“I’m experiencing irritation again. A lot of it. Definitely coming from the direction of the stairs. I’m guessing female if the mood swings are any indication,” mutters Thor.
Well, that’s just demeaning. Though I’m also honest enough with myself that I can acknowledge the validity of that statement, letting it go with a shrug.
Sexy Nerd starts moving around the room with the EMF meter. It’s the tool of choice for most ghost hunters these days. It measures the level of electromagnetic energy in an area, spiking when it gets close to things that give off an electric current. Ghost hunters believe it can prove or disprove the presence of paranormal activity. Assuming the person knows what they’re doing. If the user is standing in the middle of a room, far away from anything electrical, and receives a spike, it could indicate ghostly phenomena as ghosts are supposedly known for emitting their own current. Yeah, this isn’t my first paranormal rodeo.
It stays silent until he gets closer to the bottom of the staircase.
“We’ve got a spike right here – almost five milligauss. Looks like a temperature dip here too. Almost five degrees cooler in seconds.”
His excitement is obvious and has me smiling a bit. Just as he prepares to head up the stairs, Agent Barbie lays a hand on his arm. The smile falls, and I experience a stab of emotions that pass so quickly I can’t even recognize them all. Just as I’m reeling from whatever the hell that was, the EMF meter starts beeping frantically, and Sexy Nerd’s eyebrows furrow deeply. I want nothing more than to kiss him there to smooth out those lines.
What the fuck?
Apparently my libido and I need to have a little sit-me-down. I’m all for sexy times, but this feels like so much more than simple desire. There’s a level of intimacy here I can’t even begin to fathom.
“Come on, guys. Y’all can’t really believe there are like…ghosts living here, right?” she asks with a nervous little laugh at the end. She grabs a chunk of her blonde ponytail and twirls it around the fingers of her left hand, the other still clinging to Sexy Nerd’s arm. The contact is making me feel a little slap happy.
Dammit! What I wouldn’t give for a set of solid hands right about now.
He seems to suddenly realize that she’s touching him and quickly drops his arm before looking to the top of the stairs once again. Obviously reluctant to stop researching the cause of the activity, he turns to Alpha who gives him a simple nod. He shuts off the EMF meter which is still beeping wildly.
“Come on. Let’s get these lease contracts signed, and then I can give y’all the keys to the place…and a personal tour if you’d like,” Agent Barbie offers with a little wink.
She walks over to her bag sitting on the table in the middle of the foyer and pulls out a stack of papers and a pen. With a little come-hither gesture, she motions for Alpha to meet her at the table. He steps up to her right, with Thor moving up to her left. They begin going over the terms, and only then do her words register.
Lease contracts? They’re moving in? Well, fuck me sideways!
My hands land on my hips, and my head falls back with a dramatic sigh that no one can appreciate because no one can hear it. This can’t happen. These guys, no matter how drool-worthy, absolutely cannot take up residence in my house. I’ll be facing months of spirit box sessions, and video cameras always recording, and digital recorders placed in random locations, and…yeah, okay…loads of inevitable sexual frustration.
Dammit!
How did I find myself here? I’ve spent years in relative peace. Now, in a matter of minutes, I’m witnessing my solitude go up in flames. And not just a cozy little fire that warms you up while you roast marshmallows and sing camp songs. This is a full-on inferno engulfing every last scrap of my sanity. Kumba-fucking-ya!
New voices draw my attention back to the present and the maddening situation I have found myself in.
“Ouch! What the hell was that for?” says a blond giant near the door, rubbing his shoulder and scowling at the man next to him.
“Come on, dipshit! Let’s grab the rest of the gear,” replies an identical blond giant standing next to him.
These two guys are mirror images of each other. Taller than the other three by at least a couple inches, their shoulders probably struggle to fit through a door frame. I’m honestly astounded by the elasticity of those black logo tees. Someone should definitely leave the manufacturer some five-star reviews on Amazon.
They’re both in black jeans that encase their long legs, black boots, and matching aviator sunglasses. Their long hair hangs in luxurious waves past their shoulders, and I feel a twinge of hair envy. Even their full beards match. Does their underwear match too? Boxers? Maybe boxer briefs? It seems imperative that I find out.
“Fine. Let’s go, wankstain,” mutters Dipshit.
They turn and head out the door. From the back, the only noticeable distinction between the two would be the tattoos covering opposite arms and hands. Their asses are most certainly identical. I had to double check that little detail - all in the name of research, of course.
As if my overactive imagination needed anymore stimuli, now my mind is swirling with all sorts of naughty thoughts about being the female meat to their twin sandwich. Yup. I’m headed straight down the one way road to Frustration Central. Ugh! #GhostGirlProblems.
I plop down on the top step, my elbows finding my knees, and look down on the chaos that was once my peaceful foyer.
“Ok, Fate,” I say out loud, which helps me think. “They’re intrigued now. This damn connection with Thor and that little fiasco with the EMF meter have given them ammunition for their research. They won’t leave.” I let my mind skim over all of my potential plans. “Maybe I’ll just ignore them. Let them think it was all just a fluke. If I can manage to stay far away from Thor, he’ll have to assume it was a fluke or something, right? They’ll get bored and hightail it out of here. It might be a half-assed plan at best, but at this point it’s all I’ve got.”
No one responds, of course, because no one can hear my ramblings.
But is that really what I want? For them to abandon this place and leave me alone. I may appreciate having the space to myself, but the loneliness has grown to become an insistent, gnawing despondency. For the first time in my recent existence, there’s a flicker of hope that I might be able to find some answers to my situation. These guys are key. I can feel it every time one of those damn hints of familiarity brushes against that empty space inside my soul. It would suck them in and keep them if it could, but they bounce right off, leaving me feeling emptier than ever. If I can somehow figure this out, maybe I’ll finally get some resolution.
What that means, I’m not sure. Head off into the light? Yes, please. Get sucked down into the fiery depths below? An image suddenly pops into my mind of embers and screams and bleakness, all in terrifyingly vivid detail. My eyes widen, and I swear I can smell wisps of sulfur. Then it’s all gone, and I’m left trying to figure out, once again, what the hell just happened.
A girlish giggle draws my focus back to the chaos of my unlife, and I look down to find Barbie packing up her paperwork while stealing glances at Alpha. The other guys have finished unloading the equipment and are surrounded by so many cases there’s barely enough floor space to walk.