Wow. I never thought about how soldiers would likely feel detached from the rest of the world when they come back home.
“That’s completely understandable,” I reply. “You give up a part of yourself, four years of your life, for this country. It’s a huge sacrifice, one that sometimes leaves men and women with life-changing scars or even makes them consider taking their lives.”
“That’s the thing. I get that this ‘resource’ might not be for everyone, but for me…it was exactly what I needed. Joining this club with my brothers gave us a new shared experience, a new bond to help reinforce…well, where some others had gotten broken. The MC is just going to be like a support group – the real service we will be providing will be job and housing placement services. The stuff with the club…the best way I can explain it is to compare it to therapy. Some of these guys – some of us, I should say – need help making new bonds as civilians.”
“You see the club as a means to try and prevent suicides by throwing them a life preserver?” I’ve heard reports on the news about the high rate of suicides among military vets. I bet Barrett has even lost someone he knew.
“Exactly. Some may still drown, but if it could save a few…”
“Then it will be worth it,” I finish for him. “It seems like you’re deeply invested in making your friend’s charity a success.”
“Ah, yeah. I guess I am.”
“Well, even though I don’t approve of outlaw motorcycle clubs, I do understand the brotherhood aspect and support they provide. MCs are like tight-knit communities, always there for one another, picking each other up off the ground when needed. So, if you could put a good word in with your friend, I would push my bias aside to help.”
“Are you sure? You seem pretty down on bikers.”
“More than the use of animal hide, the culture of violence offends me. It’s…personal for me, nothing against you or your brothers.”
“Growing up with a dad in that particular club couldn’t have been easy.”
“No kidding. And now that he’s president, I’ve accepted that he’s never going to leave it. The club and those people are his entire life. He spends more time at the clubhouse than at home.”
“Your grandma is the one who really raised you and Laurel, right?”
“Yeah, you remember how she was always around? She’s lived with us since we were barely walking, right after our mom died. I don’t know what we would’ve done without her.”
“I remember her. She’s a sweet lady.”
“Yeah, she is,” I agree, unable to help but smile at the mention of her.
“Your father never liked me much, but Mrs. Perry was nothing but kind and welcoming.”
“Too bad Laurel takes after our father and not our grandmother.”
“That is too bad,” he agrees with a chuckle. “I don’t hate her for what she did. I just wish she would’ve talked to me about what was going on with her and waited until we could talk face-to-face instead of just sending me divorce papers and ignoring my calls.”
“So you never really got any closure? That’s probably why you haven’t moved on.”
“You think?”
“Absolutely. Would it help you if you got to yell at her?”
“Nah. What’s done is done,” he says as he starts ripping up his napkin. “I’m not angry,” he adds with a heavy sigh, scattering bits of his confetti pile. “I mean, of course, I was. Letting go of anger is easy. Letting go of the hurt, the betrayal, the jealousy, the hot knot in my stomach when I think about it… I want to let go – I do. I’m just not sure I know how.”
I wish I could help him, that I could go back to the day we met and kept him from meeting my sister. Then maybe he wouldn’t have gotten his heart broken.
CHAPTER TWO
Barrett
I’m not sure what made me decide to lie to Lyla Perry the other day when we had lunch. I think being near her just made me feel closer to Laurel.
But after I explained the fake idea to her like it was someone else’s plan, someone who had actually put in work to make it happen, I found that I couldn’t stop thinking about how to make my hastily spun fantasy a reality.
Having not only her approval but her enthusiasm has made me consider trying to actually make it happen. Maybe it’ll be a complete failure, or the mother chapter will turn it down. I guess I won’t know unless I try.
That’s why I plan to bring it up at tonight’s Savage Kings weekly meeting to see what my brothers think about it.
They could think it’s stupid. If so, that’ll be the end of it. But I’ve already talked to a few guys I met in the army who are interested in getting to know more about the MC.
“Is there any other business we need to discuss?” Remy asks as he wraps up the latest club news.
“Actually, I have something I wanted to run by the table,” I tell him.
“Okay. Let’s hear it.” Remy leans back in his chair, looking slightly annoyed that I’m making him stay a few minutes late.
“I’ll make it fast,” I assure him, but then I can’t even figure out where to start.
“Any day now,” Colt, my second oldest brother, mutters. He’s been antsy since we started tonight. His girlfriend, Josie, just moved to town with her teenage son, Jordan. They’re still in the hot and heavy days of a relationship.
It’s been so long that I can’t even recall those early days of dating when you can’t keep your hands off each other.
I married the last and only woman I had that sort of passion with. Laurel and I had been dating for just two months the summer after we graduated high school before we got married. The wedding was rushed, an intimate gathering of our family members down at the courthouse. Her family hated it.
My brothers, especially Remy, told me I was crazy for jumping headfirst into a commitment right before I reported to basic training.
He was right, of course. I just didn’t want to see it at the time because…hell, I’m not sure why I thought it was a good idea. Laurel was a beautiful siren who begged me to marry her. I guess I wanted someone to miss me, to think about me, but she couldn’t do either of those things.
My brothers all told me they had seen her with some dude, acting like they were more than friends. I told them they were wrong, that there was nothing going on between them. Then I received the divorce papers a year before I even got discharged.
I thought I would be coming home to a wife, a home, starting a family. Instead, I had to move back into my childhood home with my dad and RJ.
I’ve been out a little over a year now, and I’m still coasting along with no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.
Lately, all I do is drink and sit around on my ass, feeling sorry for myself.
Some would probably say I’m depressed, adrift and rudderless with no land in sight. Maybe they would even be right. My brothers don’t think it’s normal to be twenty-two and celibate, but I have zero interest in dating. I’d rather get my ass kicked by a pro MMA fighter every day, rather than go through the misery of a broken heart again.