He dug his elbow into her ribs. “You’re terrible, Haven. Renk is . . . well, he doesn’t deserve that.”
“Yes,” she said softly. “He does. You need to be careful around him and Cressida, Bell. Especially now that you have the king’s favor.”
Bell stiffened, his gaze shifting to his bootlaces. “I might have his favor, but it’s all a lie.”
For the hundredth time that week alone, Haven bit back harsh words for the king. His sudden, newfound affection for Bell highlighted just how absent his love had been all these years.
Just like the demons the mortal kings used to keep chained below like pets, the king thought he could use Bell’s powers to his advantage.
Instead of spells and chains, the king used Bell’s need for a father’s acceptance to control him.
“You’re his son,” she said, managing to keep the anger from her voice. “That should be enough.”
“But it’s not, we both know that.” He tugged at a frayed thread along the hem of his tunic. “When we first came back, I thought I would hate him for abandoning me. But the second he threw his arms around me, the moment he declared me his son and I heard true pride in his voice, I knew that I was doomed to live the rest of my life chasing that feeling. Strange, how addicting my father’s love is. Like a bittersweet drug I can’t shake.”
“Bell—”
“You don’t understand,” he added, refusing her gaze. “You can’t.”
He wasn’t trying to be cruel, but his words stung.
“It’s true,” she admitted. “I don’t know my parents, and I will never feel a father’s love—or the lack thereof. But I know enough to recognize that you deserve better.”
He swallowed, his eyes damp as they met hers. “We have to stop, Haven.”
“Stop what?” she asked stupidly.
“We can’t keep doing this. Pretending I have magick. Not when your dark magick is so . . . unpredictable.”
The air seemed to thin. “How?”
“When I saw you perform magick in Spirefall that day, it was the most marvelous thing I’d ever witnessed.” He sunk into himself, his eyes distant. “I think I knew then, deep down, that my magick was a lie. Even so. When you told me the truth, that I was magick barren, it felt like being skewered.”
She rested her offending hands in her lap, studying the line of dirt beneath her fingernails. “Bell, if I could give you my magick, I would.”
She had waited two weeks after they returned to tell him the whole story. The way he’d looked at her when she said his magick wasn’t real . . . well, she never wanted to see that expression from him again.
“Don’t you understand?” He massaged the sharp line of his jaw. “That just makes this worse. I would do anything to possess a fraction of your magick, while you don’t even want it.”
The words Haven wanted to say all dissipated on her tongue. She hadn’t known he felt this way.
“I went along with our lie out of shame,” he continued, “and because I like the way people treat me now. The way they actually look me in the eyes, like my opinion matters. Like I matter. But tonight that lie nearly got subjects of Penryth killed.” He gave a scoffing laugh. “Even someone as vain and weak as me has to draw the line somewhere.”
“Bell, it—I’m sorry.”
“You have to leave.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “I’ll wait until you’re far enough away to tell the king my magick has disappeared. Then, even if he suspects it was your magick, not mine, he won’t be able to reach you.”
Panic coiled inside her belly, growing larger with every wild beat of her heart. “No.”
“If you stay here, Haven, he’ll figure it out. He’ll torture you until he finds your powers. He’ll dig it out of you, he’ll . . .”
A ragged breath whooshed from Bell’s lips, and his head fell into his hands.
Haven did the same. “How can I leave when this is my home? You’re my home, Bell. Besides the little fact that I swore an oath to protect you.”
His eyes glimmered as he said, calmly, like he wasn’t changing everything between them, “I could release you from your oath of protection.”
His statement felt like an axe cleaving her in two. “Why? Are you mad because of Renk? I promise I’ll learn to control my dark magick. I swear that will never happen again.”
“You can’t make that promise.” His head fell back, thunking against the wrought iron banister. “You fought through horrors most can’t even dream of to save me. You sacrificed everything for me. I could never be mad at you. I love you, Haven. Which is why I’m doing this.”
Haven blinked as the rushing wave of panic grew louder, heavier. Never in a million years did she imagine Bell would abandon her.
“Don’t you understand,” he continued, his voice rattled and quick. “Something’s coming. I can feel it like a . . . a shadow slowly descending. I see it in my nightmares, I see it . . . there’s a crown, and these huge, black horns . . .” A frayed breath burst from his lips. “Oh, Goddess Above. I think I’m going mad.”
“Bell, you’re scaring me.”
There was a wildness in his eyes as he met her panicked stare. “It’s my turn to protect you, Haven.”
Haven felt ill, her chest whirling strangely. She was suddenly all too aware of the artery throbbing at her wrist. The tightness of her lungs.
Yet the fear flooding her body couldn’t hide the fact that he was right. She’d turned the problem over and over in her mind, how to keep their secret from the king.
And yet, the way he looked at them . . . the way his eyes shifted from his son to her . . .
Another outburst from her dark magick and he’d put it together. The king was a droob, but he was a clever droob.
Still, leaving wasn’t an option. Bell wasn’t safe. Especially now that she knew about his dreams. How long had he been having them?
“What if I find a way to . . . bind my dark magick?” she asked, carefully. As if her dark magick might hear her and take offense.
His eyes narrowed as he chewed his lip, thinking. “Can such a thing be done?”
“I don’t know. I can ask Archeron when he returns.”
At the mention of Archeron, Bell’s lips mashed together. After Archeron left to hunt Bjorn, she’d told Bell the truth about his brother’s murder at the hands of the Sun Lord.
She understood why Archeron killed Remy, Bell’s older brother. Understood the atrocities that warranted such a bloody act. But Bell never would.
“I doubt a Solis such as Archeron would know much about binding dark magick,” Bell said tightly.
Haven scuffed the toe of her boot against the wood floor. “I haven’t been to see Nasira since she tried to kill me the last time.”
The very mention of Stolas’s sister and the rightful heir to the Noctis throne put Haven on edge.
“She didn’t try to kill you,” Bell amended, but he didn’t exactly sound confident.
“What do you call sending daggers of ice to impale me then?”
“They missed.”
“Only because I dove to the floor!” Haven growled, her chest tight.