His eyes glittered with challenge and something else I couldn’t put a name to. “We’ll see about that.”
Finding privacy inside a houseful of people who obviously had nothing better to do with their time than eavesdrop proved difficult. We could’ve gone upstairs to my room or the one that used to be his, but that seemed too intimate and would’ve been too much for me right then. I was already off kilter enough.
We ended up outside, in the garden along the back of the mansion. The moon glinted off the stone walls built around the peaceful patch of land. On any given night, you could find a couple sneaking off among the thorny rosebushes and juniper trees. Not that anyone needed to sneak. Wardens were almost always in the way of making babies, but perhaps it was the appeal of doing something seemingly naughty. I honestly didn’t know.
“You look beautiful.”
I stared at the roses. At night, their petals looked like black velvet. “Do you really think that’s going to get you anywhere?”
“I’m not trying to get anywhere.” His voice was closer, and a tingle of awareness skimmed down my spine. “It’s the truth. You were always something to look at, but damn, you’re beautiful, Jasmine.”
My heart jumped at his words no matter how badly I wanted to remain unaffected. A cool breeze stirred my hair and caused the hem of the stupid gown to float around my calves.
“Look at me,” he cajoled, tone gentle, even a little bit teasing.
I rolled my eyes. “I was serious inside, Dez. There’s nothing we need to talk about.”
“Are you sure about that?” His heat warmed my back, warning that he was closer still. “Because the way you kissed me tells me something totally different.”
“The way I kissed you?” I spun around and had to take a step back. He was right there. “I didn’t kiss you, you jerk. You kissed me.”
“Technicalities,” he murmured, and in a flash of a heartbeat, he was so close we were breathing the same air again. “You kissed me back.”
Although that might be true, I’d be damned before I admitted it. “I was too shocked to think clearly. Trust me, it won’t be happening again.”
“Is that so?”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yes.”
He dipped his head so we were eye level. “I’m going to have to disagree, Jas. That was only our first kiss—and it wasn’t even a real kiss.”
If that wasn’t a real kiss, what the hell kind of kiss did he consider real then? I pivoted on my heel, stalking off down the path.
Dez followed silently for a few seconds. “This wasn’t how I expected you to greet me.”
My mouth dropped open as I stopped in front of a stone bench. I turned around slowly. “Are you serious?”
He stared at me in a way that made me wonder if he’d lost brain cells during his absence. Dez wasn’t stupid. He was very much the opposite, so how could my reaction to him be a surprise?
Staring at him, it was hard to reconcile the young man I’d once known with the male standing before me. Tears burned the back of my eyes, and when I spoke, my voice was hoarse. “I had no idea what happened to you.”
He closed his eyes, tensing. “Jasmine—”
“For three years, I didn’t know if you were alive or dead!” A knot rose in my throat. “No phone calls. Not even an email or a text. Nothing. How could―” My voice cracked and I turned my head, inhaling deeply. “I didn’t know what to think.”
He cupped my cheek, his thumb smoothing down my face, chasing something suspiciously wet. “Please don’t cry.”
“I’m not crying.” Stepping sideways, I hastily wiped at my cheeks. “It must be sprinkling. I think the weather was calling for showers.”
Fondness seeped into his striking face, and I didn’t want to see it. “You’re still a terrible liar.”
“Shut up,” I muttered, clearing my throat. “And you have nothing to say for yourself?”
His brows pinched. “I’m sorry.”
I gaped. “That’s it?”
“You wouldn’t understand, Jas.”
I crossed my arms. “Oh, I don’t know, I might be able to grasp an explanation if you speak slowly and use small words.”
Dez’s eyes flared bright for an instant and then dulled. “I know you’re not stupid.”
“Doesn’t seem that way.”
“Look, I’m not entirely proud of why I left and it’s not something I really want to get into right now.” He thrust his hands through his hair, causing strands to stick straight up between his fingers. “Can we put that to the side, at least for the moment?”
I started to tell him no, but a look of vulnerability had crept into his eyes and as much as I wanted to hold him down and make him tell me everything, I couldn’t hurt him. He’d deserve it if I did, but the memory of him crying on my shoulder, holding on to me like I was the only anchor in his world, was too fresh.
“I’ve missed you, Jas. You have no idea,” he continued, reaching toward me again but stopping short of touching me. “I thought about you every damn day. All I wanted was to get back to you and the clan. But mostly you. Always you.”
Shaking my head, I held my arms more tightly around myself, as if I could keep my heart from getting outside my chest and doing something stupid. “I don’t think you understand. I can’t forget these three years. I can’t forget that you left because my father announced he wanted a match between us. Just because you decide you want me now after doing God knows what, you think I’d be with you? I’m not desperate.”
“Wait.” He barked out a laugh. “You think I left because of that? Are you insane?”
I shot him a droll look. “You’re really not helping your case.”
“That is not why I left, Jasmine. You can believe me.” He stalked forward, and I found I couldn’t move. “I have never lied to you.”
“No,” I whispered. “You just left.”
“It didn’t have anything to do with what your father said. I promise you.” Just the tips of his fingers touched my cheeks, but it was still a shock to the system. “Let me prove it.”
Our gazes locked, and I could feel my heartbeat in my veins and the warmth of his body, even though he barely touched me. Dez lowered his head, and the breath caught in my throat. Was he going to kiss me again? I couldn’t let him, but I also couldn’t deny the bittersweet swelling of yearning, of wanting something that could easily turn back around and strike where it hurt most.