I carefully put on my torn dress, grimacing every few seconds when my core throbs. It takes me some time to work around the ruined dress.
The brute stranger must’ve ripped it when he was removing it.
It’s not only a slight rip. There’s a long gash on the side that extends to my hipbone. I can’t possibly walk outside like this.
So I grab his jacket and put it on. It swallows me and the dress, but it’s better than nothing. His scent fills my nostrils and I try not to think of that or what happened a few hours ago.
It’ll just make this complicated.
And I don’t need complicated.
“I’m sure you have many of these, so you won’t mind if I take it,” I whisper. “If you do mind, you shouldn’t have ripped my only red dress.”
He doesn’t even stir and I don’t know why I’m disappointed. I shouldn’t be.
I’m subconsciously reaching for him—or, my hand is. I just want to touch his hair once, see if it’s as soft as it looks.
He shifts and I quickly retract my hand.
What the hell was I thinking?
I can’t touch him. I have to completely erase him from my memories.
Not only for my own good, but also for his.
If my family finds out about what we’ve done, they’ll kill him. No questions asked.
It’s why I stayed a virgin until twenty.
But I’m not anymore.
And soon, I’ll be free.
“Thank you for crossing this off my list,” I murmur. “I hope we never meet again.”
And with that, I grab my heels and silently step out of the room.
3
KNOX
Gray shadows creep up on me.
Their ghostly hands reach out to my neck and wrap a noose around it. My trachea jerks and crushes to pieces as the distorted voice whispers.
“Look at me.”
My fingers flex, but I don’t reach for the hands that are stealing my air. If I touch them, they will force my eyes open, they will make me see.
“Baby boy…” The voice is less distorted now, honeyed, almost in a singsong. “Let me look at those eyes…”
Fuck no.
No.
If I don’t look, I’ll be safe. If I don’t look, I won’t know what will happen and it’ll all be over faster.
Or that’s what I believe as the ghostly harsh fingers jam against my neck and crash the one thing that’s giving me air.
“If you don’t look, it’ll hurt more.” The voice is still honeyed, cool, soothing almost, and I would’ve believed it if I didn’t know what hides behind it.
“No…”
“Knox, look at me.”
“No.”
“I’m going to hit you and make sure to leave marks, you little jerk.”
“No!”
That’s when my eyes open.
There’s a ringing, loud and constant and without any breaks.
At first, I think it’s all in my head. The ringing. The pounding against my skull. The fucking shadows.
My head is the place they go to when they decide to visit me occasionally, just to make sure they still have a hold on me. That the little boy inside me that I’ve been slowly killing over the past twenty years isn’t dead.
That he still breathes, still closes his eyes, and has fucking nightmares about the shadows of the past.
He still lives with his demons.
But the ringing isn’t in my head. It’s from somewhere beside me.
My phone.
I snatch it from the side table, throw an arm over my eyes to darken my vision. Light is blinding in my post-nightmare state. In a way, I become one with my shadows, thirsty for darkness and unable to exist outside of it. So, light and I were never really close friends.
“You better have a good fucking reason for calling me this early in the morning.”
“Her Majesty the Queen called and said, “Excuse your bloody French.””
“I’m sure she also told you to go take a wank.”
He feigns a gasp. “How dare you put such foul language in her mouth?”
“Is there a reason behind your call, Dan?”
“Blasphemy! What’s more important than the Queen?”
“My sleeping time.” Though he did wake me up from the nightmare, so I should be thankful, really. “Now, are you dead?”
“Obviously not.”
“Are you in a compromised position and need help?”
“Not exactly.”
“Then call me back when it’s not early morning. If by any chance, you have an emergency before that, call 911.”
“First of all, fuck you. Second, I think I told you we’re playing golf with the mayor today and you should’ve been here about…fifteen bloody minutes ago. And finally, it’s not early fucking morning.”
I slide my arm away from my eyes and peek at the time on my phone. Sure enough, it’s past ten.
Considering I’m not the type who sleeps in, this is as weird as a sideways fuck.
“Where the fuck are you anyway?” Daniel asks, sounding more impatient by the minute. He’s all fun and games until things don’t go according to his plan.
Though most of his plans suck, and they’re a bit impulsive sometimes, which might play a role in the sheer number of people he attracts on a daily basis.
He’s my only British friend in the States. We studied law together, graduated together, and we now work together.
We’ve even shagged together. Not he and I. There was always a woman in between.
We don’t make a habit out of it, but it’s something for when we’re bored and need extra endorphins.
“Somewhere…” I squint again due to the light slipping from between my fingers.
Where am I really? A piece is missing from my head, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out what it is.
“At least tell me you’re back from Jersey?”
“Jersey? Oh, yeah, Jersey. No, I’m still here.”
“What the fuck, mate? Weren’t you supposed to come back last night after meeting a client?”
“I had a change of plans.”
“What about golf?”
“There’s been a change of plan for that, too.”
“What?”
“Golf is boring and so is the mayor. Now, screw off.”
I end the call and stare to my side, expecting to find the woman from last night.
Anastasia, she said her name was.
I don’t usually care about their names since they’re erased from my head after the night is over, but the fact that she was the one who demanded anonymity was what got my wheels turning.
Usually, they don’t.
Usually, I would have to tell them beforehand that this is a one-time thing and then it’s over.
I didn’t have to with Anastasia since she was the one who practically demanded it.
It’s thrilling, she said.
And it was.
Having her completely compliant underneath me as she struggled with holding in her noises got my dick hardening in an instant.
I fuck a lot of women—like, a lot, so many that I’ve lost count—but none of them have been as memorable as the girl who gave me complete rein.