I shook my head. “Carthya needs you the way we need the plague.”
His tone turned nasty. “And you think you’re more wanted by your people? Do you really believe anyone wants to fight for a boy who has caused them nothing but trouble? Did anyone want you back? No, Jaron, you are alone here.”
His words stung as if he’d slapped me. Conner must have sensed the emotion building inside me and chose to strike again.
“I remember your father’s announcement four years ago, that he couldn’t go to war because there was no proof of what had happened to you. It was a lie, of course, and no king wants to lie to his people. Wouldn’t things have been easier if you had died? Don’t you think in a way that your father wished you had?”
My knife was already in my hand. I lunged at him, my hands shaking with so much anger that the knife scratched his throat. “You destroyed everything!” I yelled.
Conner arched his head to gather a breath. “And I’m the only one who can save you now. The regents won’t help you. Think of how convenient it’d be for them if the pirates got to you.”
Unfortunately, he was right about that. From their perspective, my death would solve a lot of problems.
“Your people won’t help either,” he continued. “Listen to them. They’re laughing at you.”
Fixed on his eyes, I said, “Do you laugh at me?”
He was quiet for a moment and finally the tension drained from him. “No, Jaron,” he said darkly. “I curse you with every breath I exhale. But I do not laugh.”
Gregor had remained behind us, and it occurred to me that he wouldn’t object if I used my knife now. He’d never approved of my decision to imprison Conner rather than execute him. But then, he hadn’t agreed with most of my decisions so far. I released Conner, who fell to his knees, his hand massaging his throat.
I drew in some air until I’d calmed down, then said to him, “Where did you get the dervanis oil?”
“From the pirate Devlin,” Conner mumbled. “But knowing that won’t help you now. Only I can fix this. Let me help you save Carthya. Forgive me, my king, here and now.”
I clicked my tongue, then said, “I’ll forgive you once I get my family back. Good-bye, Conner.” He was still yelling my name as the dungeon door closed. Gregor silently followed me down the steps of the tower. I continued forward while he reinstated the vigil.
My hands were shaking as I entered the main passageway. Conner had unnerved me in a way I could never have expected. Even in chains, he knew my vulnerabilities.
Once Gregor had caught up with me, he asked if I was all right, but I gave him no answer. Then he said, “Conner denied any connection between Vargan and the pirates. Perhaps you are wrong.”
“I’m not. Tell me what I’m missing. Conner said I wasn’t asking the right questions.”
“He’s a manipulator, toying with your weaknesses. He’s not to be trusted.”
I stopped walking so that I could look at him. “Do you trust me, Gregor?”
“Should I?” He shifted his weight while he reconsidered his boldness. In a humbler tone, he continued, “After everything tonight, you must be exhausted. Get some rest, and know that I’m here to protect you.”
“As you protected me tonight?” I took a breath, then added, “Tell me this. If the pirates attack us, does Carthya have any chance of winning?”
His eyes widened. “You’re not suggesting —”
“I need to know.”
“Our numbers are greater,” he said. “But it would be like fighting a bear. Carthya may come out of it alive, but with terrible wounds. And once wounded, we’d be easy prey if Avenia chose to invade.”
Just as I had thought. “We’d survive only long enough to be destroyed,” I mumbled. Then I added, “What if we attacked the pirates first?”
Gregor shook his head. “The pirates are hidden inside Avenia. To get at them we’d have to attack all of Avenia. With both enemies against us, Carthya would be destroyed in a matter of weeks. Whatever aggression the pirates showed against you tonight, war cannot be an option.”
I hated the thought of war. Yet even more, I despised the fact that we were so unprepared to defend ourselves. Ever fearful of war, my father had treated his soldiers as parade decorations rather than as warriors. My mother had always understood the threats against us, but obviously even she couldn’t overcome his fear of battle. Worse than anything was the realization that had my father lived, he and I would never have come to a mutual understanding. We would always have found some way to disappoint each other.
I thanked Gregor, then told him I’d see my own way to my rooms and meet him again in the morning.
I walked away only until I found a quiet corner where I could back against the cool wall and breathe. Conner may have been right about one thing: I had never been more alone, and my situation never more desperate. Every minute of the night had pushed me another step closer to my death, and my options were narrowing. It was becoming clear what had to be done, but I was certain there was no hope that I could do it. One way or another, I would have to face the pirates.
Mott and Tobias were waiting at the doors to my chambers when I arrived there, and bowed when they saw me. I didn’t mind too much when staff at the castle bowed, but it was still uncomfortable for me when they did it.
Tobias was the last of the orphans Conner had taken. Mott was Conner’s former servant, and both he and Tobias had caused me no end of misery while at Farthenwood. Considering the odds against us there, it was an amazing thing now to call them both my friends. Over the past month, I had sent them throughout Carthya to find Roden. Now I realized what a foolish errand that had been.
Tobias was taller than I, had darker hair, and until my recent loss of appetite, he had been thinner too. Mott stood at least a head taller than Tobias. He was almost entirely bald, dark-skinned, and made of little else but muscle and disapproving frowns.
Mott’s eyes went immediately to my bandaged arm, and his brows pressed together in concern. “You’re wounded,” he said.
“Never mind that,” I said. “When did you get back?”
“Just now.” Mott’s gaze remained fixed on my arm. “The funeral for your family was ending as we arrived. Obviously, that’s not where you were.”
“They didn’t need me there. Everyone was mourning their own loss of power far too much to bother with grieving.” I turned to Tobias and noted the dark circles beneath his eyes. “You look exhausted. Haven’t you slept?”