I gave a sad little laugh. “And why is that? My being rejected by one of the most popular boys in Potomac isn’t all that surprising.”
“No fishing, and no self-pity.” Godmother Althea’s mouth curved in a knowing not-quite smile. “I know you worship the ground he walks on, and Peter’s a good boy. But, Selah, he’s just a boy.”
“He’s different. Special,” I said hotly. “Peter’s good and handsome and wonderful.” I grimaced, feeling the words like salt in a cut.
“You’re a little biased, baby. He’s a cute kid, sure. Comes to confession twice a week and waited on his mother hand and foot when she got sick last winter.” She tipped her head at me. “But Peter’s not out of your reach.”
I swallowed hard; I remembered how he’d taken care of his mother. When I’d spotted Peter here at Saint Christopher’s near a bank of candles one day, I’d recognized him instantly, gone to his side.
“What’s all that for?” I’d blurted, nodding at the basket at his feet. It was crammed with a pot of soup, sharp-smelling poultices, and sachets of tea. Peter had opened his eyes slowly, wearily, wilting me. “Sorry,” I’d cringed. “You’re here to pray. Of course. I—I’ll talk to you later.”
But Peter had smiled. “No, it’s all right,” he’d said, a little tired, glancing down at the basket. “My mother’s sick.”
“I’m sorry.” I’d bitten my lip, smiling up at him a little ruefully. “But tea and prayers sound like a fail-safe cure.”
“It’s been days.” Peter had sighed, passing a hand over his dark curls. “Dad and I just stare at each other at dinner. Move around each other all day. Neither of us knows what to talk about without her. I just want her better.”
I’d frowned, grasping for the right thing to say—for the perfect thoughtful remark that would make Peter feel better and stay with him till later. But with no warning, his brown eyes had widened in horror. “Oh, Selah. I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”
I’d blinked, confused. Then—oh.
Sorry about Momma, he’d meant. About Daddy and me and our loss. Sorry for complaining about a few days without his mother when I’d been missing mine for the better part of a decade.
“It’s okay,” I’d reassured him, and he’d nodded. And the moment had listed precariously toward awkward silence.
He was sensitive, to think about his words, about my feelings. I’d been desperate to salvage the moment.
I’d chewed my lip, impulsively looked around. “Can I tell you a secret?” I’d suddenly asked.
Peter’s brow had furrowed, earnest. “Is it a good secret?”
I’d bobbed my head. “Alessandra’s having a baby.”
“The consort is—really?” He’d paused, long fingers rubbing his jaw. “I’m not supposed to know this, am I?”
“No one is. I just had to tell somebody. That’s why I’m here, actually,” I’d said, nodding at the candles. “To say a prayer for her, and the baby.”
Daddy had told me that morning. I’d been so full of the secret I thought I’d burst. I’d needed to tell someone.
But mostly, in that moment, I’d wanted to tell him. To share something just with Peter.
“That’s really exciting, Selah.” Peter had put a hand on my shoulder, and the warmth in his voice and in his palm had made me dizzy. “You’re going to be a great big sister. Careful, though—you’ll cast quite a shadow,” he’d added warningly, and I’d blushed.
When he’d bent for his basket and made to leave, I’d caught the bright, citrusy scent he always carried, and my nerves had stood on end. “Peter—”
“Yes?” He’d moved back toward me, closer than I thought he’d intended. My mouth had been nearly at his ear.
If I’d moved at all, I would have been touching his shoulder or his cheek—though I would have never. I couldn’t even have imagined.
“Don’t tell,” I’d whispered, the words two little breaths.
Peter’s mouth had quirked, flashing the gap between his teeth I loved so much. “I won’t. Promise.”
He’d left me burning brighter than the candles.
Now I just felt burned.
I gave a wan smile and cleared my throat. “Anyway, now the Council says if I don’t— Well, let me start over. Apparently, no one on this continent will do.”
Godmother Althea shook her head. “I already know, sweet girl.”
I blinked at her. “How do you know? And—and why?” I demanded. “I know I’m not what she wants me to be. I know she thinks I’m country trash. But why is she doing this? Why do I have to go so far?”
My godmother bowed her head a long moment before answering. “My best guess is that she hopes you won’t come back,” she finally said. She paused, her broad face sober. “It’s a long trip you’re taking.”
My breath came out in a huff. “She’s expecting something to happen to me?” My voice cracked.
Godmother Althea wet her lips and put a hand on my arm.
My mouth worked, but it was a long moment before I could form words. “And if something happens to me? What then?” I passed a hand through my hair. “And why now?”
Godmother swallowed. “She’s having a baby, Selah. Her hopes for the future may have changed lately.”
I thought of Alessandra’s hands pressed to her stomach, palms protective and eyes threatening, and something in my chest went still.
“Daddy’s still young,” I finally said, scraping at a cuticle. “She’s playing a long game, if you’re right.”
My voice told us both how much I really believed that.
“She may be.” Godmother Althea paused. “On the other hand, sweet girl, you don’t need me to tell you what people are saying about your father.”
I met her steady gaze, and my heart faltered.
Godmother’s theory was so improbable. Even Alessandra didn’t hate me quite so much as to actually expel me from my home.
Or did she?
My father was ill. He might even be dying.
I knew it. Everyone did. It was why he’d grown so thin, why Dr. Gold hounded him about his habits. I wondered what treatment they’d begun.
I prayed it worked quickly.
Godmother Althea shook her head. “I knew she was up to something. But we’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this.”
“We?”
One corner of her mouth lifted. “Do you think Alessandra is the only one watching and listening? The only one with friends and allies?”
Watching? Listening? Allies? I stared at my godmother, wondering what else she hadn’t told me.
“Do I have to go? Could you—hide me somewhere?” My fingernails drove themselves into my palms. The question was cowardly, and I knew it.
But there was no judgment in her eyes. “I would, but your disappearing would only make matters worse with the Council. And ten to one, Alessandra would only speed up her plan, whatever it is,” she added. “If you go, she won’t get suspicious, or feel pressed for time. And I’ll have some space to figure out what she’s up to.”