I accepted the cup and took a sip, but the taste didn’t satisfy me like normal. “Do we have anything on the agenda today?” I asked her, hoping there would be something to distract me from my thoughts.
She shook her head. “Beatrix is the only one who has reached out lately. Seems the streets of LA are relatively quiet in the peak of winter.”
Of course, they were. Almost as if it was perfect timing for Finn to show up and ask for my help.
“What are you going to do about the fae?” Neva asked, as if she knew exactly where my thoughts had gone.
“I don't know. I swore I’d never go back, but all I could think about last night was the chance to cut the king down. He’s been a bastard ever since his sister died, but I hadn’t seen it until it was too late. He doesn't deserve to rule those lands.”
Usually, when someone didn’t deserve something—and I knew it—I took it from them. At least, that was who I’d been the last couple years since I’d been banished, but I still remembered that final day like it was yesterday.
Standing guard outside the castle doors, I was staring up at the moon when Carden came snarling from the back side of the building. He was King Zephyr’s pet werewolf. Some poor shifter who made a deal with the king and lost. It wasn’t natural to keep a man in his beast form for long periods of time, but the king was insistent he had things under control.
“What’s wrong, Carden?” I asked, holding my stance even as he began foaming at the mouth. Though the wolf couldn’t respond with words, I hoped he’d show whatever had his tail ruffled.
Instead, his reply was a vicious growl right before he lunged at me with teeth bared. I was slammed with dark magic but managed to push him off me with my wings. Before I could grab on to the beast, he was headed inside the castle.
I yelled for help, but nobody responded. It was the middle of the night, and anyone who was on guard stood outside. Problems directly in the castle weren’t usually something we had to worry about. Realizing I was on my own, I gave chase and flew over the stairs to catch up with Carden.
I landed in front of him as he clawed at the floor. “What do you think you’re doing?” Magic poured off me in waves. I didn’t want to kill the shifter. Something was clearly wrong with him, but he seemed to be headed directly to King Zephyr’s chambers and I wouldn’t let that happen. No matter what.
But even as I thought the words, Carden had other ideas. He howled loudly and charged for me, but I was ready this time. With my feathered wings turned into weapons, I angled them in front of me and sliced at the wolf. Blood was seeping from his chest, but that didn’t hinder his attack.
He chomped down on my wing, barely making a scratch, but enough to distract me as Carden jumped over me and continued down the hallway. I wasn’t going to be able to stop the wolf without killing him. King Zephyr would be pissed, but at least he’d be alive.
Shaking the memory from my head, I did my best not to remember what happened next. I hated more than anything that the king’s betrayal still affected me, but it had also given me the freedom I hadn’t known I needed at the time.
It wasn’t all bad, but lately, I was having a hard time figuring out who I was, which made the decision of whether or not to help Finn even harder. If I let the past bring doubts into my mind, I wouldn’t be able to stop the king.
Neva stared at me expectantly but didn’t say a word. I knew what she was thinking, though I wasn’t ready to accept it and probably never would be.
King Easton Zephyr was my kryptonite. He’d been like a father to me, and when he’d cast me out, it had changed me.
That was the day I’d promised to never be vulnerable again. That day, I’d become the hardened, uncaring fae I was now.
Apparently, my badass persona only extended as far as the bubble I’d created for myself in LA, but I refused to show a single weakness to anyone else. This would pass, and I could go back to enjoying my life and forgetting about Fae Islands.
But then there was the little incessant voice in my head reminding me that I hadn’t really been enjoying anything as of late. I’d been out of sorts and uncertain what to do about it. I hated to believe this was my solution, that revisiting my past might be the only way for me to move forward once again.
But I’d worked too hard to go backward, or so I kept telling myself.
Don’t wait for Finn. Killing the king will set you free from the pain you’ve been wallowing in. Do this and live the life you’ve always wanted. My inner voice was calmer than it had been in days. It was almost soothing, which made me trust it even less. It was reminding me too much of the king.
“You’re a good person, Ms. Lucinda. You help those who need it whenever you can. If you’re not able to this time, then there’s nothing wrong with that. Whatever you decide will be the right choice. I’m sure the sister will be fine,” Neva added minutes after our conversation had ended.
I’d tried not to think about the sister Finn had mentioned. I didn’t want to be guilted into anything, but apparently, Neva wasn’t above that kind of low blow.
I was then wondering what the king might have done to the girl that had driven her brother to come all this way to find me when it was obviously so hard for him to do.
I groaned as I imagined all the things I knew the bastard was capable of, and the sliver of compassion I still had left in me—the parts I’d been unable to let go of no matter how many times King Zephyr beat me into submission—rose to the surface.
“Son of a bitch,” I muttered.
Neva smirked, trying to hide her happiness, but failing. “Shall I begin packing?”
“Not yet. Tell me about this darkness you sensed in Finn. What had you backing away from him?”
She carefully poured herself a cup of coffee before meeting my eyes. “Well, he reminded me of you… but a forced version.”
I leaned back in the stool, staying calm. “Care to expand on that?”
“You were born a dark fae. Even though every fae has a dark ancestor in their bloodline, some of them are called light fae. Do you know why that is?”
I sighed. “Of course, I do.” Every fae learned as a young faeling that the supernatural world depended on a balance. Where there was darkness, there would always be light, and vice versa, but no one person could equally be both.
I was born a dark fae. I would always be the darkness, no matter how many others I helped. There was no true redemption for someone like me.
“Well, Finn isn’t a dark fae. He’s a light one, but he’s taken on enough dark magic that he should be dead. Yet, somehow, he’s not. Last night, that fact scared me, but after spending so much time with you, I decided not to be frightened. Now, I’m curious like I think you are as well.”
That damn elf was too observant.
“That is certainly interesting. So, are you saying you think we should help him even though it could get us killed?” I asked, because she needed to know if we stepped beyond the borders of Fae Islands, there was no going back. I wouldn’t leave until either myself or the king was dead.
“May I be frank?” She paused, and I nodded because I wasn’t the only one who had changed. She deserved a voice. “I think you’ve waited long enough to find your way home. While you might adore LA, you’ll never truly be happy until you’ve buried your demons, Ms. Lucinda.”