“I get it,” she told him. “I appreciate your explaining that to me. But it’s really all right. We had one night together, and it was good, but it’s not like I...” She couldn’t say what she wanted to say—which was she wasn’t a little bit heartbroken. So she settled for something else. “It’s not like I expected a proposal or anything afterward. I’m a grown-up. I know that sex doesn’t always lead to more.”
“I know that. And I know I’m not any sort of fantasy man for you. But you deserve more. And I wish I wasn’t too broken to offer it to you.”
She licked her lips. Tightened her ponytail. Stiffened her spine and smiled at him. “Thank you for saying that. I’m glad to understand better what happened. But if you’re worried about me, you don’t need to be. I’m doing just fine.”
“I know you are. I’m the one who’s so tangled up about this I can barely function.” He gave her a quirk of a smile. “You’re probably kind of relieved. Can you imagine us together?”
“Kind of, but not entirely.” She laughed and shook her head. “I don’t think we’d be the world’s most predictable couple. But that wouldn’t have stopped me. I have no idea if anything could have ever worked out between us, but I would have liked the chance to find out.”
She hadn’t meant to say that much. She hadn’t wanted to leave it hanging. Fitz’s eyes shot to her face in what looked like surprise.
Embarrassed and flustered that she’d revealed too much when she’d been so set on not doing so, she stood up. Leaned over to scratch behind Theodore’s ears. “It’s good to see you, buddy. You enjoy the rest of your walk.” Then she straightened up and said to Fitz, “Thanks for talking to me. I feel better about things. Maybe after a while, we can go back to... to...”
She didn’t finish because she didn’t believe it. There was no going back to what they’d been.
With a little wave, she walked away from the bench. When she’d reached the entrance and turned onto the sidewalk that led downtown, Fitz was still sitting where she’d left him.
DESPITE HER SMALL MISTAKE at the end, she did feel better after her conversation with Fitz. At least she understood the full story. At least she wouldn’t be troubled by unanswered questions for the rest of her life. At least she knew Fitz had genuinely wanted her, even if he wouldn’t let himself have her.
It was better this way. Safer. More secure. She could keep her nice life without everything being thrown up into chaos from trying to fit a relationship with Fitz into her world.
Maybe now she could get excited about Charles again. After all, he might want to step things up with her eventually.
Right now she didn’t really want that, but maybe she would one day. Or there could be a different man. Or no one. She would be happy anyway.
She managed to work at home until dinnertime. Then she made herself grilled chicken and a salad and paired it with some good chardonnay. She ate in front of the television and enjoyed a house-buying show.
Afterward, she took a bath and changed into some cozy pajamas, prepared to camp out on the couch for a while and watch more TV.
She’d only gotten fifteen minutes into the next show when there was a knock on her door.
Maybe it was Ria? Who else would be here this late on a Thursday evening?
Belinda got up and glanced out the peephole to see Fitz standing on her front porch.
She froze, briefly trapped by shock and indecision.
“I can hear you, Belinda,” Fitz said through the door. “Can you please let me in?”
Breathing raggedly, she opened the door.
They stared at each other across the threshold.
“What is it, Fitz?” she demanded, when he didn’t say anything.
“Did you mean it?”
“Did I mean what? What are you talking about?”
“Did you mean it when you said you’d like to give it a try? Give us a try.”
She made a weird little sound in her throat.
“Was that a yes or a no?” He hadn’t moved at all. His fingers were clenched at his sides.
“It was just a sound,” she told him. “But yes, I guess I did mean it. I mean, I get why you can’t commit or don’t think you can do a real relationship. And I really don’t know if we’d be able to... to make something work. But I’ve never felt like this before. About anyone. So, yeah, I’d want to try if that was an option.”
“I want to try too,” he blurted out. Then looked like he’d surprised himself by the admission.
Her mouth parted as she stared. “What?”
“I’ve been thinking. I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve been thinking about you since Christmas, going over and over it in my head. Actually, I’ve been thinking about you since I moved to town. And I’ve wanted this for too long. And I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if I just let it go.” His voice was hoarse, and his forehead was damp with perspiration. His eyes were urgent. Hungry. Almost wild. “So if you feel like you might still want to give it a try, then I’ll try it with you.”
She started to sway. Literally sway as the surge of feelings rocked her to the core. She reached out to hold on to his shirt when she was afraid she might fall. “You mean it?” she whispered.
She hadn’t been holding out any more hope, so she wasn’t prepared for this at all. The world felt like it was rumbling beneath her feet.
He cupped her face in one hand. Like it was precious. “Yes. I mean it. I’ve never meant anything more.”
If she was more of a crying person, she’d be bursting into tears about now. As it was, her eyes burned and her mouth wobbled. She stepped out of the doorway. “Then come on in. We can start trying tonight.”
Eight
THE RADIANT LOOK ON Belinda’s face as she let him into her house was the best and most beautiful thing Fitz had ever seen. In his whole life.
He was absolutely sure nothing could rival it.
Her long, loose hair was hanging down her back and over her shoulders, slightly tousled and incredibly touchable. She was wearing the same pajamas she’d been wearing on Christmas when he’d knocked on her door to tell her about the fallen tree branch. They were red and soft and clung to the lines and curves of her figure.
Also incredibly touchable.
His blood started coursing in his veins, and his muscles tightened as the sight of her triggered a surge of lust.
“What?” she demanded, when he stood there and stared. “I’m sorry I don’t look all that great at the moment, but you’re the one who came over unannounced. If you do that, you take what you get.”
He gave a breathy laugh, too distracted by physical interest to give in to the amusement fully. “You’ve somehow managed to interpret my staring as the exact opposite of what it really means.”
Her forehead wrinkled as she thought through what he’d said. Then understanding dawned, and the corners of her mouth turned up. “Oh.”
“So I’ll be happy to take what I get—since there’s nothing I want more.”
Her cheeks grew pink, although she shook her head and rolled her eyes. “I didn’t know you were prone to cheesy lines like that.”