I have a surprise for you. But I’ll wait.”
“A surprise?” I made a mock grab for him. “Well, I bet I can torture the information out of you.”
Justin laughed and followed us out as we ran across the yard. He strolled to where our old Ford was parked, looking perfectly at home amongst all the other trucks and four-wheelers. Bear ran around the truck once and I chased him, sliding on the hard-packed snow. Justin cheered us on back and forth. All the irritation in me was gone in a single breath because this was where I belonged. Here with my boy and my husband, in the open fresh winter air, free from everything. I was not the killer of my past, but a mother now. A mother with a son who was her whole world.
I caught Bear on the second go around the truck and swept him into the air despite his size. Working with horses and continuing with Zee’s training had kept me fit and strong. Planting a kiss on his cheek, I didn’t mind that he squirmed. It wouldn’t be long before he would be too big for his mama’s kisses. My heart gave a twinge at the thought of losing that. My boy was growing up far too fast for my liking. One day, I might have to tell him who I really was, and about the family I’d left behind and why. I did not relish those thoughts.
“Mama, are you crying?” He reached up and touched my cheek, concern etched into his young face. Only Bear and Justin . . . they were the only ones worthy of my tears. Justin was there in a flash, his hand warm against the back of my neck. I looked at him, let him see the sorrow for a split second.
I cleared my throat. “Snowflake in my eyes.”
Bear laughed and rolled his eyes. “Sure.”
We grabbed—or I should say I grabbed—the single pot from the back of the truck. A batch of homemade pierogis I’d learned to make from an old recipe book were still warm. I was not a natural cook, but I made sure it looked like I was with every meal I made. Hell, it was no different than putting together a fine-tuned poison that couldn’t be detected until it was too late. Follow the recipe, don’t deviate and it would turn out fine.
Justin put his cigarette out in the snow, and blew a final puff of smoke. His arm snaked around me waist and he tugged me against him. “Okay?”
“Yeah, just trying not to smack Mary-Ellen.”
He kissed the side of my head. “You haven’t yet, I think you can hold out until dinner is over.”
I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head.
Bear settled in to walk beside me, matching my slow pace as we headed toward the house. “You left the food out here in the truck for an escape, didn’t you?”
Justin grunted. “Smart boy of mine.”
I glanced at him. “Yes. Well, I thought it best for all parties involved for me to have an out.” Before I started lashing out at people, before I started in on the paranoia. Control was something I had in spades after all this time, but that didn’t mean I wanted to push it. There was always that possibility I would snap back to where I’d been before. Shoot first, ask questions later.
He nodded his eyes wide. “That’s cool. You can always tell me we need to talk. People wouldn’t question that, would they? Like maybe I’m in trouble for something?”
I slowed and then stopped and looked at him. Seeing all that I could have been if not for my training. Innocent. Loving. Giving. “That’s . . . the best gift you could have given me.”
His grin was all I needed to get moving again. Unlike me, he loved the limelight. He had to get that from Justin and his desire to be seen by the world. The one thing that had almost turned me away from his father when we first met.
He ran ahead of us and Justin tightened his hold on me. “If it’s too much with the crowd, we can go.”
I let myself lean into him, let him carry some of my anxiety for just a moment. Let him be my rock. “I’ll be okay.”
“I love you, Bea.” He pressed his mouth to mine gently, catching me off guard. Not that he wasn’t affectionate, but because public displays of affection were not common for either of us. In his own way, despite loving the limelight, he was a private kind of guy. I kissed him back, the kiss anchoring me, taking me back to the first time he’d kissed me and I’d actually felt something in return. The first time I began to understand that not all men were assholes.
He stepped back and winked. “That hold you until later?”
I couldn’t help the laugh. “Warming me up, are you?”
He waggled his eyebrows and swept a hand out to indicate I should go ahead of him.
Stepping into the house, the noise and crush of people didn’t seem as overwhelming as the first time in, though I knew the numbers hadn’t changed. The clear cold air had wiped away the sense of foreboding. I handed off the pierogis to the ladies in the kitchen with Bear at my side. When his friends called to him he looked to me.
“Mama, can I go?”
Maybe, but I heard the real question: Did I need him? My heart swelled as I ran a hand over his soft thick hair. “Go have fun. I’m fine. Your dad can keep me company.”