“No,” I mutter glumly as I cross my arms over my chest, slouching in the chair. I glance over at my friends. “What if this light inside of me doesn’t do much more than I can already do?”
Because I’ve gotten good with a bubble shield, which is sparked more out of fear than anything else. And my abilities to see fae, read vibes if I so choose, and hear them from great distances is sharper than ever. But surely, that can’t be the extent of the gift.
Rainey rises from her chair, leans over, and kisses Myles. She looks back at me. “I’m going to help Zaid finish dinner. I think we should just wrap it up for the evening.”
I give her a curt nod, my mind already racing on to other things. Rainey heads up the spiral staircase, and Myles fiddles with a book in front of him. We always have stacks of books to go through. Whenever one of us sees something of interest, we bring it back and throw it down. Everyone pitches in and reads when we can.
“Where’s Maddox?” Myles asks since Carrick’s brother hangs around more often than not these days.
“Off getting laid,” I reply distractedly. But then, I add, “At least that’s what he said when he left a few hours ago. Hey… off to get laid. See you later.”
Myles laughs at my mimicking of Maddox, which is quite good, but then sobers. “Shouldn’t he be sticking around to protect you or something? Or at least have Lucien here?”
I shrug. Truthfully, Maddox doesn’t think anything bad is going to happen to me in the condo. He’s relying on the wards he, Carrick, and Lucien put in place to keep Kymaris and her minions out. “I don’t think Maddox feels like I need constant babysitting the way Carrick does.”
“And Lucien?” Myles inquires.
Another shrug. “I haven’t seen him since our last trip to Faere when he brought Stan over to help me through the veil. He sort of does his own thing until he’s affirmatively needed.”
“You’re safe here,” Myles concludes. “The wards are enough.”
“I agree. But also… I’m sort of just trusting fate.”
He frowns, leaning forward to cross his arms on the table. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, if Kymaris were to come after me now instead, well… isn’t that how my fate is supposed to play out?
“Not following,” Myles quips.
“In other words, there’s no hiding from whatever is at the end of this path. I have to face it whether it’s Kymaris at the ritual or her jumping out at me in the grocery store’s produce section. Whenever we meet up is supposed to be when we meet up.”
Myles tips his head left and right a little as if he’s weighing the merits of that. “Unless it’s one of her minions who gets you. Like that wraith the other night.”
I shake my head emphatically. “Call me silly, but I don’t think I’m supposed to die that way. I think I was designated to stop this prophecy because I have this connection to Kymaris. It’s going to come down to something epic between us, and that’s not happening until the new moon.”
Myles narrows his eyes. “That’s pure conjecture, and you know it.”
“Gut instinct, more like it.” But then I decide to switch subjects on him, because again… I’m unsettled and feeling the need to make a difference. “I have an idea.”
His gaze is wary as it comes to me.
I smile, tipping my head. “I can try to reach out to Zora.”
“Not only no,” he says emphatically, pushing back from the table as if he needs to get away from such an idea. “But hell no.”
“Come on, Myles,” I whine, glancing briefly back at the staircase. “Rainey’s gone. She doesn’t need to know. And I can try for just a quick in and out.”
“You promised Carrick you wouldn’t without him here,” Myles reminds me.
“Well, he’s not here,” I snap irritably. “And there’s no telling if and when he’s coming back.”
“It’s too dangerous.” Myles shakes his head, acting like he’s going to get up from the chair and leave if I insist on this foolishness.
“Fine,” I mutter, holding my hand up in a gesture of capitulation.
I want to reach out to my sister stuck down in the Underworld again. The last time didn’t go so well, and she zapped me with something akin to electricity. And yes, I did promise Carrick I wouldn’t try again unless he was around, but that’s not really what’s been holding me back.
I could have tried many times since Carrick got snatched away, but the main reason I haven’t is that I don’t think I can do it. I’ve had zero luck in tapping into my powers since he’s been gone—other than my little bubble shield—and it’s safe to say my confidence has gotten pretty low.
Not sure why I even suggested it right now with Myles. I’ll blame it on anger, disorientation, low self-esteem, and reckless energy. Carrick fucked me up good when he dropped his bombshell and then disappeared.
And while I come off as completely blaming Carrick for this jumble of a mess I’ve become, truthfully, a good part of it is because I think I’m in love with him.
Well, I’m fairly sure.
Except, I don’t have the history and the memories Carrick does. My fall for him was short and quick, so I’m not sure I can trust it.
Or do I trust it because that history made me inherently love him?
As if I had no choice.
The one thing that makes me think that we are truly fated to be together was that first time we had sex. The first time I had an orgasm with him, and there was a moment where a barrage of images of his face flashed before me, and they were all different expressions I had never seen on him before.
I think, in my heart of hearts, those were actual memories surfacing through. All that snapping and clicking I felt, as if things were being put into place every time we come together, has to be a sign we are two halves of a whole.
I hang onto those little scraps of hope because if I believe in them, then it means all of what he said is true. That we are true loves destined to survive through eternity.
My throat clogs with emotion as my eyes get wet. This coming on the heels of Myles getting pissy with me about wanting to reach out to Zora. He had no idea my mind had gone places with absolutely nothing to do with my sister, and I don’t want to explain it.
I give a little cough to clear my throat, leaning in toward him. Lowering my voice to a conspiratorial tone, I ask, “What’s the deal on you proposing to Rainey? Come up with any good ideas yet?”
Just a few weeks ago, Myles had shown me the ring and wasn’t sure when the right time would be. He was afraid that while this life-and-death and save-the-world stuff was occurring, it might not be appropriate.
I imparted what I believe to be sound advice. Given our world’s fragile nature, there couldn’t be a better time than now because we might not have tomorrow.
I’ve asked Myles about it a few times but he’s blown me off stating he’s been busy at work and hasn’t had time to think about it.
Once again, he shakes his head, and I can tell the subject makes him uncomfortable.
“Myles,” I exclaim, leaning over and giving him a tiny punch on the shoulder. “What the hell, dude? You want to marry my bestie, and now you’re getting cold feet?”